To expect not to be judged

[Gemini121]

Have name changed for this. Am really upset about this.

Went to the park with the family plus friends today. Decided to quickly pop into the high street to grab a few bits for dinner. We had our dog with us (age 9y), 3 adults, 6 kids. Had to tie the dog up outside the grocery store so did and put the lock on the lead. To be fair we were a bit longer than we should have been, maybe 10 min. Came out and checked on her and she was fine (whining as normal but otherwise fine). Then popped into a shop 2 doors along for not more than 5 min. Dd needed toilet so went back to grocery, again dog was fine. Came out of toilet and 3 people standing around dog, one with mobile phone in her hand. I went over and lady with phone said they were just phoning me as lead had come unlocked and dog was "distressed". She whines if she's left for even one minute, always has been, it's just her. Anyway, they had tied her lead in knots so I started untying it as woman continued to bang on about how distressed my dog was (she wasn't distressed, she whines when she's left. Her distressed is crying and this wasn't crying. I know my dog.). I said to her "well I get judged for leaving her at home and I get judged for bringing her out so I can't win can I?" Dog then jumped on my two year old (she knows better) and dd started crying. I gave dog a light smack (seriously light) and told her no. Lady then starts with "you can't smack dogs in this country it's illegal. Good thing I've got your mobile now. I'm really worried about the well being of this dog now. Perhaps I need to report you." Carried on and on. I carried on sorting out the lead and just said "ok thank you" and walked away (yes, with the dog). She carried on about "I'm going to report you. Poor dog. Can't believe you smacked him. Hope you don't smack your children too". I just kept walking. Told DH to go handle it, he went outside and she just stared and then walked away.

Seriously, wibu to leave her outside the store? Even though she was checked on 3 times? And for giving her a smack when she jumped up on dd? Or was the lady BU?

3 adults and 6 kids and you ALL had to go I the shops to grab a few bits for dinner?? poor dog!

Well this is good timing as smacking children has been widely supported on another recent thread

What, really?

I do judge you, OP. One of the adults should have stayed with your dog. Not just because hour dog was obviously distressed, but because people steal dogs to use for bait training fight dogs, and 101 other awful reasons. Only place my dogs get left is in my securely locked house.

Ilovepud, yes it has, feels a bit unfair to the OP of that thread though so won't link as she wasn't the smack-er. Perfectly normal, never did me any harm, it's legal, a good form of discipline etc etc. I was a bit shocked tbh at the level of support for violence against children so this will be interesting.

Worry not. It takes far more than a nosy lady reporting a light smack to get a dog taken away. If the dog is happy, has food, water and looks well groomed they won't do anything.

Reporting is just that. A report. It doesn't mean the person being reported is going to be punished. The people deciding the punishment or even investigation are going the aspca, not the people that reported.

That said, if people tied her leash in knots, she probably got loose and had to be restrained.

Next time leave your dog at home. He can cope in the back yard for a bit while you're out.

Why didn't one adult stay with your elderly dog?

YABU. Poor dog.

Knackered I did start by explaining that she does this when left. I explained up thread I left this out. When she really started with the reporting etc I actually didn't say anything other than " ok well thank you" and walking away. I didn't engage in any confrontation with her.

How on earth was it warm enough for the newborn to go to the park but not warm enough to wait outside the shop? It's September not the middle of winter.

How come it was fine to take the newborn to the park, but it was too cold to stand with them outside a shop for a couple of minutes? Did you go shopping in a different county?

X posted

Why didn't your dh stay outside with the dog?

3 adults, 6 kids-one newborn, and a dog. I still dont see why someone couldnt have waited out with the dog, and maybe one or more of the kids. One adult with a list, or trusted to make a plan as they went along, could have done ALL the shopping while the rest continued home or waited at the park.

I don't understand why you are getting such a hard time. I often leave my dog tied up outside the shops. We go for a walk and on the way home I pop in for a few bits and pieces. Nowt wrong with that. In fact there is always a dog or two left outside of our local store whilst their owners are inside shopping. I really don't see the problem with it unless you are going to be a really long period of time, if your dog becomes too distressed when left alone or aggressive.

How long is too long?? For us it would be anything over 20mins and the dog starts to get distressed. You said that your dog was distressed, I think that's the issue here and the fact that you hit your dog.

Have you done any separation anxiety training with your dog?

YABU if you expect not to be judged. Expecting that you won't be judged is seriously unrealistic.

Incidentally, I used to tie my dog up outside the supermarket, but there have been local warnings not to do so, as smaller dogs (she is a westie) have been known to be taken to use to train pit bulls for fighting. And I live in a naice area.

Thanks for not posting the link YesIDid, I'd only spend my Sat night reading it and getting indignant.

But she saw you giving the dog a clatter before you made your dignified exit, op?

Dog tied up for an extended period of time, whining and looking distressed, then jumps at a child and you hit it - I would expect passers by to judge tbh

Sorry, I don't believe in smacking animals at all. Or kids

Bulbasur- she was on one of those flexi leads so yes if it came unlocked she would have been looser. I don't blame anyone for tying it in knots.

Anyway, thank you MN for confirming it's less cruel to leave her at home than it is to take her out if we are going into town. Will do that from now on so won't need to tie her up again.

I still don't see why all of you had to go into the shop (who drags 6 DC around the shops unnecessarily???). Too cold for a newborn in a sling for 10 minutes in September, really?? (but fine in the park?)

I have no idea about dogs, but the situation sounds very avoidable.

Do you know how annoying it is to hear a dog whining for even a few minutes ? Someone does this with their dog outside my shop every day. Why can't dog owners train their dogs not to whine and bark ?

no-one is saying the dog has to stay at home alone, just that you need to think, that's all! If you need to get some stuff from the shops, there is no reason for everyone and the dog to go.

Sorry but you were massively unreasonable. It's a terribly vulnerable position to leave your dog in. She could have been attacked by another dog and been unable to run away. A child could have run up to her and scared her, and you might be facing having her pts for snapping - even the most reliable and child-friendly dog can react unpredictably when stressed, and you'd have no way to defend her if you weren't there to see what happened. She'd have been easy pickings for a thief - don't think for a minute that lead locks are infallible. Please please please don't leave her in this situation again. One adult could go in first and then the other - surely an extra few minutes' waiting is a small price to pay?

Oh fanjo and ilovepud...if you can find the thread please do go and see what you think, I feel sorry for the OP but my god there was some really scary replies on it...pro smackers seemed to be in the majority and it depressed me. I don't want to start a TAAT though.