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Original poster

This wasn't done on purpose, why can't I be forgiven

316 replies

PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 12/09/2014 14:06

Last week I went to visit my friend who was babysitting for her sisters young children - 8 and 10.

We were playing with the children and generally getting hyperactive, chasing them round the house etc and eventually we settled them down a bit.

I was walking around the room and asking the children about the photos on the wall and their dvd collections etc when I picked up one of these from the sideboard and reminisced about how I had one as a child. Without thinking I shook it upside down to a shriek.

My friends mother had a baby, she grew into a 2 year old and sadly passed away. Her face was etched into the pin art, the pin art that I had just removed.

Now none of them are talking to me and I feel devastated.
What I did was terrible but at the same time I didn't realise. Yes I should have checked, it was on a sideboard after all. I don't even know how/if I can make it up to her.

She treasured this for a year :(

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 12/09/2014 18:33

Maybe just me but I'd to register the precise arrangement of the pins! Especially looking down at it, don't these things usually have a thick frame?

GloriousGoosebumps · 12/09/2014 18:41

Actually, I don't feel any sympathy for the OP. Granted she's a little apologetic but she actually spends most of her time trying to blame the parents - for leaving it on the sideboard, for not having "fixed" the Pin Art in some way, she was only trying to entertain the children etc. The truth is she wasn't trying to entertain the children, who at 8 and 10 years old were perfectly able to tell her what they wanted to do, she was just being nosy and determined to have a good look around a house that she had probably never been in before. There would have been no problem if she had simply picked up the Pin Art, the damage was caused when she decided to shake it.

I'm wondering if the parents of the children even knew that the OP was going to be in their home, it sounds as though the sister invited the OP in once the parents had left.

If this is the level of apology the OP had offered then I'm not surprised that her apology hasn't been accepted.

Lastly, the poor 2 year old who passed away is the sibling of the OP's friend and the parent of the 8 and 10 year olds and so would probably have been around the same age as the friend and parent, had she lived so this Pin Art had survived many years until the OP decided to shake it.

TeaAndALemonTart · 12/09/2014 18:44

Really?

WrigleysBum · 12/09/2014 18:48

Oh god, there's nothing to be forgiven for.

Apologise, because presumably you are sorry it happened, but don't grovel.

pictish · 12/09/2014 18:49

gosh

Flipflops7 · 12/09/2014 18:49

I feel for the OP, the item should have been safely out of sight. How would she know not to pick up a toy?

WrigleysBum · 12/09/2014 18:51

Actually, thinking about it...this seems a very strange scenario.

Those pin things don't stay in place indefinitely. They gradually slide back down. Hmm

scrappydappydoo · 12/09/2014 19:00

Op I feel for you. I would be utterly mortified. I do think you just need to give them time and space. My dad died suddenly and I remember when a power cut erased his answer phone message. Even though we knew it was going to happen eventually, it just refreshed everything and made it raw again. Tough for you but there isn't much more you can do x

AdoraBell · 12/09/2014 19:02

So what is it that you do want OP ?

You ask "why can't I be forgiven"

You say that you feel terrible

What is it that you are trying to achieve with this thread?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 12/09/2014 19:02

The child only died a year ago, not many years.

I just can't see how they kept the pins in place for a year. Just a nudge would dislodge them, or gravity.

quietbatperson · 12/09/2014 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdoraBell · 12/09/2014 19:06

The parents possibly haven't thought about the effects of gravity on the thing. After only a year I would imagine all they think of is the imprint of her face.

CromerSutra · 12/09/2014 19:17

If this is true then I feel very sorry for all involved. It was a genuine accident. I can totally imagine it happening to anyone. There was a toy amongst many toys, you were chatting to the children etc. I'd never place "blame" on anyone but it is surprising that something so precious was left on a sideboard.

Anyway, I would not keep seeking forgiveness. You didn't mean to do it but they will be feeling absolutely wretched, this will have been horrible for them and I think you just have to forgive yourself and move on from it.

Mrsfrumble · 12/09/2014 19:21

Oh FFS, read the damn thread! The pin art was only a year old, it the child of the friend's sister. The OP has already corrected herself.

Some posters never miss a chance to be sanctimonious Hmm

maddening · 12/09/2014 19:22

Lots of things are broken accidentally after being kept for a time - sometimes they are irreplaceable. Something like this should be set in resin or something - it is so un-permanent in such an item kept out in the lounge - it was always going to happen - just a knock or a gust of wind and it's gone. And it was a toy used as an ornament - v precious but innocuous in it's meaning unless you've been told. And whoever broke it was always going to feel bad about it and should not have been put in the position that they break something so precious by a slip of the wrist.

But as the situation is so delicate it is not possible to be anything other than apologetic. They should have taken steps to prevent this happening as it was impossible not to foresee it. I have played with those things and it is impossible to keep them forever - a little nudge and it's gone.

Bearsinmotion · 12/09/2014 19:33

I don't think it's that unbelievable - my parents have one with my nephews face in it from when he was about 6, he's 10 now. No reason, we just all got bored with it!

I do think it's odd to just pick it up though, it's not something I'd touch in a strangers house.

5madthings · 12/09/2014 19:37

Oh bloody hell op how awful but you weren't to know!

We have one of those pin art thingies and my toddler has pressed her face into it, as have my elder kids but nothing stays imprinted for long ad it's one of those toys that always gets fiddled with.

I can imagine doing exactly the same thing myself.

My sideboard also has toys etc on it, currently some Lego models, visitors would maybe pick them up and that's fine. If the pin art is left lying around it would be played with, it's s toy and it wouldn't occur to me it's something precious.

Send a card etc and leave it be, it's obviously very raw to them, I am sure they will realise you didn't mean any harm.

KnackeredMuchly · 12/09/2014 19:40

Massive bunch of flowers due with a grovelling apology.

The thought made my blood run cold, I would feel dreadful. Irreplaceable Sad

GSTONES · 12/09/2014 19:54

I think it is a complete over reaction for them not to be talking to you. You made a mistake, you apologised, she may be upset but not talking to you is petty.

RhiWrites · 12/09/2014 19:55

It's unfortunate and sad but it would have happened sooner or later. It's not you they're angry at, it's the fact this has reminded them of the child that's gone.

Give them time. There's not really anything you can do except apologise. The situation's really unlikely to recur but perhaps tell yourself (and them more tactfully) to be more careful that objects that seem unimportant to you may have hidden value.

greenfolder · 12/09/2014 19:55

it was an accident. you feel dreadful. they feel dreadfully upset. you need to come to terms with it. You have apologised properly. They need time to deal with it. there is nothing more you can do.

and dreadful things do happen- i spilled a cup of tea over the only photo in existence of my paternal grandmother. my dad forgave me (eventually) but i can still remember the absolute horror of doing that 20 years on.

quietbatperson · 12/09/2014 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VulvaVoom · 12/09/2014 20:13

Oh this is awful. I'm afraid I can totally see how the child's mum is devastated as what she had can never be recreated but I can also see that you didn't mean to do this or cause upset. Poor you. I wouldn't expect the Mum to come round very quickly. I imagine she'll rationally know it's not your fault but will still find it very hard. As another poster said. objects can become very significant. Send a heartfelt letter and leave it up to them.

Hellokittycat · 12/09/2014 20:14

Oh gosh, I feel so sorry for you. It's such a horrible thing to happen and such an easy mistake to make. I can see why op is being defensive, to try and show just how much she didn't mean to upset them and how absolutely unintentional it was. I think nearly all of us here can see that quite clearly, but the grieving family won't be able to yet as they are so upset in their grief.
Don't let it eat you up. It was an accident. In time they will also come to see that.

EddieStobbart · 12/09/2014 20:26

This thread is making me feel a bit sick. OP it was an accident , you didn't know. Currently on my mantelpiece are cards from my birthday, a clock, some photos, a drawing in a frame by my DC and a Hamabead crocodile - I have two children and as a result random stuff is often put down in random places.

I can see why they would be absolutely devastated but if I was your friend I would be kicking myself that I didn't warn you. If it's anyone's fault I'd say it was your friend's. I think their upset is being unfairly directed at you as an outlet for their feelings and you'll just have to give it time.

You can't rewind time OP but forgive yourself and give them space.

DO NOT buy anything else for the sideboard.