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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be livid about the way my brother left my house?

180 replies

TaraS1979 · 16/09/2014 21:47

I have NC for this.
Earlier this year DP and I found our dream house at a rock bottom price. However our house hadn't yet sold, so his parents gave us the money to buy this home, and were due to pay them back when our first house sells.
Round about the time we were moving in, my brother, his wife and their toddler son moved back to the uk after being abroad for a year. They had no home to move into, having sold their house, so had the idea of living in our first house until we sold it or until they found a house themselves. This suited us as we otherwise would have had to find £700 per month for the mortgage payment (we charge DB £500 a month which is just below market rate).

They've been in there for about 5 months and agreed to show any potential buyers around. Which they have done, and have always had a tidy house when doing this. We decided to change estate agents a few weeks ago, and they were coming to take pictures of the house while DB and SIL were on holiday. So I text them a few days before their hols to ask them to make sure the garden was weeded, grass cut, tidy inside with DNs toys put away etc, so it was photo ready.

The day the estate agent went round i went to the house also, although everything was as I asked, the laminate floor was sticky in places, the grass hadn't been cut very well and inside the oven was disgusting. There was also food marks on the walls by DNs highchair, although SIL did tell me about that a few weeks ago and offered to re-paint it, but I told her not to bother as me and DP would do it at some point. The agent took pictures of the whole house (except for the grass, I told him I'd cut it and he can come back tomorrow to take the pic) however I was furious about the floor and oven and spent hours cleaning both and also marks on the walls. My DP, DDs and DDs dad came over when I was cleaning and agreed the floor and oven were a state.

I admit I did get very cross and put a status on Facebook about being disappointed and needing a drink. Not the most mature thing I know but that's how angry I was! The oven is only 2 years old! They didn't pay a deposit and we don't have a tenancy agreement in place, but if we did I'd be knocking money of their deposit for a deep clean!
The day DB and SIL came back from holiday I sent them a text telling them I wasn't impressed with the house, that I'd cleaned and cut the grass better and can they please keep the house to this standard from now on. I sent pictures that I took to prove I wasn't exaggerating.

TBH I was expecting an apology and a thank you for cleaning the oven and floor. However they have gone absolutely spare, have said that I had no right to clean the oven and floor, or bring people (my family) into the house when they were away. They'd have preferred it if I'd have told them when they got back so they could have cleaned it themselves. They also figured out the Facebook status was about them, which I apologised for and removed. They have called me a 'terrible person' and claim that a lot of the marks on the wall were there when they moved in.

They are now not speaking to me and are moving out as a result, which puts us up shit creek as we now need to find £500 a month plus 50% council tax! I'm fuming, and I honestly don't think I'm in the wrong.

Who IBU - me or them? DP says it's them but my mum thinks I was out of order and shouldn't have done it without their permission.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
JudysPriest · 16/09/2014 22:02

Glue? Bath salts? Reverse?

To be livid about the way my brother left my house?
fellowes · 16/09/2014 22:02

yabu , livid ?

MrsBungle · 16/09/2014 22:02

Is this a reverse?!
Yabu. The estate agent doesn't photograph the inside of the oven. I'd be livid if my landlord came in to my house and brought others to show them how "dirty" it was! Sil offered to paint and you told her not to! Very previous and unreasonable!

Shakey1500 · 16/09/2014 22:04

You are absolutely being unreasonable.

AlpacaLypse · 16/09/2014 22:04

Hmm I'm also wondering if this might not be a reverse. Bad form OP if it is.

whycantifindaname · 16/09/2014 22:05

Time to grovel OP. although don't hold your breath about being forgiven, your actions are unforgivable. You invaded the privacy and sanctity of their home and then had the audacity to bitch about the state of it on Facebook, and invite all and sundry to visit for a look.

Seriously terrible behavior on your part. Big bunch of flowers, massive apology and acknowledgement of the damage you have caused.

MyFairyKing · 16/09/2014 22:05

In case you hadn't realised by now Wink YABU.

WipsGlitter · 16/09/2014 22:07

YABU. And nosey if you were looking in the oven!

iK8 · 16/09/2014 22:07

It's either a reverse or you are the most up tight, boundary crossing poster ever.

WooWooOwl · 16/09/2014 22:09

YABU. If rent is being paid, then you'd have no right to knock money off the deposit for a dirty oven, or marks on the walls, because they aren't obliged to keep it spotless, they just have to return it you to in the condition it was in when they moved in when they move out.

More fool you for not having a tenancy agreement, whether you really are the 'landlord' or the tenant in reverse.

You having to find the money to pay for your own house is not their problem.

Taking rent from someone doesn't give you the right to become dictator over they way they live.

coppertop · 16/09/2014 22:09

It's probably a good thing that you're selling up. I don't think you're quite cut out to be a landlord...

pictish · 16/09/2014 22:10

Yabu...that is their home. They live there. They pay to live there!
You cannot seriously expect them to live in a show home, and then let yourself in to clean on their behalf when it isn't one!
That asides, the things you're getting your knickers in a knot about...the laminate and the oven...they are of no matter!

You owe them an apology Missy! Wink

SoonToBeSix · 16/09/2014 22:11

Yabu !!!

AnyFucker · 16/09/2014 22:12

I think you got exactly what you deserved.

Nasty

joanofarchitrave · 16/09/2014 22:12

Maybe consider coming off Facebook if you can't stop yourself from posting when you're tired and upset? that's what MN is for

FoxSticks · 16/09/2014 22:14

YABU the estate agent isn't going to take a photo of the inside of the oven! They had already warned you about the wall and had cut the grass even though it might not have been to your standard.

pictish · 16/09/2014 22:14

TBH I was expecting an apology and a thank you for cleaning the oven and floor.

To be livid about the way my brother left my house?
QuintessentiallyQS · 16/09/2014 22:14

Yabu. They are doing you a favour. Settling into a home, not knowing how long for, and paying bills and rent.

OddFodd · 16/09/2014 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

gordyslovesheep · 16/09/2014 22:19

hello OP

To be livid about the way my brother left my house?
picnicbasketcase · 16/09/2014 22:19

You can't possibly be serious.

I really hope this is a reverse.

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/09/2014 22:21

Yabu.

RubyGoat · 16/09/2014 22:26

YABU. Your finances are your business, why are you blaming them?

RubyGoat · 16/09/2014 22:26

YABU. Your finances are your business, why are you blaming them?