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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be livid about the way my brother left my house?

180 replies

TaraS1979 · 16/09/2014 21:47

I have NC for this.
Earlier this year DP and I found our dream house at a rock bottom price. However our house hadn't yet sold, so his parents gave us the money to buy this home, and were due to pay them back when our first house sells.
Round about the time we were moving in, my brother, his wife and their toddler son moved back to the uk after being abroad for a year. They had no home to move into, having sold their house, so had the idea of living in our first house until we sold it or until they found a house themselves. This suited us as we otherwise would have had to find £700 per month for the mortgage payment (we charge DB £500 a month which is just below market rate).

They've been in there for about 5 months and agreed to show any potential buyers around. Which they have done, and have always had a tidy house when doing this. We decided to change estate agents a few weeks ago, and they were coming to take pictures of the house while DB and SIL were on holiday. So I text them a few days before their hols to ask them to make sure the garden was weeded, grass cut, tidy inside with DNs toys put away etc, so it was photo ready.

The day the estate agent went round i went to the house also, although everything was as I asked, the laminate floor was sticky in places, the grass hadn't been cut very well and inside the oven was disgusting. There was also food marks on the walls by DNs highchair, although SIL did tell me about that a few weeks ago and offered to re-paint it, but I told her not to bother as me and DP would do it at some point. The agent took pictures of the whole house (except for the grass, I told him I'd cut it and he can come back tomorrow to take the pic) however I was furious about the floor and oven and spent hours cleaning both and also marks on the walls. My DP, DDs and DDs dad came over when I was cleaning and agreed the floor and oven were a state.

I admit I did get very cross and put a status on Facebook about being disappointed and needing a drink. Not the most mature thing I know but that's how angry I was! The oven is only 2 years old! They didn't pay a deposit and we don't have a tenancy agreement in place, but if we did I'd be knocking money of their deposit for a deep clean!
The day DB and SIL came back from holiday I sent them a text telling them I wasn't impressed with the house, that I'd cleaned and cut the grass better and can they please keep the house to this standard from now on. I sent pictures that I took to prove I wasn't exaggerating.

TBH I was expecting an apology and a thank you for cleaning the oven and floor. However they have gone absolutely spare, have said that I had no right to clean the oven and floor, or bring people (my family) into the house when they were away. They'd have preferred it if I'd have told them when they got back so they could have cleaned it themselves. They also figured out the Facebook status was about them, which I apologised for and removed. They have called me a 'terrible person' and claim that a lot of the marks on the wall were there when they moved in.

They are now not speaking to me and are moving out as a result, which puts us up shit creek as we now need to find £500 a month plus 50% council tax! I'm fuming, and I honestly don't think I'm in the wrong.

Who IBU - me or them? DP says it's them but my mum thinks I was out of order and shouldn't have done it without their permission.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
PrettyPictures92 · 16/09/2014 21:50

YABU

Fcukfifa · 16/09/2014 21:50

Is this a joke? Yabu

CheatingSucks · 16/09/2014 21:51

YABU

Adayinthelife · 16/09/2014 21:51

I don't think you should have done that without their permission. I understand it's your house, but it's their home. If someone did that to me (as I rent my home), it'd feel like a huge violation of privacy.

OraProNobis · 16/09/2014 21:52

Well - sorry for your troubles but letting out a residence to anyone irrespective of your relationship to them without a proper legal agreement in place is just crazy. As you can now see. I'm afraid I'd have to say YABU - you really cannot just go into someone's home whether you own it or not and start buggering about. You just can't. And P/A FB statuses are just the pits.

JuanPotatoTwo · 16/09/2014 21:52

Blimey, I'm glad you're never likely to see my house op. Doesn't sound that bad.

CocktailQueen · 16/09/2014 21:52

Hmm, you sound very precious tbh. The inside of the oven was dirty? The grass too long (when they were away)? The wall by the high chair was dirty - but you knew that!

They did you a favour by needing somewhere to stay, otherwise you'd gave had to either rent the house yourself or pay the mortgage yourself, so give them a break!

Posting on facebook was stupid too. They are your family!

I'd apologise to them and say you were stressed, that's why you behaved so irrationally. I'm not surprised they've moved out.

Sorry. Yabu.

AllThatGlistens · 16/09/2014 21:52

Oh please tell me this is a joke? Shock

AlpacaLypse · 16/09/2014 21:52

You really are making a storm in a teacup out of this. You're potentially ruining your relationship with your brother and his family and dragging the rest of the family in too.

You shouldn't have let the house to DB and SIL without a tenancy agreement in the first place. Money and family doesn't mix (bitter experience) unless it's done on a businesslike footing.

CaptainSinker · 16/09/2014 21:54

Grass wasn't very well cut, sticky laminate, marks next to high chair, dirty oven. If that is it you were over reacting. You really should have had a quiet word about what you need for showing the house. That's all. If you rent your house to strangers expect much, much worse.

ihatethecold · 16/09/2014 21:54

Well! that bit you on the bum!

Yabu

HolyQuadrityDrinkFeckArseGirls · 16/09/2014 21:54

It's a reverse.

Dawndonnaagain · 16/09/2014 21:54

Estate agents don't look in ovens. You should have left it for them to do. You were extremely rude.

gordyslovesheep · 16/09/2014 21:54

oh PLEASE tell me this is a reverse AIBU???

if not YABU OP

londonrach · 16/09/2014 21:55

Yabu. Its their house, even if rented at less than market value. Unless you gave them 24 hours notice and they agreed that you can enter you had no right entering the property. Talk to cab re their rights. Not surprised they left!

Guitargirl · 16/09/2014 21:55

What everyone else said - YABU. I am not at all surprised that they are moving out.

hesterton · 16/09/2014 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed · 16/09/2014 21:55

YABU, tenants have the right to be undisturbed, even when they're family. Someone else cleaning my house while I was away and bitching about it on Facebook would certainly disturb me!

IHeartKingThistle · 16/09/2014 21:57

I've never seen estate agent's details with a picture of the inside of the oven.

They are putting themselves through the hassle of moving, with a toddler...and they see that as preferable to living with you as a landlord. What does that tell you?

londonrach · 16/09/2014 21:57

The fb thing is rude... I call reverse as no one can be that rude to tenants re the oven etc and asking in aibu.

Ozne · 16/09/2014 21:59

Ye gods, I thought you were going to say there was shit up the wall and a flea infestation.

Yab thoroughly u, and a terrible landlord to boot.

Lj8893 · 16/09/2014 22:00

Please tell me this is a wind up??
by what you have described i wouldn't say it sounds that bad!

you sound very precious, a little obsessive and really immature.

MrsPiggie · 16/09/2014 22:01

YABU, you shouldn't have brought people in without their consent, they are tenants and they've got rights. Why do you care about the inside of the oven, the estate agent wasn't going to take pictures of that. So basically you ruined your relationship with your DB because of a sticky floor and some grass that wasn't the right length. Nice.

ecuse · 16/09/2014 22:01

Are you batshit crazy? you aaked for it to ne photo ready then went round and inspected inside the oven in their home whilst they are on holiday? You need to wind your neck in and hope they accept your grovelling apology and stay.

Vitalstatistix · 16/09/2014 22:01

The person who behaved as you describe in your OP crossed a line, imo.

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