This wasn't done on purpose, why can't I be forgiven

[PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar]

Last week I went to visit my friend who was babysitting for her sisters young children - 8 and 10.

We were playing with the children and generally getting hyperactive, chasing them round the house etc and eventually we settled them down a bit.

I was walking around the room and asking the children about the photos on the wall and their dvd collections etc when I picked up one of these from the sideboard and reminisced about how I had one as a child. Without thinking I shook it upside down to a shriek.

My friends mother had a baby, she grew into a 2 year old and sadly passed away. Her face was etched into the pin art, the pin art that I had just removed.

Now none of them are talking to me and I feel devastated.
What I did was terrible but at the same time I didn't realise. Yes I should have checked, it was on a sideboard after all. I don't even know how/if I can make it up to her.

She treasured this for a year :(

I would have assumed it was a toy as well. I've never known anyone have a piece of pin art they intended to for ever. Something that precious should be preserved in some way: put in a a case or varnished or something.

Having said that, of course they're upset and it's understandable; but after the initial feelings calm down I hope they'll be decent enough to start talking to you again.

I feel sorry for the OP. I completely disagree that she was rude to pick the pin art up and play with it. These things are toys, they're designed to entice people to pick them up and fiddle with them. They're deliberately tactile, like those squishy stress-balls; I usually see them on desks in offices.

Picking one up and playing with it is nothing like picking up, say, a vase or an ornament.

I am so, so sorry for the poor bereaved family, of course, but it was a big mistake to not anticipate this happening. It's like leaving a snow globe sitting on a mantelpiece when you don't want it shaken.

Really?

A two year old pressed her face into a load of pins and made the image of her face? How on earth does that work?

Not the point of the thread I know, I'm just not really getting it.

And this is why you do not touch stuff in other people houses

I don't get why you would just think you could play with something like that without asking It was a toy

Did your friend's sister ask you to entertain her children Yes, she is heavily pregnant and didn't have the energy

I'm sorry but you were being nosy and you should feel awful I held a toy that was in the living room within reach

that isn't 'entertaining' the children, that's being nosy and poking about No, it's encouraging the children to talk about their surroundings and memories. Breaking the ice with children I am not overly familiar with.

And this is why you do not touch stuff in other people houses
Right ok, message received. Next time I am babysitting do NOT TOUCH THE TOYS. That's akin to asking a babysitter not to touch the fridge or cooker

Am I thinking it's that toy that is a black box with the pins in and you hold it against your face and bend your head back so the pins fall down around the face to create the image??

If so then if course it's a genuine mistake, it is a popular toy and if I saw one on someone's mantelpiece I probably have done exactly what you did.

It's mortifying I know, I really feel for you, just give them time

I was on the fence until your last post. While you obviously didn't do this on purpose, you did do it & if you were that defensive with them I'm not overly surprised they aren't talking to you. Whether you agree or not, you do share some responsibility here.

Let them cool down, send flowers & a card, and above all don't justify your actions. It will only sound like an excuse to them.

For someone who cause great upset, your responses in your last post come across as very arrogant op.
That actually explains why in your title you come across as demanding them to forgive you. Get over yourself .

I cringed so much when I read the OP because I could imagine myself doing exactly the same thing! I can understand why you might feel awful OP, but to say you should feel awful is unkind and heavy-handed. It was an honest mistake!

Oh you poor thing. This could have happened to anyone, really! Those things ask to be played with. Just send her some flowers and a heartfelt note. There's nothing else you can do.

Op can you explain the timescales, was the thing very old?

This sounds pretty unbelievable, tbh. If your friend wanted a lasting reminder of her dead sister?? there are better ways than pressing a child's toy over her face . Assuming this is real, why didn't she just have a plaster cast made from the image??

I was on the fence until your last post. While you obviously didn't do this on purpose, you did do it & if you were that defensive with them I'm not overly surprised they aren't talking to you. Whether you agree or not, you do share some responsibility here obviously I didn't reply to them like that! Simply answering questions and yes, to a degree defending myself against people calling me rude.

That actually explains why in your title you come across as demanding them to forgive you. Get over yourself have already explained why I worded the title the way I did, to make it worthy of posting in AIBU purely for traffic

Op can you explain the timescales, was the thing very old The child died a year ago, the pin art was taken prior to her dying, I would say about a week, the death was sudden. They simply remembered it and decided to keep it.

This sounds pretty unbelievable, tbh. If your friend wanted a lasting reminder of her dead sister?? there are better ways than pressing a child's toy over her face confused. Assuming this is real, why didn't she just have a plaster cast made from the image the pin art wasn't taken as a momento, it was purely a coincidence

Notcied typo in OP, it was my friends sisters baby, mother must have come up because I was thinking of the childs mother (the sister) sorry for confusion!

Stuff on sideboards/mantle piece/shelf unless you are asked to if they do not belong to you then you do not touch them.its very different to toys in a toy box when playing with kids

Do you need to be forgiven? You can forgive yourself for it because it was a genuine mistake. As long as you apologised there's not much else you can do. It's up to them how they react to it really and whether or not they forgive you. It's out of your control. It was a mistake.

Did the mum whose child and house it was know you were coming to help baby sit.

Maybe she feels that someone gad come into her home, had a nose around and then destroyed a irreplaceable item that she treasured.

Did the mum whose child and house it was know you were coming to help baby sit

Yes she knew. I know her a little from back in college and through her sister

I thought your friend was babysitting and you went to visit her. Is that not right, did the DC's parents ask you to babysit?

I do have some sympathy for you as it was a genuine mistake.

However, your posts seem lacking in any understanding of the terrible tragedy this family have suffered, and you seem entirely focused on how you feel about it.

Maybe the mother of this child is being unreasonable but I would argue that a woman who lost her two year old so recently is entitled to be unreasonable.

OP I have one of these on my sideboard! Friends and family who come in can't resist saying something like "ohh I love these", picking it up and fiddling. Usually making a face is the most popular thing my 6 and 2 year old (and guests) do. I keep it there because it's a big heavy thing, and it might damage soft toys in a toy basket, or pins might snap, plus it's nicer out! I wouldn't look twice at someone who picked mine up, that's what it's for. I'm really sorry you had the misfortune to handle such an important thing and wipe it, but I do think that it should have been out of reach or behind glass if not for playing with!

In time they may be regretful they didn't think to keep it somewhere less accessible. For now maybe pain is still too raw. If you don't know them well, I'd keep away. Give your friend some time and call her in a few weeks? Don't feel bad, it wasn't deliberate. A toy on the side is no different to a toy in a box IMHO.

No no no...I don't accept the chiding of anyone here who think the OP did wrong. She was not poking about, and she didn't do anything inappropriate. She saw a toy and picked it up...simple as that. No one expects a naff, faddy novelty item, sitting on an easily accessible sideboard to hold any significance. Stop having a go at her people!

OP you have my sympathy. Your heart must have splashed into your gut when you realised. What a shame. xx

I think you've been attacked pretty harshly here OP. It could have happened to loads of people and it obviously wasn't done maliciously. But it will take your friend and her sister a long time to get over it (the little girl's mother may not) and one way of showing how sorry you are is to be as sensitive as you possibly can be to this. Flowers and a huge apology (even though I don't think it was entirely your fault) and no pressuring to forgive you quickly.
You poor thing - it was a horrible thing to happen.

I do think that it should have been out of reach or behind glass if not for playing with!
Absolutely. That it survived as long as it did is a miracle.