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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect not to be judged

227 replies

Gemini121 · 20/09/2014 20:01

Have name changed for this. Am really upset about this.

Went to the park with the family plus friends today. Decided to quickly pop into the high street to grab a few bits for dinner. We had our dog with us (age 9y), 3 adults, 6 kids. Had to tie the dog up outside the grocery store so did and put the lock on the lead. To be fair we were a bit longer than we should have been, maybe 10 min. Came out and checked on her and she was fine (whining as normal but otherwise fine). Then popped into a shop 2 doors along for not more than 5 min. Dd needed toilet so went back to grocery, again dog was fine. Came out of toilet and 3 people standing around dog, one with mobile phone in her hand. I went over and lady with phone said they were just phoning me as lead had come unlocked and dog was "distressed". She whines if she's left for even one minute, always has been, it's just her. Anyway, they had tied her lead in knots so I started untying it as woman continued to bang on about how distressed my dog was (she wasn't distressed, she whines when she's left. Her distressed is crying and this wasn't crying. I know my dog.). I said to her "well I get judged for leaving her at home and I get judged for bringing her out so I can't win can I?" Dog then jumped on my two year old (she knows better) and dd started crying. I gave dog a light smack (seriously light) and told her no. Lady then starts with "you can't smack dogs in this country it's illegal. Good thing I've got your mobile now. I'm really worried about the well being of this dog now. Perhaps I need to report you." Carried on and on. I carried on sorting out the lead and just said "ok thank you" and walked away (yes, with the dog). She carried on about "I'm going to report you. Poor dog. Can't believe you smacked him. Hope you don't smack your children too". I just kept walking. Told DH to go handle it, he went outside and she just stared and then walked away.

Seriously, wibu to leave her outside the store? Even though she was checked on 3 times? And for giving her a smack when she jumped up on dd? Or was the lady BU?

OP posts:
Coolas · 20/09/2014 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lougle · 20/09/2014 20:06

Well you shouldn't smack a dog. It doesn't do anything except hurt it.

They didn't know that your dog whined by default either.

Tbh I wouldn't leave my dog tied up outside a shop. You don't know what someone could do to him. Or what he could do if severely provoked.

ImAlpharius · 20/09/2014 20:08

Why did you have to leave the dog alone, why couldn't someone wait with her?

EllasMum16 · 20/09/2014 20:08

I wouldn't have hit the dog in front of your DD as I think it sets a bad example. The rest of it, definitely YANBU.

KnackeredMuchly · 20/09/2014 20:11

Yabu, you left a dog whining for 15 minutes, got defensive and angry when someone was concerned and then smacked the dog Shock

Original poster
Gemini121 · 20/09/2014 20:14

Sorry meant to add that I did tell her she whines when left. Lady asked if it was an old dog and she is, she's 9.

Not quite sure why I was wrong to get defensive. My dog was fine and I was told I was harming her when I know I wasn't.

OP posts:
notagainffffffffs · 20/09/2014 20:14

I would have left the dog outaide with an adult tbh

dotdotdotmustdash · 20/09/2014 20:14

I would judge you to be a poor dog owner. If you had left your toddler outside whining for 10 mins and then slapped them when you came back, I would judge you as a poor parent.

Floggingmolly · 20/09/2014 20:15

There were three adults in your group. Why did it take all of you to do some shopping and take one child to the loo????
Then you smack the poor bugger... Hmm
Most people would have judged you, whether you wanted them to or not.

Original poster
Gemini121 · 20/09/2014 20:15

With 6 kids including a newborn we all needed to go into the shop. If I had known before leaving we would be so long I would have left dog at home.

OP posts:
ILovePud · 20/09/2014 20:16

Personally I wouldn't leave my dog tied up outside a shop, I'd be concerned she'd be distressed and I'd be worried someone else might hurt or take her (maybe I'm a bit paranoid) and I don't think smacking dogs is fair, raised voice has always been sufficient for me. I think I would feel bad for a dog that I saw tied up, alone and whining but I accept that people have different attitudes to me, I'm sure there's plenty of things I do that others would do differently in my position, I don't think I would judge you as I don't know the full situation and I don't know your dogs temperament. I think this woman's reaction sounds OTT, and that what you describe from her is rude, some people stick their oar into much but perhaps her own past experiences have coloured her attitudes and behaviour.

CheesyBadger · 20/09/2014 20:17

Nobody knew the dog whined or maybe even saw you check him - did you check from afar? Not anybody's fault but neither party being overly understanding of the other. Crossed wires and maybe something to learn from

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 20/09/2014 20:17

Well this is good timing as smacking children has been widely supported on another recent thread so I shall watch with interest.....

YABU, OP and I hope she does report you.

Floggingmolly · 20/09/2014 20:18

Of course you didn't all need to go into the shop! Don't be ridiculous.

Fairenuff · 20/09/2014 20:18

I'm not sure how to answer because that would be judging you OP, and you seem to think you should not be judged Confused

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 20/09/2014 20:19

I was bitten as a child walking past a dog tied up outside a shop so I may possibly be biased though. Dogs hate me.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 20/09/2014 20:19

You don't need three adults with six children, many of us have that many children (and more)- how do you think we manage to do things?!

I think leaving the dog was ok but you were compleletly unreasonable for hitting it

MomOfABeast · 20/09/2014 20:19

I don't think you should have smacked the dog, it's not good for the dogs behavior or a good example for your daughter. I don't think they were being unreasonable to be concerned; they saw a dog that looked distressed and wanted to check he was ok. They don't know you so it wasn't personal. They probably could have asked without being so snooty though but being defensive made them worse.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 20/09/2014 20:20

And how the fuck can you expect not to be judged..and then post on mumsnet. In AIBU?! Seriously?!

KnackeredMuchly · 20/09/2014 20:20

It's wrong to get defensive when someone is acting like a decent citizen.

Say you had an accident and couldn't return to your dog and she was tied up and distressed. Wouldn't it be better someone came to her aid? Why was she doing the wrong thing in your circumstance?

Would it have hurt you to say "Thanks for caring, she does have a pitiful cry doesn't she! We have been checking on her - she's not really upset just whining. Sorry to alarm you"

ILovePud · 20/09/2014 20:21

YesIDid has smacking children been widely supported on another thread?That must have passed me by. That's one of my soap box issues and I usually get suckered into those threads and get all indignant! Grin

Coolas · 20/09/2014 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Gemini121 · 20/09/2014 20:22

One adult wearing newborn in sling, slightly cold for a newborn outside. Two adults not living together both needing to pick up a few bits. Who was supposed to stay with the dog? Dog would never ever hurt anyone, she's 9 and never ever attempted it. She's not that kind of dog but I accept people wouldn't know this and may influence their opinion of the situation.

I guess the dog won't be going to the park with us in case we need to pop anywhere else, even if unplanned. Guess I'll be cruel for leaving dog at home then. As I said, clearly I can't win.

OP posts:
FloozeyLoozey · 20/09/2014 20:22

Why didn't you just go into the shop and leave the adults, kids and dog in the car? You would've been able to whip around much on your own than without all that faffing about.

OraProNobis · 20/09/2014 20:23

Floggingmolly Sat 20-Sep-14 20:18:20

Of course you didn't all need to go into the shop! Don't be ridiculous

This. ^^

I'm not sure if you want to know if you're being absurd or not but I'll chance it. It is absurd for so many people to pile into a shop and leave a dog outside. There's no other word for it.

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