Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Bra-less at my BBQ?

551 replies

BioSuisse · 21/09/2014 09:59

Last night DH and i hosted a BBQ for newish friends whom we had never hosted before. DH invited a female colleague whom i had never met before. She turned up with her boyfriend but not her bra. She was wearing a thickish cotton white top. You could see the outline of her boobs and nipples if you looked.

After the party i mentioned it to DH. He claimed to not have noticed.

MN jury?

OP posts:
nilbyname · 22/09/2014 18:40

op you have been roasted on this thread and some of the posters ought to hang their heads.

i know the thread has moved on but I went for a fancy pants brunch on the companies dollar with a group of colleagues. we were all dressed nicely for the occasion, but one friend came in a white lycra boob tube, no bra and she had large breasts. We could see everything! it was so inappropriate and although her choice, but it felt a bit like bad manners.

Anyway....hugs to you and and big fuck you to your cheating shit of a STBXH.

UptheChimney · 22/09/2014 19:14

Oh, grow up [edit] The last resort of the inarticulate

And again: pot/kettle/black

ProfessorVonIgelfeld · 22/09/2014 19:25

You seem determined to have the last word, Upthechimney, so, here you are: the last word and it's got your name on it. Enjoy Grin.

Original poster
BioSuisse · 22/09/2014 20:20

No relationship advice needed, there is not much to discuss. STBXDH decided of his own free will to up and leave. I didn't know anything about his affair until middle of the thread. Someone posted something about DH lying and when i asked him the question again, "did you notice" he flipped. He had been uncomfortable all night and his mistress had been behaving in a way that made me feel uncomfortable in my own home. The tingling sensation i guess. A year ago we would have, as many posters said so too, laughed together about the bra-less incident. The fact that we didn't made me feel perhaps something had changed.

Can't file for divorce in Switzerland, i will have to do that in whatever country i move to next. I haven't lived in the UK for ages, i might go back, i don't know. DH is going to ask for the job in Moscow that he wanted. Our permits expire in Jan and can't be renewed without me having a job. With 2 young DCs that will be impossible here without a nanny, which i can't afford. All these technicalities to sort out.

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 22/09/2014 20:24

Bio, where in the world are you now?
Can you access decent legal advice?

It seems that your instincts told you more than you were able to fully state in your OP. I am sorry things have moved on in the direction that they have.
Thanks

ithoughtofitfirst · 22/09/2014 20:27

Bloody hell OP i'm so sorry.

I can imagine that feeling of just knowing something is up.

Good luck sorting all the practical stuff out xx

Tipsykisses · 22/09/2014 21:18

Bio I did think from your posts that something other than the bra issue was niggling away ...do you have support around you whilst you are going through this ?
Friends or family ?

I really hope you have some kind of support network with all you've said about visas etc .

onelastfling · 22/09/2014 21:47

Bio, so sorry to hear what's happened.
One thing puzzles me.
Why on earth did you invite a woman that was having an affair with Your husband to your home in the first place? Shock
(Appologies if you've explained why and I've missed it!)

ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK · 22/09/2014 21:53

one

She didn't know it was the thread that actually made her question him and he admitted it mid thread

The fucker!

furcoatbigknickers · 22/09/2014 22:07

Stay strong, hes a prize twatFlowers

Inertia · 22/09/2014 22:19

I'm so sorry it's turned out this way. He is an utter fool.

Looks as though you read everybody's body language accurately, even if the issue you originally posted about was only part of the story.

The technicalities sound awkward for you and the DC- proves how much your H thinks of his children, he can't even be bothered to sort them out with a secure home for the future before following his own happiness (by which I actually mean something much less polite) to Moscow.

Twentythree9teen · 23/09/2014 03:08

What's weird is, some of the comments which the OP reacted to so negatively, ie "do you think your husband fancies her?" or "do you think she's trying to steal your husband?" and so on … turned out to be the exact literal truth.

If you believe the whole thing that is.

Personally I feel sorry for the boyfriend she brought along. Unless he was in on the whole conspiracy all along.

Maybe he's posting on a Swiss/Russian mumsnet equivalent somewhere. "I went to a BBQ with this beautiful girl but she kept making eyes at her boss, AIBU?"

minkah · 23/09/2014 11:50

So sorry Bio.

You have good instincts. I hope they carry you through to the next chapter of your life reliably.

X

minkah · 23/09/2014 11:53

charlie
See I'm still looking to educate myself about this; I don't think that not wearing a bra is 'inappropriate' - but I do definitely think it's possible to turn up at an occasion and be inappropriately braless

You don't need educating about this..you already got it completely correct.

cindydog · 23/09/2014 20:37

As long as she wasnt bouncing on the trampoline your OH might not have noticed.

cindydog · 23/09/2014 20:39

sorry I just read through some more pages. Apologies x

NoodleOodle · 23/09/2014 22:03

Do you need legal advice now? Do you have a trusted friend to share the load with and have the hug you need and deserve right now?

Does he care about the DC, will he be wanting contact and shared parenting?

Don't let one thread put you off MN, migrate to other boards than aibu for support, chat, advice, distraction. I'm so glad for you that you managed to avoid Moscow. Do you have a vague plan for what to do next? And forgive me if you've already been asked this but do you have family you can lean on?

MistressDeeCee · 23/09/2014 22:37

I wish you'd posted in Relationships, OP. You may have got kinder responses there, I can't believe the way you were flamed, even before you realised your H was having an affair with this woman.

Good luck..Relationships and the Legal Board should be of some comfort, Im hoping

Aridane · 24/09/2014 14:24

Dear Bio-Suisse

Reading this thread, I was about to post saying I didn't understand the vitriol and personal attacks you were receiving, and that, yes, I would think it a bit inappropriate to be so visibly braless in front of your boss.

Then read your updates - thought you were jesting, at first - so shocked it is true, and wishing you strength

Knightsbridge · 01/02/2019 16:44

I think that if the visitor was very heavy chested as you stated that it was totally inappropriate to go braless.

RangeRider · 01/02/2019 16:55

One wonders what Knightsbridge was searching for to turn up this particular thread from 2014!! Blush

SpringForEver · 01/02/2019 16:57

I wonder why people don't check the date of the thread before dredging it up. Doesn't this poster have a habit of doing this? And why?

Original post Sun 21-Sep-14 09:59:22

slashlover · 01/02/2019 17:02

The site warns you if you try to reply on a thread more than a year old. @Knightsbridge

SparrowNest · 01/02/2019 18:39

Your husband is a scumbag and you clearly had good instincts about this woman.

I get why people got defensive (I go braless a lot myself, though I probably wouldn't at a boss's BBQ unless the dress demanded it) but the personal accusations and insults from some people were totally unwarranted.

I'm furious on your behalf about the whole thing. Particularly him trying to move the family to Moscow + inviting her to the BBQ. Treating you with total contempt. What a t**t.

SparrowNest · 01/02/2019 18:39

Oh god, just realised how old this is!

Swipe left for the next trending thread