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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let a delivery guy use my toilet?

287 replies

msfreud · 16/09/2014 17:46

Just that, really. Seems to happen all the time that delivery guys - everything from Ocado to Warren & Evans, ask to use my toilet once inside my property!

So today the guy from Warren & Evans (delivering a bed) asked, and I said no on the grounds that I would have needed to let him into a part of the house that I was keeping "closed off" as the cat (who needs to be kept in and out of the way of deliveries etc. as we've just moved) was there and I didn't want her to get out of there. And to be honest I've now had several experiences of a delivery guy asking to use my loo and leave it stinking of piss so I really prefer not to. Only have one loo in the house and want to keep it nice and clean. It's a not a public toilet after all and he was not a friend or family, just a random stranger really.

OP posts:

poolomoomon · 17/09/2014 11:55

This only happened once to us with a take away delivery guy. The sauce from one of our dishes had got all over his hands so he asked if he could come in and wash it off. Tbh I didn't want to let him in, DH said it was fine and let him go straight on through. I was a bit sat there at 8 PM on a Friday night in my sexy pjs looking delightful and having a stranger walk straight past me through my house. I just thought in my head "couldn't he wipe it on a napkin or something and then wash them properly when he got back to the restaurant?" Maybe that's me being overly cautious though, I don't let cold callers or anything in either but DH has done twice albeit years ago now after I told him off for it. It's my DGM and her scaremongering I think, she's always full of horror stories of people who do it and end up robbing the people blind or worse...

Yanbu though. I'm sure if they're desperate they can jump on out and go in the various supermarkets or fast food joint toilets that are dotted around.

hufflebottom · 17/09/2014 11:55

I probably would let them. Then (being the nutter I am) stand at the bottom of the stairs and wait

MaidOfStars · 17/09/2014 12:02

MaidOfStars Why do you think a strangers needs trump the feelings of the person who lives there? You really think a person should be made to feel uncomfortable/unsafe in their homes/sanctuary just to be nice?

Not at all. I think if you would genuinely feel unsafe, you can, of course, refuse. I rarely feel unsafe when confronted with strangers though, because for the most part, strangers are not burglars or violent criminals just waiting for an opportunity. I weigh up the odds of "Does this person genuinely need a pee?" .v. "Is this person going to bash my head with a hammer?" and come down on the side of the former.

But anyway, it strikes me that most refusers here aren't doing it from a safety POV, more a "Urrrrrr, gross" POV (exemplified by the kebab and real ale post above). That I do not get. My loo is not a gleaming shrine that must not be sullied by dirty outsiders. It's a loo.

Username12345 · 17/09/2014 12:15

I rarely feel unsafe when confronted with strangers though

Good for you. We can't all be like you though.

But anyway, it strikes me that most refusers here aren't doing it from a safety POV

Their POV is irrelevant. It's their home, they have the right to refuse regardless of whether you or others think their reasons are worthy or not.

princesscupcakemummyb · 17/09/2014 12:17

personally i am with op on this one i dont want strangers walking through my house to my upstairs loo to use it i would have said the same regardless of what some mumsnetters think

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 17/09/2014 12:20

YABU

I deliver parcels for a living, sometimes I will be out driving from village to village in the back of beyond for several hours at a time, just praying I come across a public loo or a handy McDs so that I can pop in.

For a driver with a van full of parcels, it may be that they are not allowed to leave it unattended, so even finding a public loo doesn't help. However, just nipping into a house for 30 seconds seems like an easier option and as delivery drivers often offer to bring the box inside or even upstairs if it is a big heavy item, yabu to think that they shouldn't be allowed in the house.

I do notice the smell when other people have weed in my loo (not just men, kids I look after too) which is probably an animal thing, the pheromones are 'other' or something. However, open a window or spray a bit of Glade around rather than let a driver pee themselves or have to go and find a bush.

Luckily my customers are much kinder and on the very few occasions I have felt desperate enough to ask, they have allowed me to use their facilities (one lady sent me an email afterwards apologising when she realised that there hadn't been any tissue in there!)

MaidOfStars · 17/09/2014 12:25

It's their home, they have the right to refuse regardless of whether you or others think their reasons are worthy or not

Agree. And I'm not suggesting that I police their homes in order to force them to do something they don't want to, am I?

This is a discussion forum, and a thread set up to ask whether the reasons the OP gave for refusal (cat loose, stinky piss) were reasonable.

IMO, they are not (in fact, I find those who claim to be unable to cope with the general smells and excretions of others [in the absence of any mitigating mental health issues] to be unbearably precious and downright snobby).

Which is why this:

Their POV is irrelevant

is manifestly bollocks. It's the whole point of the thread.

rainbowinmyroom · 17/09/2014 12:26

YANBU. We only have one loo.

'What goes around come around.' PMSL. So explain why innocent children get blown up or diseases? They did nothing to make it come it round like that.

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 17/09/2014 12:32

Well of course people have the right to refuse. The point is, why would you?

rainbowinmyroom · 17/09/2014 12:42

Lots of reasons, as many have given here: they have been burgled in the past, there is one loo upstairs and they don't like strangers on their own up there, they have OCD or anxiety, etc. They don't need to justify it.

theDudesmummy · 17/09/2014 12:49

I have not read the whole thread but am rather shocked that some people would be so mean as to refuse to allow someone to use the loo. Of course you have the right to refuse. But you have the right to be a mean-spirited person too. I wouldn't hesitate.

Nancy66 · 17/09/2014 12:53

these threads always make me laugh....

the poor sod probably just wanted a quick pee before his next job and to save him running late by having to find a McDonald and somewhere to park.

it's very unlikely he was going to leave your bog like one of the Maze Prison cells. Not least because you know where he works and can report him.

EmberElftree · 17/09/2014 12:54

I used to have a job where I had to make deliveries and I have a tiny bladder and drink lots of water. I used to use the loo in supermarkets, shopping centres, at motorway services etc. I never asked to use someone's toilet - it never crossed my mind to

aquashiv · 17/09/2014 13:02

Why are you keeping your poor cat in the toilet?

rainbowinmyroom · 17/09/2014 13:07

So the people who have been burgled in the past are just mean. Okay.

writtenguarantee · 17/09/2014 13:18

Lots of reasons, as many have given here: they have been burgled in the past,

while it's certainly unpleasant to be burgled, and I am sorry for however mentioned that, but what's clear to me is that the involvement of toilet was incidental. Those burglars were already in the house. the toilet was just an excuse. I think the lesson is not to let strangers roam around upstairs, not don't let them use the toilet.

by all means, pay attention and make sure they don't go into your bedroom. they are, after all, strangers.

writtenguarantee · 17/09/2014 13:23

Their POV is irrelevant. It's their home, they have the right to refuse regardless of whether you or others think their reasons are worthy or not.

nobody is questioning their right to refuse. we are not tabling a bill in the commons here revoking that right. that's not the question. the OP asked if SWBU. She asked for our opinion.

Floggingmolly · 17/09/2014 13:24

I doubt hovering in the vicinity of your bedroom while complete strangers have access to the upstairs of your house is any safer, really...

BeCool · 17/09/2014 13:24

It's really very sad how some people are so very afraid of people they don't know. And urine.

I'm also amazed as to how many MN'ers and their families poop rainbows, and think their wee smells of roses.

rainbowinmyroom · 17/09/2014 13:26

Plenty of people live in places where the only toilet is upstairs. I do.

I don't let strangers in to use it.

ohmymimi · 17/09/2014 13:26

I'd assume someone delivering to my home and asking to use my toilet did so because they really needed a toilet. Some people are so ridiculously precious about 'strangers' potentially polluting the sparkling facilities in their houses. No end of 'strangers' have used my toilet: window cleaners, gas engineers, kitchen fitters, landscapers, carpet fitters, carpenters, odd-job persons and -shock horror, followed by a fit of the vapours- a delivery person (utterly charming, very grateful, Eastern European young gentleman). I've never found a floater, puddle, splash, skid mark. I always give them a clean hand towel, which I've never found screwed up on the floor, or used instead of loo paper. All these 'strange' working people are quite civilised who'd have thunk it!

BeCool · 17/09/2014 13:27

If there is a danger from a stranger upstairs, then there will also be a danger from that some person downstairs.

Veritata · 17/09/2014 13:27

Rainbow, one person has referred to being burgled in the past, not "people" as you suggest. That's one person out of approximately 100 people posting on this thread.

Otherwise, what written said.

Veritata · 17/09/2014 13:29

I don't let strangers in to use it.

But this was a person who was already in the house. And someone who, if had nefarious designs, well knew that he was immediately identifiable through his employers. Not the highest risk, would you say?

rainbowinmyroom · 17/09/2014 13:30

Yes, it's merely 'unpleasant' to be burgled.

I've lived in two homes that were. It's far from just unpleasant. It's so violating. You worry about them coming back for you, your kids and family. They went through our dirty clothes bins, FFS. Took things of no monetary value that we treasured because they belonged to dead relatives and friends.

And yes, it makes you a different person often enough.

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