To think 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy?

[RandallFloyd]

DS started pre-school this year and is not potty trained at all. Just not ready.

The school handbook thingy says "your child will not be precluded from attending Nursery should they not be toilet trained. In such circumstances a programme/plan will be drawn up between the school and parents as a positive step towards improving the situation".

He was dirty when I picked him up on Monday so yesterday, at drop-off, I asked them what their policy is. I was told they aren't allowed to change them, they have to encourage them to do it themselves. Also that they have to rely on the child telling them they are dirty. I explained that although he does wear pull-ups he wouldn't be able to do that and there is always wipes, nappies and nappy bags in his bag.

She just re-iterated that that's what they have to do, so I asked that if he is dirty again can they ring me and I'll sort him out (I live 5 mins away). Tbh I couldn't think of any other option.

She agreed but I left feeling like I'd asked something really unusual.

I know it's only morning but surely up to 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy? Of course he could have only been dirty for 5 minutes, I'll never know, but he was uncomfortable enough that he wouldn't walk home and was quite sore. And a diet nappy stinks, how can they need to wait for the child to tell them?!

Am I being massively pfb? I genuinely want honest opinions.

Personally I do think un less a diagnosed special needs which means the child can be toilet trained then children should not be at nursery till trained I would not want to be changing a nappy of a 3/4 year old

I guess you would not be a good person to work with children then. I would also like to point out that there are many many disabled children who do not have a diagnosis, and may not get one for years.

I'd also like to point out that my DS barely changed in weight from 2 to 4, so his poos weren't all that much worse either (although he was poo-trained from about 2.9, iirc, just not wee-trained)

I was just going to say the same as hazey, but lets just discriminate against children because yhey havent got the hang of potty training.

Id rather change a 3 year olds nappy than try to clean them up when theyve done it in their pants

Me too show, ds1 was potty trained without accidents by 21ish months but ds3 would not wear anything on his bottom half but nappies until 3. So even though he was potty trained he would have been in nappies until 3 if in a childcare setting.

Maybe I just luffs ds1 more and was a better mummy

Oh and hes 3.5 now and I dont think he well be out of nappies at night for quite a while yet

Ah, our lovely SN kinds must poo rainbows and glitter.
Not proper poo like those 'orrible normal kids.

Special little snowflakes as they are

Ds3 still likes to poo in his nappy first thing in the morning, my god the smell! its because he is nt dont you know!

This place can be incredibly weird, if you don't bf, baby led wean, attachment parent , co sleep then you are terrible.

Yet a 3 year old, who is not much more than a baby should be able to use the toilet with no problem.

Nope my Dd with ASD poo still smelt bad when toilet training her

The worst thing about winter is having to chose between frost-bite and changing nappies with the windows closed!

Between ds 3&4 and the kitten it smells lovely here in the mornings

Well done OP!

They haven't got a leg to stand on legally, I'm suspecting that maybe the preschool have been given the school policy rather than having one of their own as this is thankfully now quite rare in preschool settings (three year olds change their own nappies?! Where's the hysterical laughter emoticon?) This can be an issue in schools opening early years groups, not all Head Teachers know much about early years or get the concept that under fours have very different needs and cannot be treated like very small year 6s. Some schools are also still trying it on for total denial about the Equality Act until they run up against a parent or an outside professional who isn't buying it. The 'it's not in the LSA's contract' line lost any power years ago; since the Disability Discrimination Act first came into law about a decade ago all schools should have made it part of every job description for every new advertised post and a condition of employment. They will get no sympathy whatsoever from any outside body in the know, particularly the Local Authority.

Your county Parent Partnership group (contact details will be on your county council's website) will be used to dragging schools into the 21st century and know their facts well if you want any further back up. You can also contact your county council's early years team (will also be on their website) and let them know about this if things don't go to plan. Our county's team would take this very seriously, make sure the preschool got a copy of Eric's 'Right to Go' pack and an understanding that this is not ok, help to get their practice sorted quick and a word with the school management team if they haven't fully understood how early years settings need to work, and a warning about how their next Ofsted inspection is likely to turn out if they see this kind of bad early years practice.