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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be livid about the way my brother left my house?

180 replies

TaraS1979 · 16/09/2014 21:47

I have NC for this.
Earlier this year DP and I found our dream house at a rock bottom price. However our house hadn't yet sold, so his parents gave us the money to buy this home, and were due to pay them back when our first house sells.
Round about the time we were moving in, my brother, his wife and their toddler son moved back to the uk after being abroad for a year. They had no home to move into, having sold their house, so had the idea of living in our first house until we sold it or until they found a house themselves. This suited us as we otherwise would have had to find £700 per month for the mortgage payment (we charge DB £500 a month which is just below market rate).

They've been in there for about 5 months and agreed to show any potential buyers around. Which they have done, and have always had a tidy house when doing this. We decided to change estate agents a few weeks ago, and they were coming to take pictures of the house while DB and SIL were on holiday. So I text them a few days before their hols to ask them to make sure the garden was weeded, grass cut, tidy inside with DNs toys put away etc, so it was photo ready.

The day the estate agent went round i went to the house also, although everything was as I asked, the laminate floor was sticky in places, the grass hadn't been cut very well and inside the oven was disgusting. There was also food marks on the walls by DNs highchair, although SIL did tell me about that a few weeks ago and offered to re-paint it, but I told her not to bother as me and DP would do it at some point. The agent took pictures of the whole house (except for the grass, I told him I'd cut it and he can come back tomorrow to take the pic) however I was furious about the floor and oven and spent hours cleaning both and also marks on the walls. My DP, DDs and DDs dad came over when I was cleaning and agreed the floor and oven were a state.

I admit I did get very cross and put a status on Facebook about being disappointed and needing a drink. Not the most mature thing I know but that's how angry I was! The oven is only 2 years old! They didn't pay a deposit and we don't have a tenancy agreement in place, but if we did I'd be knocking money of their deposit for a deep clean!
The day DB and SIL came back from holiday I sent them a text telling them I wasn't impressed with the house, that I'd cleaned and cut the grass better and can they please keep the house to this standard from now on. I sent pictures that I took to prove I wasn't exaggerating.

TBH I was expecting an apology and a thank you for cleaning the oven and floor. However they have gone absolutely spare, have said that I had no right to clean the oven and floor, or bring people (my family) into the house when they were away. They'd have preferred it if I'd have told them when they got back so they could have cleaned it themselves. They also figured out the Facebook status was about them, which I apologised for and removed. They have called me a 'terrible person' and claim that a lot of the marks on the wall were there when they moved in.

They are now not speaking to me and are moving out as a result, which puts us up shit creek as we now need to find £500 a month plus 50% council tax! I'm fuming, and I honestly don't think I'm in the wrong.

Who IBU - me or them? DP says it's them but my mum thinks I was out of order and shouldn't have done it without their permission.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Branleuse · 17/09/2014 10:53

YABVU, youre charging them rent, so they are your tenants, and you cannot just let yourself into their home

ItsNotEasyBeingGreen · 17/09/2014 15:54

Still no OP?! Maybe it wasn't a reverse - in which case I hope OP is apologising to her brother!

londonrach · 17/09/2014 16:19

Sadly the op will never return. Hopefully she has apologised to her brother and her relationship with him is the most important aspect of this.

whois · 17/09/2014 16:26

Wow you were really horrible!

For starters it's not up to your paying tenants to get your house show home ready - cut the bloody grass yourself.

Secondly, tacky floors aren't going to show up in photos.

Thirdly, ovens can be cleaned when they move out.

Lastly, can't believe what a bitch you were posting shit like that on Facebook.

YellowTulips · 17/09/2014 16:36

Well based on the title I'd pulled on my Judgey Pants full expecting to be shocked at the filth left by your brother after a weekend stay or some sort.

So you are being v v v U on 3 counts.

My wasted time in donning said pants, trespassing what is actually your brothers home (despite the thread title) and being extremely precious about the state of the house in the grand scheme of things.

Tbh I'll knock that down to 2 as I think I'll keep the JP's on whilst I wait for the post from your SIL entitled "AIBU to think my brothers wife has lost the plot and teach her a lesson by moving out".

MollyHooper · 17/09/2014 16:44

You behaved terribly.

Good on them for moving out.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 17/09/2014 16:49

Assuming this isn't a reverse

YABU

When you rent out a property its not your home anymore its your tenants' home. You sound emotionally attached to the property and so treated them like naughty teenage children who haven't cleaned their room. It was patronising and rude.

SomethingVicardThisWayComes · 17/09/2014 17:07

op - if your still reading i think you need to detach yourself from the house you are renting - its getting sold - its not your home any more, but it was your brothers.
i never clean the oven - i get a firm out to do it for me every few months and it gets it as good as new! its no biggie. nor is a sticky floor - really could it just not be mopped?
i think you have gone into renting your house with completely the wrong frame of mind - they were paying you good money to live there and you should respect that their standards may be a little different to yours - but what you have described is nothing. they have not left it in a state and they havent trashed it - you have scored a complete own goal as now you have lost their rent and if you relet it to strangers then expect far worse than sticky floors and a mucky oven.

no one wants to be dictated to in their home no matter how long they are calling it home for.
you need to take a deep breath and apologise and respect that if they want to move out you have caused that.

Think about how you would feel if someone entered your home while you werent there and then posted all about your supposed housekeeping failures on facebook....chances are you would not be best pleased and i doubt very much you would be apologising over a sticky floor.....

gertiegusset · 17/09/2014 17:21

You were very wrong.
It's your house but they are tenants and whether or not you have a written rental agreement, they still have rights.
You have breached those rights and been childish and rude by putting it on facebook.

gertiegusset · 17/09/2014 17:23

And you can't just knock money off deposits.

Madratlady · 17/09/2014 17:45

Wow I hope they were covered by a tenancy agreement and deposit protection scheme. I'd be furious if if our landlords invaded our privacy like that.

eyebags63 · 17/09/2014 17:53

YABVU. A sticky floor and dirty oven which they would have cleaned anyway, get a fucking grip.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 17/09/2014 18:41

"Having to find 700 quid a month"

Well, no, you're just continuing to pay the mortgage while you live rent and mortgage-free in the house the parents have bought for you.

No-one could be this deluded and unreasonable, could they? Critiquing someone else's housekeeping, inviting other people round to view a minor bit of dirt and posting catty stuff on Facebook about it. No bloody wonder the brother and his family are making alternative arrangements! Still, that's three people off the Christmas present list. Plus a possibly irreversible rift in the family. Nice work!

Northernparent68 · 17/09/2014 19:06

If buyers are serious they will overlook dirty ovens, long grass etc. it's only people who had no intention of buying who point out issues like these and use them as an excuse not to buy.

Northernparent68 · 17/09/2014 19:09

I doubt serious buyers are off put by minor issues like dirty ovens, long grass etc

sanfairyanne · 17/09/2014 19:10

i hate reverse threads

HaroldLloyd · 17/09/2014 19:13

You was BANG BANG BANG out of order.

For one thing, your shouldn't have asked them to weed the garden and cut the grass. That's cheeky.

FOOD BY A BABIES HIGHCHAIR! Sticky Lino.

ring your brother, and grovel like you have never grovelled before.

If this is even true, even if it takes you one month to fill the house, you could have sorted all this when they moved out for a fraction of the cost.

Madness.

hamptoncourt · 17/09/2014 19:20

I actually don't think this is a reverse!!!

I think this poster genuinely thinks they are being reasonable Grin

Just in case MN has left you in any doubt - YABU. Please apologise to your DB as soon as you can. Just say the stress of it all got to you or some shite. Send them some Thanks and maybe some Wine and hope they soon forget what a dick you have been.

YellowTulips · 17/09/2014 19:36

I don't think it's a reverse but happy to be proven wrong.

I just think it's hard to write a post that self absorbed without actually being in total denial about how self centred, entitled and out of order you actually are Smile.

If it is a reverse the OP has seeming got her SIL's character down to a tee!

NiceCupOfTeaAndAPartyRing · 18/09/2014 13:52

Well this is awkward.

MrsBungle · 18/09/2014 14:18

Well, seems this isn't a reverse and op is too embrasssed to come back.

ThereMustAndShallBeTea · 18/09/2014 14:58

YABU. In case no one's mentioned it Grin

Sticky laminate/dirty oven don't even show up on EA's photos, you loon.

Gruntfuttock · 18/09/2014 15:11

"They didn't pay a deposit and we don't have a tenancy agreement in place, but if we did I'd be knocking money of their deposit for a deep clean!"

A "deep clean"? How ridiculous! Just for a dirty oven and a sticky bit of laminate* and everything else fine? Talk about an overreaction.

*both of which the DB and SIL would have sorted before they moved out I am sure

WyrdByrd · 18/09/2014 16:04

Yabu and a nightmare.

imho you'll be lucky if your db & sil ever speak to you again.

BookABooSue · 18/09/2014 16:15

YABsoU that you made me Grin