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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Bra-less at my BBQ?

551 replies

BioSuisse · 21/09/2014 09:59

Last night DH and i hosted a BBQ for newish friends whom we had never hosted before. DH invited a female colleague whom i had never met before. She turned up with her boyfriend but not her bra. She was wearing a thickish cotton white top. You could see the outline of her boobs and nipples if you looked.

After the party i mentioned it to DH. He claimed to not have noticed.

MN jury?

OP posts:
KatieKaye · 21/09/2014 14:24

would you like to point out, from the 38 million-odd men living in this green and pastured land, even one who does not develop infantile fantasies of squirting his jizz on the nearest curtain when he sees a braless woman with protruding nips.

It's probably best not to project your own sexual predilections and fantasies onto other people. far less confidently assert that 38,000,000 British men share them.

KatieKaye · 21/09/2014 14:25

would you like to point out, from the 38 million-odd men living in this green and pastured land, even one who does not develop infantile fantasies of squirting his jizz on the nearest curtain when he sees a braless woman with protruding nips.

It's probably best not to project your own sexual predilections and fantasies onto other people, pistolwhipped, far less confidently assert that 38,000,000 British men share them.

DorisIsALittleBitPartial · 21/09/2014 14:26

I think OP is being sarcastic now.
I also think each to their own and she is as entitled to be offended as her guest is to be bra-less.
I think questioning her mental health and her sexuality are pretty ott.

usualsuspect333 · 21/09/2014 14:27

BiscuitBiscuit

wellcoveredsparerib · 21/09/2014 15:02

Gosh this thread has taken a turn. Hope you are ok Bio.

WitchWay · 21/09/2014 15:09

Your DH will have noticed Grin

I don't wear a bra even at work, never mind BBQs. I have really obvious nipples although my boobs are small. Even If I wear thick clothing, if there's a hint of a breeze - wham - nipples!

I'm 49 - get me!

Grin
Marylou2 · 21/09/2014 15:14

YANBU OP however you might be slightly naive. Having observed some Russian ladies on holiday this is far from unusual and you are lucky she was wearing something as modest as a T shirt. Neon or metallic thongs seemed to be popular with a group we saw. Never again.

Sallystyle · 21/09/2014 15:16

I rarely wear bras as I am a perky A cup.

However, I make sure I wear a vest or something to cover up the shape of my nipples and will wear a bra if a top requires it.

I don't think YABU OP. I think it is tacky to show up anywhere other than a beech maybe with your nipples showing through clothes.

I really hope you aren't trying to say your husband is having an affair with her :( please some back for some support if you are or start a new thread in relationships.

You have been treated like shit here but we aren't all like that.

Username12345 · 21/09/2014 15:18

Bloody hell. This went tits up fast.

Sallystyle · 21/09/2014 15:20

Yep and if she is saying what I think she is then I hope the people who were being mean arseholes to her feel bad.

Maybe she had a reason to be uncomfortable after all. However, she was just pounded with anyone even trying to get to the bottom of why this may have upset her.

MN at its worst.

Sallystyle · 21/09/2014 15:21

without anyone*

Marylou2 · 21/09/2014 15:23

Forgot to say that I think you've been treated shockingly OP.Perhaps next time you could post on Style and Beauty thread .It's a lot kinder and more civilised. We love a good moan about what to wear to a BBQ (or not) in this case.

JanineStHubbins · 21/09/2014 15:23

I did ask the OP if there was anything else going on, U2 and she responded that she didn't want to get into it (which is fair enough).

Sallystyle · 21/09/2014 15:31

I am glad someone did, most were just arseholes to her.

Oldladyhip · 21/09/2014 15:33

But OP - just because he noticed her breasts, does not mean he is shagging her. Just a bloke.

I don't like the idea of my DH looking at the bosoms of some young lovely, but I would be daft to think he sometimes doesn't notice them.

Sallystyle · 21/09/2014 15:33

I thought MN wanted a kinder AIBU

Instead of deleting posts I hope they are doing something more to stop this shit happening

I love a good debate and honest opinions but this was vile.

motherinferior · 21/09/2014 15:35

Can I just say I am not 'accusing' anyone of being a lesbian. Lesbianism is not wrong or 'weird'.

(I do seriously think some of the horrified fascination with other women's unrestrained bodies on MN is a bit sexual, but then I have no problem with other women getting it on.)

MiddletonPink · 21/09/2014 15:35

I read title as " bra less in B and Q "

Only read first couple of pages where it seems everyone was "cool" with woman turning up with no bra on.

Not sure I quite believe that.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/09/2014 15:38

U2... Which point in this misogynist thread are you referring to? It's not ok to dictate to women (specifically) what they wear, repetitively declaring their attire inappropriate when it isn't - and drip feed massively at the end.

That's if this thread is to be believed and most stopped posting at all.

If you think that people have been as bad as you say then report. It's getting tedious. I hope OP doesn't come back just to satisfy the rubberneckers.

WineWineWine · 21/09/2014 15:44

Her top was not see through, she did not have her nipples on display, you could just see the outline that indicated that she has nipples.
I do not see how that is inappropriate - or any of your business!
I didn't realise it was compulsory for women to always wear a bra when they are leaving the house.

limitedperiodonly · 21/09/2014 15:47

A work colleague asked me to help her change into a complicated stringy, strappy dress in the loo for a date.

She took off her top to reveal that she was wearing these monstrosities.

I let out an involuntary yelp. I thought she had no nipples. Obviously some people don't have nipples, and that's fine, but it was a bit of a shock.

Nipples are normal. And nice.

I tried to explain that her hot date might react the same way as me when he uncovered them, but she said she thought nipple-outline was a bad look. I said that it wasn't just normal but that men on a hot date liked it. She looked at me oddly. I thought she was odd and tied up the strings and wished her well.

I realise the OP might have other things going on but I still wanted to say that.

People are really weird about nipples and tits and other women's appearances.

Sallystyle · 21/09/2014 15:56

No need to report.

MNHQ have already been on this thread and aware of it.

She asked a question and got the piss ripped out of her. She asked if it was appropriate for someone to go braless at a work BBQ. That was all, she didn't dictate to her what she should or shouldn't wear, another OTT response.

Perhaps she has a reason to be uncomfortable that went beyond her not wearing a bra, perhaps she is feeling insecure I don't know, but she asked a simple question. She was not horrible to the woman or said anything mean so the piss taken was not needed. Except for the whore comment which made it sound like she is indeed sleeping with her husband. Whether or not she just found that our or what we don't know.

The question of going braless has been posted before, quite recently too and yet as far as I remember it was a pleasant conversation for the most part. It is ok to disagree with someone without ripping in to them.

But.. my pile of ironing awaits :sigh

MiddletonPink · 21/09/2014 16:01

I don't think the OP deserved the shit she got from most of you.

She wasn't rude about the woman or indeed to her face. She started a thread asking what others thought.

But the sheep mentality soon started I see.

Tipsykisses · 21/09/2014 16:07

I think the Op had a feeling that something wasn't right & from the sounds of her last post she was right.

Poor woman , what a day she's had today !!

RedSoloCup · 21/09/2014 16:09

I pretty much never wore a bra pre-kids except to work, I didn't really care if sad people with no actual life judged me, haha :)

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