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AIBU?

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Original poster

This wasn't done on purpose, why can't I be forgiven

316 replies

PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 12/09/2014 14:06

Last week I went to visit my friend who was babysitting for her sisters young children - 8 and 10.

We were playing with the children and generally getting hyperactive, chasing them round the house etc and eventually we settled them down a bit.

I was walking around the room and asking the children about the photos on the wall and their dvd collections etc when I picked up one of these from the sideboard and reminisced about how I had one as a child. Without thinking I shook it upside down to a shriek.

My friends mother had a baby, she grew into a 2 year old and sadly passed away. Her face was etched into the pin art, the pin art that I had just removed.

Now none of them are talking to me and I feel devastated.
What I did was terrible but at the same time I didn't realise. Yes I should have checked, it was on a sideboard after all. I don't even know how/if I can make it up to her.

She treasured this for a year :(

OP posts:
icymaiden · 12/09/2014 16:41

Don't beat yourself up, you couldn't possibly have known.
They aren't cross at you really, but the awful situation which no one should have to deal with

Stealthpolarbear · 12/09/2014 16:43

Yes or shaking a snow globe
Also unlike Lego they're wrecked pretty much the moment you touch them

Shockers · 12/09/2014 16:44

DD has one of those. If I move it to dust underneath it, the pins move. I think that this was inevitable, but it doesn't make the hurt any less. It's awful that they're making you feel so guilty, but maybe it's all they're capable of at the moment Sad.

Original poster
PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 12/09/2014 16:44

*And yet, it's managed to stay there untouched for an entire year
*

Had there not have been anything precious in it, picking it up would not have been a problem in anybodys house, admit it!

Just so happened that there was

OP posts:
mumukahoney · 12/09/2014 16:47

I feel for you OP and can completely see how you could quite innocently pick this up. I can also see why your friend and her Mother may be upset but I would imagine it's more at the loss of something that was a strong connection to their lost daughter/sister than what you did. Hopefully in time they will realise that for themselves and will accept your apology.
Only you know whether this would be appropriate but this artist makes 'pin' pictures, I know it's different to what you described but is probably a similar technique. Perhaps you could message him and ask if he could re-create a photograph of her in one of the 'pinpression' frames? I know it's not the same as the one the little girl did herself but could be a nice gesture, but like I said, you know them the best.
pushpinart.blogspot.co.uk

ithoughtofitfirst · 12/09/2014 16:48

I agree with icy you weren't to know. Be kind to yourself you're bound to be upset.

mumukahoney · 12/09/2014 16:51

Just to add it would obviously need to be glued to be transported which may or may not be possible.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/09/2014 16:53

Yes flogging I do, many of them,ages ranging from 10 months to adults(I'm one of those pesky very large families.

AdoraBell · 12/09/2014 16:53

You seem to want them to make you feel better by forgiving you.

Tough.

The only person who can you feel better about this is you. Others have said you can forgive yourself, that's were you start. Take responsibility for the accident and your reaction to the situation and work from there to resolve whatever emotion you have attached to it.

Original poster
PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 12/09/2014 16:54

You seem to want them to make you feel better by forgiving you incorrect

ake responsibility for the accident I have, I apologised and am writing about how bad I feel on here, hello?

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 12/09/2014 16:58

That's what the thread title said!
Op I have a lot of sympathy for you but you are coming across as spoiling for a good fight

Thurlow · 12/09/2014 16:58

God, some people are weird.

OP, what a terrible thing to happen. But so easily done. A toy in a public area, especially in a house with kids that age - I might have picked it up too.

You were there, helping to entertain the kids, and made a mistake.

Don't beat yourself up too much about it, though it is understandable that they are upset. I would send a card, apologising profusely but saying you know nothing can undo what happened or the hurt they feel, you just wanted to apologise properly.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 12/09/2014 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SallyMcgally · 12/09/2014 17:12

I think the OP is coming across as defensive because she probably didn't expect to be attacked as much as she has been. I don't know whether I'd have picked the thing up or not - I certainly might have done. It's designed to be ephemeral and played with again and again - how could she possibly have known? It's a desperately sad situation, and I don't think anyone really is at fault.
And yes oldbag if you have photos out you're inviting comment on them.

EverythingIsAwesome · 12/09/2014 17:20

How did the clean under/around the thing, and clean/dust the thing itself? The slightest tiny nudge moves the pins!

Altinkum · 12/09/2014 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juneybean · 12/09/2014 17:32

Yes it was a toy, but I think you could have asked what the print was of first before picking it up.

Cerisier · 12/09/2014 17:35

Some people are very tactile and want to touch everything. Others just look. I'm in the looking camp but I have friends who pick up and peer at everything. I feel nervous when they pick up delicate things in my house but I know telling them to keep their hands to themselves would be rude.

OP I am very surprised the parents hadn't left the pin toy somewhere safe. It was asking for trouble leaving out.

YellowTulips · 12/09/2014 17:36

Some of the posts here are just odd from my POV.

Picking up a toy is not a crime FFS and is hardly poking around. I'd really hate to be a visitor in some of your homes - do you supply everyone with a bio hazzard suit to make sure nothing is touched? It's not like she was opening cupboards or rooting through draws.

I really feel sorry for the family that a treasured item has been lost, but equally if it was that important better care should have been taken to preserve it.

Floggingmolly · 12/09/2014 17:39

Thinking about it; my kids got these in their stockings last Christmas, they may well have been miniature versions but they're about hand sized.
How big was it that a child could get their whole head in? Confused

XiCi · 12/09/2014 17:41

Surely you would have seen that the pin art was a baby's face though before you picked it up. And therefore it would of occurred to most people to ask what it was before shaking it. After all it was displayed on a sideboard not just thrown with the other toys. It must have been so precious to them, I'm not surprised at all that they won't speak to you.

Stealthpolarbear · 12/09/2014 17:43

Alt I completely agree. I just don't understand why the op is saying "wrong" to you want the, to forgive you when that is what the whole thread is about

Waltermittythesequel · 12/09/2014 17:47

Had there not have been anything precious in it, picking it up would not have been a problem in anybodys house, admit it!

Ffs, are you usually this self-absorbed?

So, you just want to be told YANBU they are for not forgiving you?

They're not obliged to forgive you. Right now, they probably don't give a flying fuck about you. I know I wouldn't.

Their child is dead. And you've ruined something of that child's.

I think that trumps your need for "there there" sentiments.

kinkyfuckery · 12/09/2014 17:48

Oh OP, you must be feeling awful Sad It sounds like one big mistake, and you couldn't have known its importance.

Like someone else said, be kind to yourself. I'm sure forgiveness will come in time.

Sparklypants · 12/09/2014 18:02

I wonder if the reason it was on the sideboard was because it's where it was put down when it was first done a year ago.
I know from experience how delicate those things are, and the slightest movement can ruin the imprint.

Op, I feel for you in this situation because you're right, it was a toy and toys are meant to be picked up and fiddled with (especially that kind of toy), but...I agree that you must've noticed the baby's face in it so not asking if it was ok touch it was thoughtless, especially considering how delicate this type of 'art' is.

Also, if you're coming across to your friend the way you are in this thread, e.g, making this more about YOUR hurt feelings, about YOU feeling awful and about YOU being forgiven then I wouldn't expect them to talk to you again.

I think you need to stop apologising. You've apologised already and I'm sure they don't want to hear anything else from you at the moment because, as another poster said, they probably feel as though they've lost their precious little girl all over again, and rightly or wrongly, you are to blame in their eyes (at the moment).

I can't imagine how I would feel if I lost the imprint of my child and that this imprint/toy was probably one of the last things that she touched, or that touched her. Photos are lovely, but this pin art had actually been in contact with the child and left an actual likeness of her.

This is a really unfortunate accident and I'm sure they are blaming themselves as much as you for not protecting it better or not saying anything, the thing is, at the moment, they're not going to tell you that.

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