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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy?

336 replies

RandallFloyd · 17/09/2014 09:30

DS started pre-school this year and is not potty trained at all. Just not ready.

The school handbook thingy says "your child will not be precluded from attending Nursery should they not be toilet trained. In such circumstances a programme/plan will be drawn up between the school and parents as a positive step towards improving the situation".

He was dirty when I picked him up on Monday so yesterday, at drop-off, I asked them what their policy is. I was told they aren't allowed to change them, they have to encourage them to do it themselves. Also that they have to rely on the child telling them they are dirty. I explained that although he does wear pull-ups he wouldn't be able to do that and there is always wipes, nappies and nappy bags in his bag.

She just re-iterated that that's what they have to do, so I asked that if he is dirty again can they ring me and I'll sort him out (I live 5 mins away). Tbh I couldn't think of any other option.

She agreed but I left feeling like I'd asked something really unusual.

I know it's only morning but surely up to 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy? Of course he could have only been dirty for 5 minutes, I'll never know, but he was uncomfortable enough that he wouldn't walk home and was quite sore. And a diet nappy stinks, how can they need to wait for the child to tell them?!

Am I being massively pfb? I genuinely want honest opinions.

OP posts:
OwlCapone · 17/09/2014 10:06

Why isn't your tot potty trained?

Why are you unable to read?

MrsWinnibago · 17/09/2014 10:06

We do things differently today. None of that sitting them on a potty for hours. We allow children to learn their needs themselves and take time. Most are done and dusted by 4/5.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 17/09/2014 10:08

No not normal. Pre-school don't necessarily clean them up as well as a parent in a one to one situation might but they should definitely be changing his nappy and they should encourage him to blow his nose and clean him up if he gets into a mess. I'd talk to the manager and say what you expect. If they can't provide the basic care he needs I'd be changing provider.

ShadowStar · 17/09/2014 10:09

My HV advised us to leave potty training for as long as possible when DS1 had his 2.5yr check.

2minsofyourtime · 17/09/2014 10:09

Or course they can change nappies, there's no law stopping them. They don't want to.

Honesty kick up a fuss, he's 2.5 nit all kids are trained at that age. Would they sit in shitty pants for hours!

Ask them which actual law prohibits them from changing a child.

Pre schools aren't allowed to exclude children who aren't potty trained, get in touch with your local children services if they continue this crap

2minsofyourtime · 17/09/2014 10:10

**Today 10:02 PistolWhipped

Why isn't your tot potty trained?**

Because he's not! He's two ffs

londonrach · 17/09/2014 10:11

I think you need to arrange a meeting with the person in charge. Ok they cant change a nappy (not sure why not if children are 3 but let that go) in which case they need to contact you and you need to come. Otherwise could one person in the pre school be the named changer for your ds in case of safe guarding reasons.

MrsWinnibago · 17/09/2014 10:11

He's 3 mins which is still very small though. Too small to be neglected like this. OP please speak to the manager and look for somewhere else. Is this place attached to a school or is it a private place?

Original poster
RandallFloyd · 17/09/2014 10:11

No, no, it's ok, it's a fair question, Pistol. He's not potty trained simply because he's just not ready to do it.

I'm so glad I'm not being completely unreasonable. I was really cross about the snot thing but then I started doubting myself because, you know, it's only snot, it's no big deal, etc etc.

I'm also aware I am capable of being very pfb and am conscious of not being a twat!

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 17/09/2014 10:11

That is so weird, and unacceptable. Who leaves a 3-year-old child covered in its own snot/wee/faeces? Of course you clean kids up as you go.

I'm curious, because I'm not in the UK - do children there legally have to start attending pre-school at 3? If so, it seems an untenable situation for children who are not toilet-trained. Quite distressing. :(

PunkrockerGirl · 17/09/2014 10:12

Why did you send him to preschool with a "stinking cold"?

londonrach · 17/09/2014 10:12

First stop phone pre school arrange the meeting. If no luck suggest you change re schools....

MrsWinnibago · 17/09/2014 10:12

Are you going to ask for a meeting OP? Is it attached to the local school?

Original poster
RandallFloyd · 17/09/2014 10:12

It a pre-school within a mainstream school.

OP posts:
Mouthfulofquiz · 17/09/2014 10:13

I had words with my son's nursery once after they left him with a dirty nappy that had obviously been there a good while as it was all dried into the nappy (he has just turned 2). They also put his wet leather boots back on with no socks the other week - even though he had both spare socks AND spare shoes in his bag. But that's a whole other story!
YANBU to have words about this - please speak to the manager and ask them to outline exactly what they will and will not do. If it's not to your liking then I guess you will need to look elsewhere.

chucklingbunny · 17/09/2014 10:13

YANBU op leaving a child in a dirty nappy for any length of time is neglect when you have agreed to care for the child, they have a duty of care, simple. It's not like you didn't tell them or are expecting them to provide the nappies etc. Lots of pre-schools take children who aren't toilet trained and they deal with it, if this one won't I'd find another that will if I were you. Fuming on your behalf!

Original poster
RandallFloyd · 17/09/2014 10:15

I sent him in with a cold because it was only the second week of term and he really struggled to settle in so I didn't want to break the routine and have to start again. Plus all the other children had it too!

OP posts:
Original poster
RandallFloyd · 17/09/2014 10:16

I think it's definitely a good idea to ask for a meeting. That was my first thought but then I started doubting myself because he's my only so I don't know anything about school polices and such like.

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 17/09/2014 10:17

Some toddlers / preschoolers have colds constantly. If you didn't send them to nursery / preschool with a cold they'd never go. Colds are lot like D&V; life doesn't stop if you've got one (unless chlid is unwell in themselves).

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 17/09/2014 10:18

not like D&V.

Oldraver · 17/09/2014 10:18

This is the second thread I have seen where pre-schools have been all 'we will not deal with non potty trained DC's'. I think this needs stamping out, its not exceptable to leave a child who isnt ready in dirty or wet nappy. Frankly I think if pre-school workers are saying or being instructed not to change nappies they are in the wrong job. (Obvioussly you dont know where this is coming from).

WooWooOwl · 17/09/2014 10:19

You can't keep a child off every time they have a runny nose, some of them would never be at school, and half the teachers would be missing most of the time too.

I don't think they should have to wipe a three year olds nose, but they should tell him to get a tissue and to use it when he looks like he needs to. They really aren't encouraging independence if they don't do that, so they are contradicting themselves.

Honestly, it sounds like a shit nursery.

iseenodust · 17/09/2014 10:20

Unacceptable care at pre-school. Your DS may not be potty trained and you are providing nappies etc but there will be others who are trained and have the odd accident too. They should be set up to deal with this as a routine occurence.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 17/09/2014 10:20

I think most preschools have changed their policy towards children who were not potty trained. In the past they insisted the DCs be trained but the new Equality Act makes that unlawful so the policies have changed to accept DCs in nappies. I think the issue here is the letter of the policy has changed but their actions are still discriminating against non-trained DCs.

strawberrie · 17/09/2014 10:24

That sounds all wrong to me. My DS started preschool in August and isn't reliably toilet trained yet - I send him to preschool in pull-ups and they encourage him to use the loo. He has needed changing once from a dirty pull-up and they did it with absolutely no fuss. They do also change his pull up if they notice it's wet while he's at the loo.

My H was in the preschool helping out the other day and observed the staff dealing with another child who had dirtied their pants; he said they were utterly calm and kind,and dealt with it without fuss.

This definitely needs revisited with the staff as it cannot be acceptable to simply leave a child in soiled underwear/ nappy. What would they do with any toilet trained child who simply had an accident? Loads of kids do, they can get so engrossed with their activities that they don't make it on time.