AIBU to my boyfriends cats

[Random1999]

Basically my boyfriend has 3 cats, all 3 go off for days on end (all female have had the snip so thats why they're allowed to), 2 of 3 are quite aggressive and scratch, bite and hiss at me. The longest theyve gone off is for a month we see them in the local woodland sometimes. I'm concerned because of what they might be bringing in, such as toxic plasmosis (which can cause miscarriage and im 15 weeks), they're semi wild as 2 of them were raised on the local farm and never indoors until now they only come in to eat and/or terrorise i cant stand them if im honest but put up with it until i caught pregnant now im asking my boyfriend to keep them out 24/7 and only bring them into the back porch for food at night i dont want them near me and FIL agrees its best.
my boyfriend however doesnt think its fair and is constantly throwing his toys out of his pram because of it yeah i know he loves them but seriously they've been seen licking slugs for christ sake and are always fighting with wild cats (lots of them around here) so who knows what they might have and pass on to me if they're around me all the time, AIBU? I might sound a bit precious but seriously theyre disgusting, they lick slugs, jump in the toilet for a drink and are always fighting with other strays and wild cats so who knows whats being passed around...

You need to settle down and stop being so melodramatic OP.

FWIW, to give you context, I'm 26 weeks pg, live on a farm (so shed loads of different animals including sheep) and I have 14 cats, 9 of which are indoor/outdoor house cats which have access to most of the house, including our bed. We have 5+ litter trays through the house too. I am a little bias and pro-cats, but here is what to do in my experience...

The way to deal with the "mess" if you need to clean it up, is to put on a pair of rubber gloves and use disinfectant spray on the surfaces with kitchen towel. Throw it in the bin when it is dirty. In fact, get into the habit of doing that routinely on any surface where you prepare any food before you start.

Wash your hands properly and frequently with biological soap. (Carex liquid soap is good enough to get your hands really clean).

Designate areas of the house where the cats don't go. The bedroom, nursery, and possibly the lounge are good places to start. That will help you settle down and feel more relaxed because you'll have "cat free" zones. We've done it in our house, not because we dislike our cats (anything but!), but because my DH works with a large number of animals all day, every day and needs "animal free space" to unwind.

Don't get worked up about Toxoplasmosis - if you practice good hygiene, you are at very low risk.

Why do they have to go when there is a baby in the house?

Because they shit and pee everywhere. That's vile.

So why get pregnant by someone when you are so disapproving of their pets and how they live?

I absolutely agree with that statement - you must have known about the cats before you moved in with him, and long before you got pregnant but why on earth didn't you take some responsibility for your own actions?

I admit I hate cats and I would just never, ever get involved with a cat lover - I know it's all a bit late now but I do get so fed up with these sorts of threads - no point moaning after you've moved in with him and, presumably, decided to have a baby together .

It sounds like they shouldn't be in the house if they're that feral. Is it possible to put a cat-flap somewhere (utility room or a conservatory or garden shed) so they have shelter and access to food and water?

I have two cats and they never poop or pee anywhere other than their litter tray, but it sounds like your BF's cats haven't been trained and it's likely they're too old to learn now. But I have to ask, why move in with someone who lets their pets poop and pee everywhere, and then get pregnant? The cats were there first.

God! You know what, I adore cats, I've fostered a number of times but these guys need to be living somewhere suitable. Not in a home and not with a new baby.

They cannot be happy if they're biting and scratching that much, and if your OH is not willing to put any effort into sorting out the problem, then you're limited in how much you can do. He is an incredibly irresponsible pet owner if he won't de-worm and de-flea, can't won't attempt proper toilet training under advice from professionals. Quite frankly, they'd be a lot better off on a farm.

Animal sanctaries often have links with suitable places for feral cats where someone keeps an eye on them and feeds them an amount.

And I would be keeping a very close eye on his parenting of your child tbh.

Honestly, they sound feral, and not suitable for family pets at all.

This is not a safe environment to bring a baby into. Not because of the bacteria (although allowing them on the cooker and worktops is gross), but because of the risk of the cats harming the baby.

My advice is to get them re-homed on a farm. Can they go back to the farm they came from?

Alternatively, I think that your suggestion of just allowing them into a porch area is okay - especially given that they are used to presumably similar on the farm - but others may think that is unkind.

I presume your cats werent aggressive, semi feral and "Untrainable"(words of the people who've tried including the farm owners wife, My boyfriends late mother, my boyfriends father and my boyfriend himself)tbh i think its cruel trying now after theyve spent years living like this.

My cat is a vicious beast and is regularly very nasty and aggressive to me (unprovoked) however he loves my dp and has never touched ds (4.5) or baby dd. Its like he knows that would be crossing a line. We have had him 12 years and I think he wasn't socialised as a kitten and left his mum too young. He is very clean though. So you can have quite a nasty cat, but they wont definitely be bitey towards your kids.

I love cats and Dd has grown up with them. But I wouldn't have feral/barn cats as pets - they're just not socialised to humans. All the Rescues round here have ferals which they offer as farm or stable cats, as they don't make good pets - they're nervous, which is why they lash out, and as you're finding, don't take to litter training if their mothers haven't taught them.

Could they be rehomed at a farm, then when your baby is a bit older, consider getting a more homely cat or kitten?

I'm a cat owner and YANBU.
These are not domesticated animals and shouldn't be treated as such.

Domesticated cats are very clean and tidy and will happily use a litter tray or go outside. they generally do not make a mess in their own territory.

However, you must have known this before you moved in - personally it would have been a deal breaker before I moved in. No way would my cats be allowed on the work surfaces or pooling in the kitchen. Even my weird stressed cat never did that.
Thing is though, you can't turn back time and your partner doesn't want to change. No way I'd be wanting to bring up a baby in a home like that. How strongly do you really feel about the future?

Your boyfriend doesn't sound like a responsible cat owner at all.

Who wants to raise a baby in a house where there is excrement everywhere? Seriously?

I couldn't live like that. I'd be making changes or I'd be off. Imagine the HV coming round and telling her to ignore the shitty cooker. Grim.

I also feel the OP shouldn't put up with it just because they're his animals. It isn't acceptable to be hissed at and scratched by any pet really.

Toxoplasmosis is only a risk if you have direct contact with cat faeces or rarely from eating undercooked meat. You can eliminate the risk of getting it from cat faeces by avoiding cat faeces and litter trays (or using rubber gloves and an apron and thorough hand-washing if there is nobody else to clean up the mess) and not gardening unless you are wearing gloves (cats poo in flower beds!). You can't catch it from just living with or just stoking a cat (unless you stoke their bum-hole!). The fact that the cats live in the woods isn't a risk at all. As for hunting most domestic cats do that. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and volunteer in a wildlife hospital handling and cleaning up wild animals (my doctor and midwife are fine with this and I know about zoonatic diseases and the risks and know I'm safe); dirt from the woods really isn't a problem. Cats aren't the only animals who can catch toxo but they are the only animals who can shed live toxo in their poo.

Cats on the kitchen work surfaces is annoying, mine do that and they won't stop no matter what I try. We just make sure we give the surfaces a spray of kitchen cleaner and a wipe down before we cook. If your cats are getting poo on the surfaces I would use something serious to wipe them like Dettol!

If you are going to have the baby in your bedroom you need to get the cats used to not sleeping on your bed, or going in your room at night. We have started shutting our bedroom door at night so the cats find somewhere else to sleep.

If the cats didn't go, I would.

No way would I be being my baby to a house which had poo and wee every where, which had a high chance of my baby getting bitten and scratched.

If the cats didn't go, I would.

No way would I be being my baby to a house which had poo and wee every where, which had a high chance of my baby getting bitten and scratched.

I dont know how to make him see how dangerous it really is though I do wear gloves when cleaning up cat poo but im still over anxious about it.

the baby was unplanned and I had to move in here due to abuse I dont wish to elaborate but id never have planned a baby in this house. Ive only lived here full time for 7 weeks

Before moving in here i was here weekends only and there was no baby to think of so it really didnt bother me a huge amount although it did piss me off, my partner was dealing with it (cleaning everything up and they'd usually not be there anyway, maybe 2 weeks out of the month at most but 4 days of me barely seeing it and him dealing with it quickly didnt bother me THAT much)

This is my first but I know babies put everything in there mouths when they're on the floor (or wherever!) from a young age and my worst fear is my baby crawling around and finding a bit of cat poo in an out of sight place and me not grabbing him/her in time to stop them eating it!

Having reread this thread a bit...

We have 7 ferals, OP. Of our 9 house cats, 2 are semi-feral and come in and out of their own accord, and of the 5 remaining shed cats, they eat in the sheds and then bugger off out again and they are also semi-feral and "wild", with the personalities you describe of your BF's cats.

However, my caveat to that, is that I am very, very experienced with ferals and semi ferals, am used to dealing with them and have the space, time and inclination to actually be able to and more importantly, want to deal with them.

It sounds to me, like it is a management issue and your BF is not listening and coming to a compromise with you. Personally, I think that you are being a little hysterical because of my extreme pro-cat bias, BUT I also see your point of view, and I can see that your boyfriend is not helping matters by helping a) address your concerns and b) coming to a compromise with the cats.

It sounds like the cats are totally under socialised and are not domestic pets at all. I would suggest to the BF that at the very, very least you need to have cat free zones in the house. Then ask your BF to put up a shed, with a cat flap in to it, that is warm, dry, sheltered, with bedding and somewhere you can feed the cats outside with good shelter. They won't die, they'll probably adapt pretty easily. The secret to happy outside cats is a really reliable food source and very good shelter that they are happy to and like to use.

One thing you could do, is get a cleaning fluid from the vet. Regular cleaners have ammonia in them and to the cat, it smells like a lion peed on their territory so they pee even more in the places you've cleaned.
The ones from the vet don't have those scent markers so will reduce the chances of the cats defacating or peeing to mark their territory.

I think you need to look compromises, these aren't domesticated cats but semi-feral. You also knew about them before, but your boyfriend needs to realise that you can't go on like this. A shed with food, warm basket is fine - we had a cat who we only let in supervised, as he was domesticated but a very good hunter and meant that we stopped him coming in with his presents. Swap the cat flaps for ones that you can lock so you can stop them coming in, so if your boyfriend isn't around you don't have to let them in.

You need to clean the house from top to bottom, get rid of any furniture that they've weed on and the wee might have soaked in. Invest in a Vax or something (handy with toddler and babies anyway) use specialist cleaners or a biological washing liquid as you really need to get rid of the smell and clean thoroughly. We use a plant sprayer filled with water to stop our two scratching the furniture, climbing where they shouldn't be etc. and I agree with cat free zones.

Yanbu...it sounds hellish. What will happen when your baby arrives?! I wouldn't live with them.

Red flag. Cats allowed on kitchen work surfaces and they poo and wee there? Poo on the cooker and then you put food there? Poo and wee everywhere. The OP seems to do all the cleaning up of poo and wee so the boyfriend is not going to bother to get rid of the cats or control them in some way if he has a doormat to do the cleaning up after them. OP, does your boyfriend ever clean up after them since you moved in?

I wouldn't even consider moving into this house. I see that you had to escape from somewhere else but surely there must be another place that you can stay? Your boyfriend is taking you for granted.

Could you get a shed for them to live in?