To expect not to be judged

[Gemini121]

Have name changed for this. Am really upset about this.

Went to the park with the family plus friends today. Decided to quickly pop into the high street to grab a few bits for dinner. We had our dog with us (age 9y), 3 adults, 6 kids. Had to tie the dog up outside the grocery store so did and put the lock on the lead. To be fair we were a bit longer than we should have been, maybe 10 min. Came out and checked on her and she was fine (whining as normal but otherwise fine). Then popped into a shop 2 doors along for not more than 5 min. Dd needed toilet so went back to grocery, again dog was fine. Came out of toilet and 3 people standing around dog, one with mobile phone in her hand. I went over and lady with phone said they were just phoning me as lead had come unlocked and dog was "distressed". She whines if she's left for even one minute, always has been, it's just her. Anyway, they had tied her lead in knots so I started untying it as woman continued to bang on about how distressed my dog was (she wasn't distressed, she whines when she's left. Her distressed is crying and this wasn't crying. I know my dog.). I said to her "well I get judged for leaving her at home and I get judged for bringing her out so I can't win can I?" Dog then jumped on my two year old (she knows better) and dd started crying. I gave dog a light smack (seriously light) and told her no. Lady then starts with "you can't smack dogs in this country it's illegal. Good thing I've got your mobile now. I'm really worried about the well being of this dog now. Perhaps I need to report you." Carried on and on. I carried on sorting out the lead and just said "ok thank you" and walked away (yes, with the dog). She carried on about "I'm going to report you. Poor dog. Can't believe you smacked him. Hope you don't smack your children too". I just kept walking. Told DH to go handle it, he went outside and she just stared and then walked away.

Seriously, wibu to leave her outside the store? Even though she was checked on 3 times? And for giving her a smack when she jumped up on dd? Or was the lady BU?

On the plus side, I think you did really well to get out of the house, take your dd to the park, walk your dog and pick up some shopping, just three weeks after giving birth, so well done there x

You weren't quick, OP. You were long enough for the dog to start whining and you know she does that. So you knowingly left her in a situation where you know she would whine. Anybody sensible would have left one adult outside with whichever child(ren) leaving two to shop. It doesn't take three.

I have never smacked my dogs either.

I think you have a penchant for understating somewhat when it suits you to do so.

You were judged unreasonable and so you were. I think you know you were otherwise you likely wouldn't be posting.

This thread has kept me amused for the evening

I love a good conundrum :

Six adults, three children, one sling, one dog and a toilet trip : How to make it work in the dog's best interests.

Answers on a post card and the person with the best solution wins a shopping voucher for Waitrose

Yanbu atall.

Silly busybody cowbag should mind her own business!

Please don't get a dog peppa if you think the op WNBU.

No, Writer it was three adults, six children. Come on, get your facts straight.

The real conundrum is where did all the adults and children disappear to when OP took her dd to the toilet?

You lost me at the smacking.

Imagine being the dog. Already had a big upheaval with the baby being born.

You go out for a nice walk and your owners tie you up even though they know it makes you distressed.

Then they come back and then leave again. Then they come back and leave you again.

Then some strangers come and surround you.

Then your humans come back. And then they hit you.

Nice.

Three adults and you left a dog tied up outside a shop. Why. There is no excuse for this.

I'm judging. I'm judging the hell out of you.

I'm not a dog owner nor do I particularly like them, but I'm judging you.

I hate seeing dogs tied up outside shops, especially when they look all sad and are whining or crying. There is never any need to smack and animal either.

YABVU!

How many humans does it take to take one child into the toilet?

I may be flamed for this and frankly I don't really care, but smacking a dog (not beating or anything) is totally acceptable IMO. Dog are pack animals and in the pack they are physically disciplined when they misbehave. It's natural , normal and effective.

What really annoys me is dog owners who try and talk to their dogs about their misbehaviour as it they were a child. That's just ineffective and irresponsible IMO. What did the silly old bat think you should do? Take a star off his chart?

Tying the dog up out the front of the shop also totally acceptable, but if your lead can come unlocked then you need to change leads or tie it manually.

YABU - some people just anthropomorphise and lose all perspective.

Or just don't get a dog, that would be best if you're not as great a 'dog whisperer' as you think you are?

It's not acceptable to right-thinking people. If you choose to do this kind of thing then expect to be pulled up on it and reported.

Surfs up, you are just so SO wrong. And I'm guessing you've watched too much Ceasar Milan

Start a thread in "physically disciplining dogs" so people can get the chance to explain how stupid your post is.

Had to google Caesar Milan - never heard of him!
Not really interested in why others think that a tried and true method of disciplining dogs is suddenly "stupid".

I walked across the road to pick up my food and it was not ready so I was standing at the door looking out, A man was walking past with a similar sized dog and the next thing I know the tied up dog had broke free from its lead and was chasing after the other dog. I was surprised and horrified at the same time. The owner of the dog on the lead walking past grabbed hold of the 'tied up' dog by the collar and was really struggling to keep both dogs apart.

We had a German Shepherd that snapped horse cables when he wanted to get loose. I could see him doing the same thing, although he was a gentle dog and would only want to play.

You bring up a good point. A thin little retractable leash is false security.

Surfsup1
There are far more effective ways to train a dog. Dogs are animals, they are not particularly intelligent. If you hit them, they won't associate the smacking with the crime, they'll associate the smacking with you smacking them.

A good way to show a dog they messed up is to simply have everyone turn their back to them and ignore them for a few seconds. It shows them the pack doesn't approve of their behavior. You can also put them in doggy time out where you have them lay down for a few minutes to calm them down and reestablish that you are in charge.

We had a German Shepherd growing up, and my father smacked him and shouted at him to try and train him. We didn't know how to train dogs or get them to listen back then because there just weren't the resources there are now. The advice we got back then was to just give them a smack, like you would a child, for discipline. Our dog, while gentle and lovable as a squishy marshmallow, never learned to obey us. He was an amazing family dog, but we never managed to train him. Smacking does not work.

Obviously child rearing and dog training has come a long way since then and there are have been numerous studies that show that physical discipline is not the most effective way to parent or raise a pet. My parents have taken a few dog training courses with their new dog and ignoring and timeouts work so much better.

And yet it has worked perfectly for me with every dog I've ever owned from working dogs to dopey family mutts. I'm not saying that it is a training method in and of itself, however a dog who does something it knows not to do (like jumping up on a child) will IME be totally clear that the firm "NO" and a taps across the nose is for. It's immediate and, IME, extremely well understood.
I'm just imagining my PIL's lab seeing someone turn their back on him when he's done something wrong - he'd think it was a brilliant opportunity to get up to more mischief! My current dog would probably not notice you'd turned you back at all (he's a bit dim to be honest!)

I have no doubt that some people have great success with other training methods and that's fine too.

Sorry, can't read the entire thread, but I can't believe how many people are blaming you.

I don't understand what the problem is with leaving a dog tied up. I love animals, honestly I do, but you can't leave the dog running free unless it is exceptionally well trained animal.

I suppose the people who criticise all have cars.

I had this problem with a dog once. People were shocked that I tied it up outside shops, but it was either that or leave the poor thing at home and he did love his walks.

I agree that given that there was more than one person involved I can't see why the dog had to be tied up - why wasn't someone holding it?
My dog is fine tied outside shops, but if my kids are there I'd tell them to stay with him and if there was another adult I can't see any reason to tie him? If my dog whined when I left him then it would be a further reason to not leave him if I didn't have to.

I don't think you were unreasonable and have been hugely amused by the people that claim your story "doesn't add up". I mean, because you've clearly fabricated an elaborate back story rather than just getting through the day like the rest of us.

You know your dog and if she wasn't distressed then what you did was fine.

Op I find it hard to believe that you lecture shop three times in ten minutes to check on your dog. Is that really true? If so surely it would have been easier to stay with your dog.

Left the shop not lecture!

I could have written walkwiththelonelyones 's post.

But also, you're a dog owner and you've never heard of separation anxiety/separation anxiety training?!

Really?

I began this thread a few months ago.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/1972787-Your-views-on-leaving-dogs-tied-up-outside-shops

Please don't leave your dog tied up outside shops. In this situation it seems more unreasonable-if for example you were alone with your baby and the dog and your baby desperately needed something, or something like that... It may be more justifiable. But, THREE adults, and a dog that whines when left alone? No.

And don't smack your dog. If you don't want to be judged,smacking her in front of people who are already judging you! is a very bad idea-you asked to be judged.

She was probably incredibly happy that finally you were returned and were staying, if she'd seen you come back twice already then leave her, hence the jumping up.

YABU OP. Don't smack your dog. And stop being a martyr . Still take the poor bloody dog out whether you may pop to the shops or not - just next time make sure someone stays outside then do a swap if needs be.

You leave a dog outside a shop for (you have said yourself) a relatively long time. You say yourself dog whines when left - NB this is separation anxiety (I suggest you find out what it means as you say you don't know).

You come out and dog is pleased to see you after waiting patiently. You then smack it.

Seriously OP are you expecting anything other than YABVU?

Get a book about training dogs to be left - or RSPCA have a page on website about crate training.

Stop smacking your dog - this is not how to train a dog and it will not understand why you're smacking it. Punishing with pain is wrong and I probably would have threatened to report you too.