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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be livid about the way my brother left my house?

180 replies

TaraS1979 · 16/09/2014 21:47

I have NC for this.
Earlier this year DP and I found our dream house at a rock bottom price. However our house hadn't yet sold, so his parents gave us the money to buy this home, and were due to pay them back when our first house sells.
Round about the time we were moving in, my brother, his wife and their toddler son moved back to the uk after being abroad for a year. They had no home to move into, having sold their house, so had the idea of living in our first house until we sold it or until they found a house themselves. This suited us as we otherwise would have had to find £700 per month for the mortgage payment (we charge DB £500 a month which is just below market rate).

They've been in there for about 5 months and agreed to show any potential buyers around. Which they have done, and have always had a tidy house when doing this. We decided to change estate agents a few weeks ago, and they were coming to take pictures of the house while DB and SIL were on holiday. So I text them a few days before their hols to ask them to make sure the garden was weeded, grass cut, tidy inside with DNs toys put away etc, so it was photo ready.

The day the estate agent went round i went to the house also, although everything was as I asked, the laminate floor was sticky in places, the grass hadn't been cut very well and inside the oven was disgusting. There was also food marks on the walls by DNs highchair, although SIL did tell me about that a few weeks ago and offered to re-paint it, but I told her not to bother as me and DP would do it at some point. The agent took pictures of the whole house (except for the grass, I told him I'd cut it and he can come back tomorrow to take the pic) however I was furious about the floor and oven and spent hours cleaning both and also marks on the walls. My DP, DDs and DDs dad came over when I was cleaning and agreed the floor and oven were a state.

I admit I did get very cross and put a status on Facebook about being disappointed and needing a drink. Not the most mature thing I know but that's how angry I was! The oven is only 2 years old! They didn't pay a deposit and we don't have a tenancy agreement in place, but if we did I'd be knocking money of their deposit for a deep clean!
The day DB and SIL came back from holiday I sent them a text telling them I wasn't impressed with the house, that I'd cleaned and cut the grass better and can they please keep the house to this standard from now on. I sent pictures that I took to prove I wasn't exaggerating.

TBH I was expecting an apology and a thank you for cleaning the oven and floor. However they have gone absolutely spare, have said that I had no right to clean the oven and floor, or bring people (my family) into the house when they were away. They'd have preferred it if I'd have told them when they got back so they could have cleaned it themselves. They also figured out the Facebook status was about them, which I apologised for and removed. They have called me a 'terrible person' and claim that a lot of the marks on the wall were there when they moved in.

They are now not speaking to me and are moving out as a result, which puts us up shit creek as we now need to find £500 a month plus 50% council tax! I'm fuming, and I honestly don't think I'm in the wrong.

Who IBU - me or them? DP says it's them but my mum thinks I was out of order and shouldn't have done it without their permission.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
twofingerstoGideon · 17/09/2014 07:15

YABU and have only yourself to blame for your financial 'loss'.

Peppa87 · 17/09/2014 07:28

Yabvu and rude.

And what estate agent photographs inside an oven?! I doubt any do.

GoEasyPudding · 17/09/2014 07:28

Hypertension kills.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/09/2014 07:32

Yabu

SistersOfPercy · 17/09/2014 07:54

Exactly poolomoomon, kitty you can rent a detached in these parts for £500 a month.

Bouttimeforwine · 17/09/2014 08:01

Yabu

Jill2015 · 17/09/2014 08:02

I opened this thread, based on its title, expecting lurid tales of filthy toilets, trashed kitchen units, kids' drawings all over the walls, red wine all over the carpet, flea infestations, gouged laminate floors, a jungle of a garden full of old bikes, washing machines and mattresses, maggots in the bin, broken furniture and so on.

Same here, to be honest.
P.S. I hate cleaning the oven...Grin.

JamNan · 17/09/2014 08:05

YABU
serves you right too

TheHouseatWhoCorner · 17/09/2014 08:07

YABU.

CheeseToastie123 · 17/09/2014 08:12

Team Bro.

londonrach · 17/09/2014 08:14

Living in london now so silly rental prices although i believe people are making offers now. In oxforshire we rented a 2 bed cottage with garden and parking and log burner for £680 per month. It was very cute. Just saying £500 might be not far off the rental price. If you watch homes under the hammer. Depends on area.

PenisesAreNotPink · 17/09/2014 08:20

Is this going to be one of those extreme rarities where the OP comes back and says 'oh fuckeroonie I've been a twat, you're all right and I'm off to grovel like a bastard'?

thats happened once on here

Sootgremlin · 17/09/2014 08:45

You really need to apologise OP, if you want to salvage your relationship with your brother and his family. What a breach of trust. They haven't left you up shit creek regards the rent, you've pulled the rug out from under yourself there (no doubt to vacuum under it) by making them feel uncomfortable in their own home, and publicly humiliating them for their cleaning regime.

They may well have sorted those things before they moved out anyway, but they were not moving out, only going on holiday.

BitOutOfPractice · 17/09/2014 08:50

I neeeeeeeed the OP to come back. Not want. Need

Surfsup1 · 17/09/2014 09:32

What on earth were you looking in the oven for?
YABU and rude!

pictish · 17/09/2014 09:43

And to allow other people entry to their home to inspect and discuss the so-called mess as well! OP's ex was in there having a good tut at the state of the oven too. Oooh I cringe! How inappropriate?
Topped with the facebook status!!

And all this disappointment and public shaming over a sticky floor and a dirty oven in the home they were paying to live in and use. Confused
I'm betting OP's brother and wife could not pack quick enough.

UterusUterusGhali · 17/09/2014 10:08

Yabu.

Jill2015 · 17/09/2014 10:10

I'm just picturing everyone taking it in turns to gaze into the oven, and nod sagely. Hmm

Come back OP, please...

leeloo1 · 17/09/2014 10:20

"catsmother Wed 17-Sep-14 05:50:11

I opened this thread, based on its title, expecting lurid tales of filthy toilets, trashed kitchen units, kids' drawings all over the walls, red wine all over the carpet, flea infestations, gouged laminate floors, a jungle of a garden full of old bikes, washing machines and mattresses, maggots in the bin, broken furniture and so on.

I now feel distinctly underwhelmed."

Me too! Really OP, an uncleaned oven & sticky lino??

Imagine trying to get ready to go on your holiday and getting a text to say you need to weed and mow the lawn, put all the kids toys away and clean before you leave. They did their best, OP, you violated their trust and privacy and need to apologise.

Even if you don't feel bad about what you did, you need them here more than they need you!

pictish · 17/09/2014 10:24

Well put leeloo - all of it.

YoniMitchell · 17/09/2014 10:29

So a mucky oven? I'm sure that won't be the thing that stops people buying your house.

YABU on so many levels.

Redcherries · 17/09/2014 10:33

I assume as your tenants are expected to be so spot on perfect that you have transferred the mortgage to a special buy to let that allows family to rent from you (not many around) and you have full land lords insurance? No tenancy agreement can't bide well with either of those?

catsmother · 17/09/2014 10:38

Unless these people have been using their oven for hours every day to cook shedloads of very fatty and spitty food I just can't imagine what sort of "state" an oven could realistically get into in just 5 months anyway. Confused Did they leave a long forgotten leg of lamb complete with furry green "coat" in there or something ? Or had they had the temerity to leave a couple of pizza crumbs on its floor ? In all honesty it's been a lot lot longer than 5 months since I last cleaned my oven if ever and it looks perfectly okay to me.

pictish · 17/09/2014 10:43

Also...a mucky oven and sticky laminate would never warrant withholding a deposit for a deep clean, as you theoretically suggest. They are minor things, easily righted, and to be considered fair wear and tear.

Needapositivechange · 17/09/2014 10:50

Ok...

To be livid about the way my brother left my house?
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