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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy?

336 replies

RandallFloyd · 17/09/2014 09:30

DS started pre-school this year and is not potty trained at all. Just not ready.

The school handbook thingy says "your child will not be precluded from attending Nursery should they not be toilet trained. In such circumstances a programme/plan will be drawn up between the school and parents as a positive step towards improving the situation".

He was dirty when I picked him up on Monday so yesterday, at drop-off, I asked them what their policy is. I was told they aren't allowed to change them, they have to encourage them to do it themselves. Also that they have to rely on the child telling them they are dirty. I explained that although he does wear pull-ups he wouldn't be able to do that and there is always wipes, nappies and nappy bags in his bag.

She just re-iterated that that's what they have to do, so I asked that if he is dirty again can they ring me and I'll sort him out (I live 5 mins away). Tbh I couldn't think of any other option.

She agreed but I left feeling like I'd asked something really unusual.

I know it's only morning but surely up to 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy? Of course he could have only been dirty for 5 minutes, I'll never know, but he was uncomfortable enough that he wouldn't walk home and was quite sore. And a diet nappy stinks, how can they need to wait for the child to tell them?!

Am I being massively pfb? I genuinely want honest opinions.

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 18/09/2014 16:16

The argument used is lack of time, however surely it takes longer to dig out the parents number and go off and ring them?

Original poster
RandallFloyd · 18/09/2014 17:31

Well, I sent the email last night and have a missed call from them today.
I was in work (can't have phone on in the office) so tried to call them back 5 times and no answer!

At least it shows they've read the email and tried to respond quickly though. I'll give them another try tomorrow and hopefully get something set up for early next week.

I've looked at the CSSIW website and it seems they did do an assessment there and it seems a good one. Nothing on there about toileting or personal care at all though and I can't find anything in the school's published policies so I'll have to just look for the regulations and go from there I think.

It shouldn't be this hard!

OP posts:
Elfhame · 18/09/2014 17:49

YANBU

My DS wasn't trained until he was 4. Not for lack of trying from parents, grandparents, nursery staff and the health visitor. His nursery were very supportive and changed him when he soiled himself. Some kids will be later than the average age with this just like any other area of development. It's neglect to leave a child that long.

Elfhame · 18/09/2014 18:06

I pulled my DD out of a nursery that wasn't great. I was worried I was disrupting her but she loved the second nursery. If it were my child I would move him. I think the staff are mean to leave a child like that.

Cherriesandapples · 20/09/2014 08:41

How is it going?

insancerre · 20/09/2014 09:09

Good luck with the meeting
I manage a preschool. We take children from 2 and have had plenty of 3 year olds in nappies.
I work in the office and I have a degree and Early Years Professional Status but it doesn't mean I can't change nappies. I change nappies, wipe children's bottoms, change children when they are wet or soiled. I also wipe snotty faces. I buy wet wipes just for this purpose as tissue just doesn't cut it, especially if it is dried on.
Its basic care and should be undertaken by every single person who works in early years.You really ccan't separate physical care from children's education.
Its not called learning and development for nothing.

Original poster
RandallFloyd · 20/09/2014 12:17

Meeting is at 11 on Monday.
I'm dreading it, I'm shit at things like this.
One whiff of authority and I fold like a cheap deck chair Blush

I'm going to see if I can find the relevant legislation and print it out.
Not necessarily to storm in there waving it about but I think knowing I have it if I need it will give me the confidence to be more assertive if they I'd they and fob me off, iyswim.

OP posts:
Sarahplane · 20/09/2014 12:39

Good luck with the meeting tomorrow. My ds turned three in August and also isn't potty trained. He's been at the same private nursery since he was tiny though so we haven't had the same pressure. They do want them potty trained and try to build some more independence before they move up to preschool but they've accepted he's just not ready (we'd be trying at home but getting nowhere and it was the nursery staff who said to me that he's just not ready yet) and will continue changing him when he goes up to preschool.

I hope you can sort this out with the nursery if he's otherwise happy there but they need to accept that they need to change him when he's there and if not complain and/or move him to somewhere that will care for him properly.

Good luck

Original poster
RandallFloyd · 22/09/2014 09:39

Right, meeting is in an hour and a half.
I need to get my game face on and find a way to not go all red in the face and shaky.

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 22/09/2014 09:47

Oh good! Well you're in the right...so if anyone should be red and shaky it's THEM not you.xxx

PandasRock · 22/09/2014 09:48

Good luck at the meeting. I hope the pre school start seeing sense and agree to actually care for the childrne in their care.

Original poster
RandallFloyd · 22/09/2014 09:53

I'm such a wuss though Blush

Sitting in the headmaster's office is going to instantly revert me to a 13yo. Actually, that may not be a bad thing, maybe I can channel some of that old attitude. I was always right when I was 13. Woe betide anyone who suggested otherwise!

OP posts:
PandasRock · 22/09/2014 10:15

I know how you feel, andall.

But this time, you won't revert, because your ds needs you not to. You are his only advocate here. The pre school will carry on expecting him to fall in with their routines (which he cannot even be expected to begin to notice or understand fully, given his delays). They have no authority over you - this is a meeting of equals. In fact, you are the one with the knowledge and information they need. You have the upper hand.

PandasRock · 22/09/2014 10:15

grr, typo. *Randall

Original poster
RandallFloyd · 22/09/2014 10:36

Grr, indeed!

Ossom pep talk, you should do this for a living!

OP posts:
PandasRock · 22/09/2014 11:14

Why thank you Blush

Now, if only I could follow my own advice... I have a meeting with dd1's school on Wednesday, and there isn't much that can be done about the situation. I have some (reasonable, givent he situation) demands, and the school cannot (reasonably) promise those demands will be met. But if they are not, I may have to remove dd1.

just when it was all going so well.

Original poster
RandallFloyd · 22/09/2014 12:23

Oh no, that sounds very difficult. I hope you can get something sorted out for her. It's so hard isn't it.

The meeting went really well. They are happy to change him and happy to look for dings that's he's dirty. We've agreed that the best way is to just take him to be changed rather than asking him. Less anxiety that way, just make it routine iyswim.

They're also keen for me to keep them in the loop with regards to any issues and are happy to help him in whatever way they can.

Phew, thank you, everyone. MN does it again!

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 22/09/2014 12:28

Oh well done! You can send him in happy in the knowledge that he'll be looked after! Flowers

Iconfuseus · 22/09/2014 12:34

Well done, glad you got a resolution.

PandasRock · 22/09/2014 12:36

Well done, Randall! You did it Smile

Aeroflotgirl · 22/09/2014 13:03

Well done, they should be doing this already. But at least its sorted.

Original poster
RandallFloyd · 22/09/2014 13:29

I'm so relieved Smile
They seemed genuinely concerned, it's put my mind at rest a lot.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 22/09/2014 14:03

Well that's a relief, well done Randall! :) Thanks

Cherriesandapples · 22/09/2014 14:52

Well donexxx

Sarahplane · 22/09/2014 19:22

What a relief. Well done xx

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