To email school about not letting my child say goodbye

[Caravanoflove]

My ds has just started school. He's not my first but is really hating school.
He has a lot if health problems and was actually in hospital for most of last week and still isn't 100%.
I took him to school this morning and he was crying, saying he didn't want to go in. We had made him a 'brave bracelet' to touch when he felt sad and I had planned to let his teachers know so they hopefully would let him keep it on throughout the day.
Anyway we were last to the door as it took a lot of effort to get him from the car to the school. His two teachers came out, literally manhandled him off me without a word and physically dragged him in.
I tried to tell them about the bracelet but they wouldn't let me speak. I didn't say goodbye to my son and he was screaming let me give my mummy a goodbye kiss.
A hug and a kiss has to be done every morning before I go to work and he gets quite upset if he doesn't get a one (I'm starting to wonder if perhaps he has some autistic traits in fact).
They just would not let him say goodbye and have his goodbye kiss. I know how hysterical he can get without saying goodbye and said to his teacher please let me say goodbye. She said no this is for the best and shut the door in my face.
I watched through the window as they had to take him into another room away from the other children still begging for a goodbye kiss from mummy.
Now I understand the need for tough no nonsense approach, especially when there are 42 in the class. I also understand we were late by a few mins and last in so teachers didn't have time for us.
However, am I unreasonable to think a 4 year old should be allowed ONE goodbye from mummy before being physically removed?
I'm literally in tears writing this and wondering whether to email the school asking them to let me say one goodbye before they drag him off?
Feeling very delicate so would appreciate fair but kind responses!

My two both left after lunch 2/3 days a week for their first term of Reception. They needed it and it didn't single them out.

Come the end of a very long Autumn term, there were many children in tears due to tiredness going in to school. Mine were fine particularly as I could promise that I would pick them up early. It worked so well. The school weren't overly keen but they know that the kids don't legally have to be there at that age. I had to be a bit pushy, citing medical reasons and tiredness, but I got my way in the end. It was the best decision I ever made.

Given your son's background of hospitalisation and the large class size I'd be pushing for a few half days. They tend to do their numeracy and literacy in the morning so he shouldn't miss that.

Both of my DCs have had a child in their class in reception who has left early for most of the reception year. My DCs commented on it but only in that they might say X is tallest in the class, Y goes home after lunch. By the time they are in Year 1, I would think it would never cross their minds again. Hardly singling the children out!
Hope you get something sorted.

Small children are quite obtuse. I doubt they'd give it a second thought tbh.

OP, my little ds was so similar. Sensitive, massive separation issues ( had to stop play group eventually after a term of trying and failing to leave). He started nursery at 3 and cried every single morning. I would have to leave and skulk outside until another parent would come and reassure me he was fine. Always came out happy, just couldn't do the separating. This went on a long time. Missing the first week is also a big disadvantage, we had that, too one term.

Anyway, roll forward a few years and he changed. Really changed. He became confident, independent and socially adept. He was just very, very attached to his mummy and unconfident.

He's nearly 25 now. Has travelled the world, studied abroad and generally done beautifully. I'm so glad I never forced him into doing things faster than his own pace. It's great that the school want to work together but remember, nobody knows your ds better than you so make sure they listen to you and trust your instincts.

Why not do half day on Tuesdays and Thursdays till January?

What barbarian said.

My dp uses an awesome phrase when people try to insist he does things he doesn't want to do, and doesn't have to do ...

He waits for them to finish demanding, and then he nods, smiles and says "Cool story! I'm going to carry on doing it my way, thanks for the thought"

I've tried it, it is surprisingly effective.

He's still crying at night and in the mornings but comes out of school quite happy, I think that is possibly relief that he's made it through the day!
My dh is going to pick him up early tomorrow to see if it makes a difference.

For what it's worth, OP, impressed by your email, it comes across very reasonable, measured and clear, good that you sent it in advance as it had the desired affect, they called you in sooner and seem to be showing more sensitivity now.

I used to have to deal with horrendous separation angst with my eldest. Having a routine and chance to say a proper goodbye was important for both of us, not just for him, you need it too as it's heartbreaking to see them so distressed. It will pass but tough in the process :(

Lovely to hear about Matilda's son :)

Doubt that the other children would notice. You may even find that other parents start to follow you. Maybe the teacher has said the same thing to them...