Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out for a whole day when we have guests for the weekend?

160 replies

ernesttheBavarian · 15/09/2014 06:45

OK; they are school friends, mainly of my dh, but I knew them too. We were not in touch for years decades and recently, due to fb they have got back in touch (a couple of years) and have met up a few times.

Anyway, dh has invited them over and they are coming, Wednesday till Sunday. I am dreading it a bit, but I'm sure it'll be lovely. But it's really the 2 men boys reliving their teenage years and getting stupidly drunk that the weekend is all about.

Anyway, I found out yesterday that my church is running a retreat day, and it is on that Saturday, probably from about 9-5. Dh and his mate are going to a football match that afternoon, already got 2 tickets.

My dh is a rabid atheist and sees red at the mere mention of religion, so it's always a sensitive issue. Because of this, I really hide, avoid confrontation, let things go, don't go as much as I would like etc etc. I usually miss these retreat days. There's only 1 or 2 a year. Often they are during school holidays or whatever which means I can't go. I have 4 kids, I work, I miss my spiritual enrichment time. I'm sure that leaves plenty of people, including my dh cold.

But, AIBU to want to go, or even, to actually go?

If the match starts at 4, I reckon dh and friend would go at 3, and I would be back by 5. Obviously if the match starts at 3 they would be off at e.g. 2.

Dh is stunned and shocked and angry with me for even mentioning it.

AIBU?
(sorry so long)

OP posts:
TheSkiingGardener · 15/09/2014 06:48

No, YANBU. He is. They are there for a few days so you'll see lots of them. You have every right to take what time you need.

FamiliesShareGerms · 15/09/2014 06:48

Sorry, what's the problem - childcare for the couple of hours where you would be at the retreat and they'd be at the match?

DancingDinosaur · 15/09/2014 06:50

Of course yanbu. Your dh sounds pretty selfish actually. He may not be religious, but he's being very disrespectful to you because you are religious. Not on at all.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 15/09/2014 06:52

Did DH discuss inviting them before he did, or did he just do it?

Would DH be 'stunned, shocked & angry' if this was something you were doing with/for the kids?

Who would look after your kids 'in the gap' if you did go?

Could you/would you want to ask her if she would like to go, whilst making it perfectly clear it's absolutely fine to say no if it's not her thing?

Anyway, all of that aside, if I was the other wife, I wouldn't mind at all. I'd be quite happy to do my own thing for the day/a couple of hours.

Either way, if I were you I'd go. It's important to you (and I say that as someone who would rather shove bamboo sticks down my finger nails than do that!! Grin)

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 15/09/2014 06:52

You say "they" are coming over, you then only mention the "2 men" being your DH and his friend.

Is there another person in this scenario?

Who is minding the children?

TouchOfNatural · 15/09/2014 06:57

Go! Childcare aside (which you can get a babysitter for), he wants you at his beck and call while his friends are there by the sounds of it.. And certainly doesn't want to have to look after his own children...!

So do go. He is being selfish and disrespectful.

Thankful I don't have to deal with that kind of attitude and hubby and I have same beliefs. Makes it easier.

Original poster
ernesttheBavarian · 15/09/2014 07:00

Sorry, friend and wife coming with their toddler. It was a done deal. I was told they were coming.

CHildcare (my dc) not an issue as my eldest is 15 and he often babysits my youngest, who is 6, so really it would just mean this woman would be on her own with her own child for 3 hours or so.

I had thought about inviting her Grin but I think she would prefer the bamboo option too. Plus then there would be a childcare issue for her dc.

Basically my dh and her dh with be annoying drunken teenage idiots the whole weekend.

DH reckons as they are only here 3 days (he's discounting the Wednesday as they arrive late afternoon) and the Sunday cos they leave late morning, so 3 full days as well as ARR and DEP, it's terrible for me to go away for 1 of these 3 days.

Even though they are his guests that he invited.

I guess once he calms down he will be reasonable. But I wanted to check if IWBU. I guess sometimes I don't see the situation the same as others.

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 15/09/2014 07:01

Is the guys other half coming too? What will she do if you are away all day? Are you expecting her to babysit?

littlewhitebag · 15/09/2014 07:02

What is the bamboo option?

TheSkiingGardener · 15/09/2014 07:05

He invited them without asking you? That's a very selfish thing to do.

Seriouslyffs · 15/09/2014 07:05

Yanbu at all. Please go.
Flowers

TheSkiingGardener · 15/09/2014 07:05

And since he invited them I take it he's sorting the beds out for then and doing all the cooking for them?

Original poster
ernesttheBavarian · 15/09/2014 07:06

lwb, lattelover said she would rather stick bamboo down her fingernails than go on a retreat. I reckon the dw coming over will feel the same.

No, I don't expect her to do anything with my dc. But it would mean she would be on her own with her own dc. She could, of course, choose to spend time with my dc Grin but I doubt that very much....

OP posts:
Original poster
ernesttheBavarian · 15/09/2014 07:07

He will do the cooking. Except maybe on the first day. I hate cooking. He always cooks on W/E, holidays. But I would be expected to sort bed. Except he is going to help me this time.

OP posts:
Sunna · 15/09/2014 07:09

YANBU. You didn't invite them - they are DH's guests. If he doesn't think the wife should be left alone then he should miss football.

Itsfab · 15/09/2014 07:10

Your DH is a wanker.

Go to the retreat. It seems like he invited his drinking buddy without asking you. I expect he expects you to cook and clean for the second coming?

OwlCapone · 15/09/2014 07:10

I think leaving a guest alone in your home for a few hrs is unbelievable rude.

Itsfab · 15/09/2014 07:12

"Help you" Hmm.

Words Need To Be Had.

Original poster
ernesttheBavarian · 15/09/2014 07:15

Ah, you see Owl, I guess that's dh view. I hate to be rude and I want her to be happy and to have a nice time too. :(

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 15/09/2014 07:15

if i was invited somewhere for the weekend with my Dh and small child i would think it very rude and odd that you would have booked to go away for the whole day when i was there. They probably think you knew they had been invited and are happy to have them there.

I can understand you have the hump with your DH for not agreeing the invitation with you first, but it is not the fault of the couple is it?

Bearbehind · 15/09/2014 07:15

TBH I think YABU.

You said your DH invited them, does that mean he didn't consult you on it at all or just that he physically did the asking?

You've found out about this retreat day after the other plans were made.

If it was just the other man coming then absolutely fine but if I was his wife if feel most uncomfortable throughout the whole stay if you'd made arrangements for just yourself for one day of my stay.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 15/09/2014 07:17

Definitely go, sounds like you need the thinking time!

Scrounger · 15/09/2014 07:18

I agree with Owl, your guests don't know the background. If I was invited over for a couple of days I would assume that it had been agreed between the 'invitors' before hand. As the guest I would feel very uncomfortable to be in your house with your three children without you, I would feel responsible for them even though you wouldn't expect me to be.

Your husband is out of order though, firstly in inviting people over without asking you if its OK, secondly he is very disrespectful about your beliefs and thirdly he sounds like an arse.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 15/09/2014 07:19

I would feel really uncomfortable if I was invited somewhere and was abandoned for an afternoon

AggressiveBunting · 15/09/2014 07:19

What's happening on Thursday and Friday- are you both taking time off work, or will they be entertaining themselves all day? if the latter then I can see that it might be viewed as a bit rude.

Swipe left for the next trending thread