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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect not to be judged

227 replies

Gemini121 · 20/09/2014 20:01

Have name changed for this. Am really upset about this.

Went to the park with the family plus friends today. Decided to quickly pop into the high street to grab a few bits for dinner. We had our dog with us (age 9y), 3 adults, 6 kids. Had to tie the dog up outside the grocery store so did and put the lock on the lead. To be fair we were a bit longer than we should have been, maybe 10 min. Came out and checked on her and she was fine (whining as normal but otherwise fine). Then popped into a shop 2 doors along for not more than 5 min. Dd needed toilet so went back to grocery, again dog was fine. Came out of toilet and 3 people standing around dog, one with mobile phone in her hand. I went over and lady with phone said they were just phoning me as lead had come unlocked and dog was "distressed". She whines if she's left for even one minute, always has been, it's just her. Anyway, they had tied her lead in knots so I started untying it as woman continued to bang on about how distressed my dog was (she wasn't distressed, she whines when she's left. Her distressed is crying and this wasn't crying. I know my dog.). I said to her "well I get judged for leaving her at home and I get judged for bringing her out so I can't win can I?" Dog then jumped on my two year old (she knows better) and dd started crying. I gave dog a light smack (seriously light) and told her no. Lady then starts with "you can't smack dogs in this country it's illegal. Good thing I've got your mobile now. I'm really worried about the well being of this dog now. Perhaps I need to report you." Carried on and on. I carried on sorting out the lead and just said "ok thank you" and walked away (yes, with the dog). She carried on about "I'm going to report you. Poor dog. Can't believe you smacked him. Hope you don't smack your children too". I just kept walking. Told DH to go handle it, he went outside and she just stared and then walked away.

Seriously, wibu to leave her outside the store? Even though she was checked on 3 times? And for giving her a smack when she jumped up on dd? Or was the lady BU?

OP posts:
KnackeredMuchly · 20/09/2014 20:35

OP just stop.

You left your dog, she whined. That's OK.

But dont get indignant that someone gets worried whilst she's whining. Don't smack your dog.

You're too quick to martyr yourself and say you'll never walk thr dog again. You're going down the wrong path. Stop being so bloody defensive. You're reading the comments all wrong.

And don't ever smack your dog again.

Bulbasaur · 20/09/2014 20:35

Anyway, thank you MN for confirming it's less cruel to leave her at home than it is to take her out if we are going into town. Will do that from now on so won't need to tie her up again.

She has a hard time being left alone tied up, it's probably for the best. At least at home she's in a familiar environment with her favorite toys. We always used to give our dog a treat when we left. So after a bit, he was looking forward to us leaving. Worked with my relative's dogs as well.

nokidshere · 20/09/2014 20:35

I am not a dog owner or a dog lover and I hate it when dogs are tied up outside my local store. But everyone leaves their dogs there, and there is a dedicated dog rail to attach the leads too. Even outside school some of the dogs bark and whine and their owners are nearby and within sight!!

Can't see the problem myself.

MomOfABeast · 20/09/2014 20:36

Gemini I think you need to be a bit thicker skinned (easier said then done i know) while I don't agree with smacking the dog if you have o leave the dog tied up and people are concerned just gently explain that she wasn't left for long and isn't as distressed as she appears. If they're still concerned just walk away. Yes it's annoying to be judged but its inescapable. It's silly to leave the dog at home on the off chance someone might be concerned about him/her.

RabbitSaysWoof · 20/09/2014 20:36

I tie my dog up outside shops.
If my dog jumped at a child I would give him a light tap too.
People don't like dog owners in general.
This summer I took my dog and child to my local beach on a rainy day and was told by the only person there that he should not be on the beach (May till Sept rule) it was raining only one other person there, dog was on lead far away from her and I NEVER leave dogs mess anywhere.

The following week took dog and child again for an ice cream same beach, tied dog to post so ds could have a little play on the sand (not even 10 mins) que audience around my dog talking about how the 'poor thing' is thirsty, upset shouldn't be left there. Ffs do I actually need 2 separate outings a day one to walk the dog and one to let my child play for a bit outside? what a fun day for a 2 year old traipsing the pavements all day because the dog could not possibly wait somewhere while he has a little play in a children's area.

ILovePud · 20/09/2014 20:36

YesIDid, at the risk of veering off topic was it the Terrapin/flicking thread?

Original poster
Gemini121 · 20/09/2014 20:37

Theeternal- she wasn't distressed. I know her distressed and this wasn't it. I haven't done separation anxiety training as I have never heard of it. Normally we don't tie her up because she whines and people presume she's upset, she just doesn't come if we know we are going shopping.

OP posts:
SpringBreaker · 20/09/2014 20:38

You didnt all need to go into the shop at the same time. You could have done it in turns then there would have been no need to leave the dog tied up at all. YABU.

CombineBananaFister · 20/09/2014 20:39

It's an animal, surely it can be left for more than 15mins alone without being permanently damaged or am I just not getting it?

Maybe to an outsider the whining looked bad but seriously it's a fucking dog, they go for walks and sometimes (within reason) get left alone.

Don't like the hitting though - pain is pain no matter what you are.

zeezeek · 20/09/2014 20:39

I also have a dog that whines constantly. He is the most adored and pampered pooch in the Universe and, for him, whining is just his way of talking. However, if people heard him do that they would think that he was sad and being mistreated. I have also gently tapped my dogs' noses when they have done something wrong - including jumping on the DDs. Sometimes this has even happened outside of the house. I would argue that you are not a bad dog owner, but you did exhibit poor judgement today. Learn and move on, that's all you can do.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 20/09/2014 20:39

I assume it was you or your dh with the newborn. Couldn't that one have done the shopping and left the non along parent with the dog?

Dogs tied outside shops can be a real nuisance on a busy street and the main risk is the dog gettibg stepped on or kicked by accident.

It's just one of those times where you made the wrong decision which in hindsight you can see so don't beat yourself up about it.

papercliplover · 20/09/2014 20:39

Three adults. Six kids. One dog.

One adult outside with dog. Two adults, three kids each in shops. Surely?

I have a dog. He is 7. I never leave him outside a shop on his own, just in case something might happen.

Sorry op but i think yabu.

Whippet81 · 20/09/2014 20:41

I would have thought you were a horrid person and I would have reported you and given you a round of F's to be honest.

Dogs that get left outside shops get stolen and used for bait for fighting dogs. You're dog has separation anxiety and you hit her. She's 9 ffs - how superior you must feel hitting an elderly, upset animal.

People who are like this with animals generally aren't very nice to people either - animals are far more likeable.

Original poster
Gemini121 · 20/09/2014 20:42

Mom- of course we will still walk her, just won't be taking her out if there's a chance we may pop into the shops.

OP posts:
rastamam · 20/09/2014 20:42

Definitely YABU to smack a dog, especially in front of a child who may then think that thats acceptable behaviour.

formerbabe · 20/09/2014 20:42

I am most shocked that your dog jumped on your two year old... But then I don't think dogs and small children go together.

JanineStHubbins · 20/09/2014 20:42

Listening to dogs whining is extremely irritating.

SlicedAndDiced · 20/09/2014 20:43

If I'm not allowed to judge can I at least say that I'm not in the least bit surprised that you were judged op.

papercliplover · 20/09/2014 20:44

I am confused. How did it suddenly get too cold for the newborn the minute you needed to go into a shop?

Fairenuff · 20/09/2014 20:44

OP why didn't your dh stay outside with her?

RiverTam · 20/09/2014 20:45

but why would you all have to go? Honestly, it's people like this, who insist on taking the whole family shopping, that make shopping such a nightmare!

Original poster
Gemini121 · 20/09/2014 20:46

Paper, part of the reason for popping to the shop was because it was getting a bit chilly out. Warm up and head home. In hindsight I should have sent dog and DH with baby home.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 20/09/2014 20:47

If I had been a bystander then my biggest concern would be for your child getting jumped on by the dog.

SlicedAndDiced · 20/09/2014 20:47

Do you think you might be so upset by this incident op because it was a stranger pointing out that you were acting quite irresponsibly?

The truth hurts.

Floggingmolly · 20/09/2014 20:49

You're a hoot, op Grin. So now you didn't actually need to go shopping at all, you were just sheltering from adverse weather conditions...
YWBU anyway.