To think 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy?

[RandallFloyd]

DS started pre-school this year and is not potty trained at all. Just not ready.

The school handbook thingy says "your child will not be precluded from attending Nursery should they not be toilet trained. In such circumstances a programme/plan will be drawn up between the school and parents as a positive step towards improving the situation".

He was dirty when I picked him up on Monday so yesterday, at drop-off, I asked them what their policy is. I was told they aren't allowed to change them, they have to encourage them to do it themselves. Also that they have to rely on the child telling them they are dirty. I explained that although he does wear pull-ups he wouldn't be able to do that and there is always wipes, nappies and nappy bags in his bag.

She just re-iterated that that's what they have to do, so I asked that if he is dirty again can they ring me and I'll sort him out (I live 5 mins away). Tbh I couldn't think of any other option.

She agreed but I left feeling like I'd asked something really unusual.

I know it's only morning but surely up to 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy? Of course he could have only been dirty for 5 minutes, I'll never know, but he was uncomfortable enough that he wouldn't walk home and was quite sore. And a diet nappy stinks, how can they need to wait for the child to tell them?!

Am I being massively pfb? I genuinely want honest opinions.

Well done - IMO if they take non potty trained dc then they should have the facilities and be obliged to change them.

My ds wasn't trained fully till 3.5 and then he just "got it" - he had shown signs earlier, we had tried and tried but he resisted and got stressed so we'd stop for a while and try again and one day he just started going by himself and was dry at night pretty much within a month even getting up for a wee in the night. My dnephew was trained the traditional way going ct and going through accidents etc and has to be made to go to the loo, resisting until he sometimes just gets there or occasionally a slight accident - ds just takes himself no question, rarely needs reminding and happy to stop whatever he is doing to go.

It varies from child to child and the fact that little Joe and Susan from Canterbury were trained by 20mths is irrelevant.

Good to read this, OP. Well done for making 'a fuss' and well done them for stepping up to their responsibilities.

Why is your child not potty trained. You knew you'd be leaving your child in this situation. Its your neglect, I'm afraid!
Its pathetic to expect someone else to change your child's dirty nappy when they should be potty trained.

Oh my good God. A latecomer with the usual level of snide.
Randall - ignore.

Not acceptable at all. I am not sure how pre-schools operate. My almost 4 year old goes to a private day care and he was toilet trained by 2 years and 10 months but there are plenty of kids in his room who must be over three who aren't. We were advised to leave toilet training to no earlier than just before they turned 3. Which we did and it was really easy. I think it's different from the past where kids were toilet trained much earlier. I know certainly in my parent's generation they trained them much earlier. However, we found the whole process really quite stress free by leaving him to almost 3.

Back to your question though OP - unacceptable. Certainly our day care would change nappies and wipe up snot etc. Absolutely. Surely you shouldn't be working in child care if you aren't prepared to do that.

I think it's different from the past where kids were toilet trained much earlier. I know certainly in my parent's generation they trained them much earlier.

Usually by dangling them over a potty just after they'd been fed/watered so you were pretty much guaranteed a wee.

Who can be bothered? Wait till they understand.

I'm guessing that Nash was up in the night feeding their PFB, who will, of course, develop absolutely typically and never provide the slightest challenge in any respect.

Glad they listened to your concerns, Randall.

No, Nash is totes right.
I am neglectful and completely to blame.

Thats good, really glad its sorted! Maybe the nose and poo was just an off day. Must be quite difficult the first few weeks at this time of year with all the new starters , they must be dealing with quite a few upset children who havent been in a nursery environment before as well

Crickey Nash your post makes you come across quite badly - this is a 3 year old you do get that don't you?

OP leaving any child Ina. Dirty soiled nappy is just neglect plain and simple.

If they are not prepared to change nappies then they need to make it clear they cannot accept children who are not potty trained.

But they are probably not 'allowed' to say this as they are most like
Y in receipt of the early years funding.

Just can't see why they can't draw up a care plan and change in pairs if they are worried about safeguarding.

Randall, if I wasn't fairly sure you're being tongue in cheek, I'd have to boot you up the bum!

Ignore the pompous pronouncement, it's pure ignorance. :)

I was thinking about this last night - I have a friend here whose DS is just 2, and she has "trained" him out of nappies, did it a few months ago (around 18m, I suppose?) Except that he's far from trained. He wets himself at least 3 times a day, so she has to carry at least 2 spare sets of clothes when out, and has heaps of washing. How is that any better than leaving him in nappies?

Well, to me, it's not. It's crazy. But there you go - I expect nash would think it's ok.

Nash - you disgust me!

When I was at university there seemed to be several people with no SN/medical conditions who were still struggling with the concept of using the loo many from very prestigious schools

So glad it got sorted for you OP and sorry about the rudeness! You're so clearly not someone who 'can't be bothered'. Quite the opposite.

Nash you dirty horrid troll. The child, is a toddler, not a 8 year old, yes providers of services for young children should be equipped to deal with changing nappies. What of toddlers have accidents, should they be left in their own waste Nash . You have no clue of chikd development, read up about it you idiot!

Thumb I think that sort of thing used to happen alot I know when ds1 19 was potty trained lots of friends dcs were out of nappies for 2 but wetting themselves a few times a day.

Dont see it as much with the younger dc as people seem to be leaving it longer, except one of my friends who insisted her dd was out of nappies for 2 and then was constantly changing her/rushing her to the loo.

See, I don't think that counts as "potty trained", does it Havana - it's just "taking them out of nappies before they're ready".

I know Havana it's not. I am trying to PT ds 2.7 years, but he keeps soiling himself, he understands what the toilet is for, but I don't think can read the signals on when he needs to go. If after a week it's still like this, I will wait a few months.

Personally I do think un less a diagnosed special needs which means the child can be toilet trained then children should not be at nursery till trained I would not want to be changing a nappy of a 3/4 year old

Well dont look after little children then fish

And you do realise dc with sn dont poo any different to nt children dont you? If you have a problem changing an nt child why would you be ok changing a child with sn

Aero you could find in the next couple of months he is suddenly ready, ds3 went from me thinking he was no where near to taking his nappy off one day and just doing it. Its amazing how suddenly ot can just happen for them

Thefishwife that is tge upper limit for TT, most children would be expected to be Beginning TT at 3+ ready for starting school.

Thanks Havana I hope so