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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to my boyfriends cats

177 replies

Random1999 · 20/09/2014 16:20

Basically my boyfriend has 3 cats, all 3 go off for days on end (all female have had the snip so thats why they're allowed to), 2 of 3 are quite aggressive and scratch, bite and hiss at me. The longest theyve gone off is for a month we see them in the local woodland sometimes. I'm concerned because of what they might be bringing in, such as toxic plasmosis (which can cause miscarriage and im 15 weeks), they're semi wild as 2 of them were raised on the local farm and never indoors until now they only come in to eat and/or terrorise i cant stand them if im honest but put up with it until i caught pregnant now im asking my boyfriend to keep them out 24/7 and only bring them into the back porch for food at night i dont want them near me and FIL agrees its best.
my boyfriend however doesnt think its fair and is constantly throwing his toys out of his pram because of it yeah i know he loves them but seriously they've been seen licking slugs for christ sake and are always fighting with wild cats (lots of them around here) so who knows what they might have and pass on to me if they're around me all the time, AIBU? I might sound a bit precious but seriously theyre disgusting, they lick slugs, jump in the toilet for a drink and are always fighting with other strays and wild cats so who knows whats being passed around...

OP posts:
TheIronGnome · 20/09/2014 16:32

Hang on, they pee and poo everywhere?! Why?? Sounds like they need to be living on a farm or somewhere else with lots of outdoor space, not in a house. How long had they lived outside before your OH got them? They sound pretty ferel.

Original poster
Random1999 · 20/09/2014 16:32

He works full time and his father cant bend at all so its left to me especially if DP left for work at 9 and they do it at 10 because i cant exactly leave pee and poo on vital surfaces (like the toilet, sink, in the dishwasher, on the oven) until 5pm :(

OP posts:
Smilesandpiles · 20/09/2014 16:33

Replace the carpets with lino or lamitate then. Get him to clean up more.

Other than that, there's bog all you can do about it. The cats clearly don't like you if they are hissing and scratching/biting at you - stay away from them and leave them alone.

LadyLuck10 · 20/09/2014 16:33

Yanbu, but then I'm a cat hater. Anyway I don't think it's unreasonable to not want germs around you at this time.

Smilesandpiles · 20/09/2014 16:34

How are they getting IN the dishwasher? Close the door. In fact, close the door to the kitchen and bathroom - close all the doors if you want. Problem solved.

Original poster
Random1999 · 20/09/2014 16:34

the eldest lived there for 10 years, second was about 5 years and the youngest less than a year, they're all related (eldest is the mother of the second and the second is the mother of the youngest from what we know)

OP posts:
GratefulHead · 20/09/2014 16:35

Right, toxoplasmosis (the one you need to be concerned about) is present in cat poo and only fleetingly when they are first infected (usually in the first two years of life).

Unless you are changing cat litter trays without gloves you have nothing to be concerned about. Certainly not three semi feral cats who sound like they hunt for their food etc. as such they are more than certainly now immune to toxoplasmosis and no risk to you whatsoever.

So yes...YABU but as you didn't know the above YANBU to have worried. Don't worry about it any further....let them in if they want this, they are no risk to you or your unborn baby.

wanderingcloud · 20/09/2014 16:35

Are you sure it's cat poo and not hair balls? I have black cats and their hairballs look a lot like poo. They'll cough up a hairball wherever they happen to be sitting but they would never poo outside the litter tray. Most cats like a bit of privacy!

APotNoodleandaTommy · 20/09/2014 16:35

How can they piss and shit everywhere if they don't come inside for weeks at a time?

CarmineRose1978 · 20/09/2014 16:35

My cats drink out of the toilet if they can too. We always keep the lid down but if we ever forget... Glug glug glug. God knows why, they have clean water in bowls around the house that are refilled several times a day.

I'm torn on this, OP. On the one hand, we have two cats who I love like they're my babies. They're not vicious or bitey, but do practically all the other things you've mentioned. But if I didn't have an emotional bond with them, I'm not sure I'd want them around once we have our baby. Pets make it a lot harder to keep a place clean and you have to love them to accept that, I think. So, YANBU to want rid, but since your boyfriend does love them, YABU to try to make him get rid of them.

Original poster
Random1999 · 20/09/2014 16:35

The dishwasher incident was only once as i thought they were outside and was unloading the dishwasher, left it open to make a cup of tea and turned to see one of the cats pooing in it!

OP posts:
Trills · 20/09/2014 16:36

So you moved in with someone, continued to live with him, and got pregnant, while he allows cats to shit on the cooker?

And it's only now you are pregnant that you have decided that this is a problem?

Does he have redeeming features?

If this is how he treats his pets (lack of any kind of training or cleaning up after them) and this is how he lives then I don't imagine he'll be a very good father.

Nanny0gg · 20/09/2014 16:36

Are they being shut in? Do they have free movement? Because cats that can go out when they need to don't tend to soil indoors unless very stressed.

If they are semi-feral then that is a worry with children.

Original poster
Random1999 · 20/09/2014 16:37

because theyll be gone for UP TO a month, then come back for a fortnight or so where they are doing the above mentioned

OP posts:
Sunna · 20/09/2014 16:37

I wouldn't have them in the house if they are peeing there. Gross.

Goodadvice1980 · 20/09/2014 16:37

So why get pregnant by someone when you are so disapproving of their pets and how they live? Confused

Original poster
Random1999 · 20/09/2014 16:38

they have 3 cat flaps, they're never shut in or locked in. I knew it was a problem all along and yeah it did piss me off but its only started driving me insane since i found out i was pregnant. My partner drives, works full time and does the best for us all and is the best partner i could ever want this is literally the only thing we've had any form of argument over.

OP posts:
WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 20/09/2014 16:38

I think the issue isn't the cats but your DP if he isn't de-fleaing and worming them and isn't cleaning up their poo, or providing clean litter trays. The occasional pee or poo on a bed or wherever is part of having cats, but your DP should be taking full responsibility for dealing with it while you are pregnant.

GratefulHead · 20/09/2014 16:38

Okay, read all through the thread....they need rehiring if they are crapping and peeing everywhere. Preferably a farm is the best pale for them to live.

Not that impressed that your bf neglected to get them neutered. He is the problem and not the cats.

If he wants to allow them to do all,this then he cleans it up...especially as the kitten (less than two years) one might not be immune to toxoplasmosis yet. YOU shouldn't have to clean that up.

TheIronGnome · 20/09/2014 16:39

Wow! No wonder they're behaving like that- they're feral cats, not house cats! Having been brought up in an environment with no litter trays, they've probably never learnt to use them, won't know to get comfort from humans and won't have any boundries regarding living in a home.

I would look into cat behaviourists (can you get those?) I wonder if they'd be able to help with some sort of toilet training as I'd see that, alongside the biting and scratching as the biggest issue.

I'd also get some feliway plug ins to help de-stress them. How are they with your OH? You could try getting some treats you could feed them to help get them to respond better to you.

Original poster
Random1999 · 20/09/2014 16:40

goodadvice I didnt catch on purpose and this isnt a thread about that, we do have a lovely clean home most of the time then the cats come back from wherever they've been and well... piss and shit everywhere. he provides litter trays and stuff but refuses to stick at it and goes "Oh well that didnt work" when he sees how theyve just spread it all over the floor hes made maybe 5 attempts to litter train them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Random1999 · 20/09/2014 16:42

the youngest isnt a kitten shes nearly four she was on the farm until she was just under a year old, he does clean it up but they are out at night so come in and do there business during the day when hes at work on weekends when they do it he cleans it straight away but while hes working there is no one else to do it....

OP posts:
Original poster
Random1999 · 20/09/2014 16:44

surprise surprise the cats dont listen to him either and once scratched him so badly he couldnt even lie down properly as they'd scratched his back up by constantly going for him when he was sat down in the chair i dont get the worst of the hissing and biting if im honest because the only thing i ever have to really go near is the pee and poo

OP posts:
MexicanSpringtime · 20/09/2014 16:45

Why do they have to go when there is a baby in the house? I had cats when my daughter was a baby and they were incredibly gentle with her. As are the cats I have now with my grandchild.

HansieLove · 20/09/2014 16:46

I love cats. We have eight, half are outdoor only. I would not want these cats in my house either!

Tell your boyfriend these are not indoor cats!

Our outdoor cats have heated houses in the garage for the winter. Plenty of food and water (we have a bowl that plugs in and keeps water from freezing). They are all fixed and have vet care as and when we can catch them.

Your BF can get busy ordering the heaters and building the cat houses. Directions online.