Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect not to be judged

227 replies

Gemini121 · 20/09/2014 20:01

Have name changed for this. Am really upset about this.

Went to the park with the family plus friends today. Decided to quickly pop into the high street to grab a few bits for dinner. We had our dog with us (age 9y), 3 adults, 6 kids. Had to tie the dog up outside the grocery store so did and put the lock on the lead. To be fair we were a bit longer than we should have been, maybe 10 min. Came out and checked on her and she was fine (whining as normal but otherwise fine). Then popped into a shop 2 doors along for not more than 5 min. Dd needed toilet so went back to grocery, again dog was fine. Came out of toilet and 3 people standing around dog, one with mobile phone in her hand. I went over and lady with phone said they were just phoning me as lead had come unlocked and dog was "distressed". She whines if she's left for even one minute, always has been, it's just her. Anyway, they had tied her lead in knots so I started untying it as woman continued to bang on about how distressed my dog was (she wasn't distressed, she whines when she's left. Her distressed is crying and this wasn't crying. I know my dog.). I said to her "well I get judged for leaving her at home and I get judged for bringing her out so I can't win can I?" Dog then jumped on my two year old (she knows better) and dd started crying. I gave dog a light smack (seriously light) and told her no. Lady then starts with "you can't smack dogs in this country it's illegal. Good thing I've got your mobile now. I'm really worried about the well being of this dog now. Perhaps I need to report you." Carried on and on. I carried on sorting out the lead and just said "ok thank you" and walked away (yes, with the dog). She carried on about "I'm going to report you. Poor dog. Can't believe you smacked him. Hope you don't smack your children too". I just kept walking. Told DH to go handle it, he went outside and she just stared and then walked away.

Seriously, wibu to leave her outside the store? Even though she was checked on 3 times? And for giving her a smack when she jumped up on dd? Or was the lady BU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gemini121 · 20/09/2014 21:08

Phantom, have you tried shopping on a Saturday with 6 kids? Try it. Grin

OP posts:
thewrongmans · 20/09/2014 21:08

I tie my dog outside shops occasionally but I never ever hit him. She was right to judge you.

phantomnamechanger · 20/09/2014 21:08

But I do think it's unfair for old lady to cast me as a poor parent and poor dog owner based on this when she doesn't know anything

she saw your dog alone and distressed and the lead had come lose
she saw the dog leap on a small child
she saw you hit the dog

of course she judged you - and many of us would have done too.

coolaschmoola · 20/09/2014 21:08

The thing with slings is that the baby is all snuggly and warm sharing the body heat of the sling wearer (slingee?)

I've tied my dogs up before, I have no issue with that. But I wouldn't smack one. Or be daft enough to think one is harmless. My old pooch had never snapped at anyone until she got old....

phantomnamechanger · 20/09/2014 21:10

Phantom, have you tried shopping on a Saturday with 6 kids? Try it.

well exactly, that is precisely why I would never drag the whole family into a shop when I only need 3 things. madness!

PenguinsIsSleepDeprived · 20/09/2014 21:11

We have all made poor judgement calls. .Many of us will have done so in public at some point. The risk of that is that some stranger sees you and judges.

You have absolutely no right to demand that everyone who sees you assumes what they see is unrepresentative and gives you the benefit of the doubt. None of us do. The judging is part of learning that you did something daft and vowing not to do it again.

TipseyTorvey · 20/09/2014 21:12

I don't think you were wrong to leave your dog tied up outside the shop, lots of people do it at my local shops. I can't comment on you hitting the dog as I didn't see it but I think you're over thinking all of this a tiny bit. As other's have said, learn from it and move on to happier thoughts!

coolaschmoola · 20/09/2014 21:13

And to the person who said they tap their dogs noses PLEASE don't ever do that again. Dogs noses are incredibly sensitive and fragile. They can be damaged by even a light tap, and as they are full of nerve endings a tap, even a light one, is very painful for a dog. It is a cruel and unnecessary thing to do. If you don't believe me do some research - and keep your hands to yourself!

papercliplover · 20/09/2014 21:13

I have gone shopping on a saturday with a newborn, three other kids, two dogs and I was on my own. [Confused] I stayed outside, eldest child aged about 7 went into shop for bits from what I recall. As kids got older, they stayed outside with dogs and then we swapped so they could buy sweets.

If you only bought three things how on earth did it take that long?

WeirdCatLady · 20/09/2014 21:13

Shopping with six kids...no thanks. However, that's not the same as shopping with six kids and three adults so you don't get my sympathy for that.

YABVU in the way you behaved and I would have judged you in the same way. I'd've definitely reported you to the RSPCA for smacking your poor dog.

DontPutMeDownForCardio · 20/09/2014 21:15

You need to learn how to train your dog effectively. Check out clicker training. It's a modern method which is far more effective than the good old smack.

gordyslovesheep · 20/09/2014 21:16

you walk the dog, go home THEN go shopping

or shop on line

or get one of the other TWO adults to take turns watching the dog

I shop on my own with 3 kids all the time - you had 2 kids to each adult - it's not hard

don't smack your dog - you will be judged

papercliplover · 20/09/2014 21:18

Why can you not trust your husband to buy 3 things?

Bulbasaur · 20/09/2014 21:18

If one adult was outside with the dog, you'd have 2 adults for 6 kids, one of which is in a sling so not even a flight risk yet.

I fail to see how two adults can't keep six kids in line. If you truly can't, yes, I am judging your parenting as well as your dog ownership.

FlossyMoo · 20/09/2014 21:19

Sorry OP I don't buy it.

You said it was too cold to leave DH outside with the dog as he had the baby....but you were at the park so being outside then was fine? I would imagine in a sling baby was very toasty indeed and considering you were not going to be long it would have been fine. Also you said there were 3 adults so could the other adult not have stayed outside and entertained the dog?

I have seen dogs barking and whimpering outside shops and to a bystander it looks distressing for the dog. Those standing around had no idea this is normal behavior for your dog. For you to then go and smack the dog in front of people already doing this face Hmm well of course they judged you they already had you pegged for animal neglect!

Bartlebee · 20/09/2014 21:19

I would've been worried about your dog - seemingly distressed, all tangled up, and then hit.

If your dog whines when left outside a shop, why on earth would you do it? Poor dog.

CatsCantTwerk · 20/09/2014 21:23

I witnessed an incident last night with a dog tied up outside a supermarket.

I was collecting a takeaway and as I waked past the owner was tying his big dog up outside (I think it was a bull mastiff), he had 2 kids with him and they were all paying so much attention to the dog as they were tying it up, You could see they loved it muchly. I noticed it as I am not a dog person and it made me think that a dog like that scared me by its size but I was impressed with the bond the kids had with it.

I walked across the road to pick up my food and it was not ready so I was standing at the door looking out, A man was walking past with a similar sized dog and the next thing I know the tied up dog had broke free from its lead and was chasing after the other dog. I was surprised and horrified at the same time. The owner of the dog on the lead walking past grabbed hold of the 'tied up' dog by the collar and was really struggling to keep both dogs apart.

It took at least 2 minutes (which felt like 10) for the 'owner' to come running out of the shop and take control of his dog.

Thankfully, no-one was injured but it did make me realise that dogs tied up outside of shops are a rubbish idea.

CatsCantTwerk · 20/09/2014 21:25

I forgot YABU

SlicedAndDiced · 20/09/2014 21:27

My dog is a good dog.

I still wouldn't leave him tied up outside a shop though. Every dog owner knows that rarely even a good dog can turn in an instant.

Op's dog whines every time they are tied up. That does not indicate a happy relaxed dog, at least at the time it is tied up.

LST · 20/09/2014 21:34

YABU and I would have judged you too.

HTH

Veritata · 20/09/2014 21:35

I get why you felt all three adults needed to go into the supermarket, but I don't understand what happened after that. Did all three of you need to go to the second shop? And also to accompany dd to the loos?

hiccupgirl · 20/09/2014 21:37

I'm confused about where all the adults and other children were while you took your DD to the toilet...unless they were all going in with you, why couldn't someone have gone and stood outside with your dog then rather than leaving her on her own for even longer.

I wouldn't personally leave a dog of mine tied up outside a shop but I know people do. It's more the length of time and that is the problem here.

papercliplover · 20/09/2014 21:41

Why could the two adults who do not live together tag team outside with the dog?

Silverdaisy · 20/09/2014 21:44

If we go to the shop, one of us stays with the dog. She is important to us, and would not want anyone to steal or cause her distress. Neither have we hit her at all.

There are only bad dog owners, not bad dogs.

Fairenuff · 20/09/2014 21:55

I think you could have stayed outside with your dog whilst dh picked up the 3 things.

Or he could have started walking home with the dog and the baby and you could have taken your dd shopping with you. Or dh could have given you the baby and taken your dd and the dog on home.

There are any number of scenarios where, between you, you could have made sure the dog wasn't left on her own.

You made a bad decision at the time and were judged on it. You don't like it and you are still trying to defend it but with hindsight I am sure you can see why the woman had concerns for your poor dog.