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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be sure if a 17 year old boy can be in the right headspace to train as a midwife?

618 replies

Boysclothes · 05/09/2014 11:26

I know a few male midwives, all older guys who are nurse converted and are all great. No problem with it at all.

However a friends son wants to be in a caring profession and she has asked me to have a chat with him about becoming a midwife, direct entry so training from next September. She knows a bit about it and thinks the autonomy/quicker progression/pay etc makes it more desirable than being a nurse.

So, I'm just musing here as I know the admissions tutors will make the decision they see fit, but I'm not sure if a just turned 18 year old lad could cope with or make sense of midwifery. It's just so very female isn't it? And if he hasn't got much experience of women, it just seems a bit... I dunno.... Inappropriate, possibly?

I'm going to tell him about the realities of the job but what are your thoughts?

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/09/2014 12:07

Good on anyone who knows which career path they want to take at seventeen.

Good on any 17 year old who doesnt just want to get their 15 minutes of fame and spends all day taking Selfies fucking Kardashians

Good on any young man or woman deciding to embark upon a challenging trainig programme. It isnt for the faint hearted.

Original poster
Boysclothes · 05/09/2014 12:07

The point stands though, they wouldn't be doing anything to do with intimate procedures at 18.

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 05/09/2014 12:08

If we want an equal society for women then it has to work both ways. Women can't say they want the same opportunities in life as men while trying to deny men the same thing.

^ Yes.

I think good for him. I'm also saddened at some of the attitudes here. Yes, an individual has the right to not want a medic/carer of whatever gender attending them, but as a whole society does not have the right to say people of one gender can't go into a particular field.

effinandjeffin · 05/09/2014 12:08

I wouldn't care tbh, so long as he knew whay he was doing. He couldn't possibly be any worse than some of the female midwives who delivered my dc's.

To the posters who object to a male midwife, if your baby was in distress during labour and you needed to be examined as soon as possible by a doctor, would you wait until a female doctor was available? This is a genuine question, I'm not trying to be goady.

femin · 05/09/2014 12:08

parallel - The early contact is sitting in on patient appointments. It is no big deal. I have had medical students sit in on my appointments. If anything it would be a bit boring for them. Very different from witnessing and assisting at a birth.

Beetlemilk · 05/09/2014 12:09

So what's the problem with male midwives specifically then? Birth isn't the only intimate procedure.

You would insist on a female, others may not. It doesn't mean that male midwives shouldn't be trained.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 05/09/2014 12:09

However a friends son wants to be in a caring profession and she has asked me to have a chat with him about becoming a midwife

It sounds like his Mum is the one driving this... I'd wait to see if it's what HE wants or not.

Like you say, it's up to the admissions process to make the decision.

But my 2p worth is that an 18 year old is too young - irrespective of whether they are male or female.

Original poster
Boysclothes · 05/09/2014 12:10

Obstetricians do a very different job to midwives though. You might object to one gender for one role but not the other.

OP posts:
PiperRose · 05/09/2014 12:10

So this is where we are is it, a place where the fight for equality has evolved so far that it's ok for women to dictate what jobs men do.

All of you saying you would let a male midwife anywhere near you are being discriminatory. Imagine if someone said 'I don't want a gay midwife' or I don't want a Black midwife'

Appalling attitude.

parallax80 · 05/09/2014 12:10

Saucy - just out of curiosity, would you also apply this to emergencies? (e.g. Would you request only female care givers if you had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy in the middle of the night?)

Beetlemilk · 05/09/2014 12:11

'Of course women and men should have the right to see a same sex Dr if they wish.'

exactly femin.
It's not a problem in other intimate procedures so why so much opposition to male midwives by some posters?

femin · 05/09/2014 12:12

Beetlemilk - Because a man wanting to become a midwife matters more than the women who will be giving birth.

PiperRose · 05/09/2014 12:13

Sorry meant 'WOULDN'T let a male midwife...'

WooWooOwl · 05/09/2014 12:13

And what if midwifery becomes quite popular amongst makes and you just happen to give birth on a shift when there aren't enough women available?

Will you take what the NHS has to offer in the form of a perfectly competent male, or will you decide to just go it alone?

Beetlemilk · 05/09/2014 12:13

How so femin?

code · 05/09/2014 12:13

are we back in the 1950s? The kindest person when I gave birth was the male ODA- who really cared about me and my dignity. More than I could say for the female midwives.

parallax80 · 05/09/2014 12:13

Tbh, I am involved in training and curriculum development for medical students, and the increasing levels of immaturity make me want to eat my head (or possibly their heads). I think the recent moves towards graduate entry are good, and probably there will be an increasing trend in this direction (in line with US, for example, where all medicine is post-graduate).

But it's definitely not gender specific!

DiaDuit · 05/09/2014 12:14

It sounds like his Mum is the one driving this... I'd wait to see if it's what HE wants or not.

Not necessarily. I knew from about 14/15 that i wanted to do beauty therapy. My mum asked her beauty therapist if she would talk to me about it and give me advice on where to train, work experience etc. my mum actually didnt want me to be a BT but she wanted me to do something so she was keen to support the thing i had chosen to do in the hope i would be succesful at it.

Original poster
Boysclothes · 05/09/2014 12:14

People do say they don't want a black midwife. Not often but it's happened. I myself have been asked to leave a labour room as Im Jewish and she didn't want a Jewish midwife.

It's not nice but it happens and the woman's wishes are respected. Both times we could accommodate the request so it was accommodated.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 05/09/2014 12:14

you are being discriminatory

I couldn't give a shit if I am personally. It's my fanny, and I will discriminate against whoever the Hell I like when it comes to granting access to it.

I think your birth-rapey attitude is appalling quite frankly.

LocalVelvet · 05/09/2014 12:15

What I wanted when giving birth was someone kind and good at their job. Both these qualities were lacking from many if the midwives (female) I encountered.

I could not have given a flying fuck if they were men, women, old, young, aliens, anything, as long as they treated me and my baby well.

I think it's really depressing that so many people seem to be so sexist about a young man trying to start out on a career he wants to do.

Fwiw, I had a make (gasp!) HV after I had my child, and he was great, and extremely helpful.

Madratlady · 05/09/2014 12:15

If his reasons for wanting to enter the profession are wrong or he's not suitable he either 1) won't pass the interview or 2) will fail placements/drop out once the reality of the course begins, nursing and I assume midwifery tend to have a high drop out rate. He should absolutely have the opportunity as long as he respects the womens' right to refuse for him to be present or provide their care.

Fwiw I think nursing would give him more opportunities.

code · 05/09/2014 12:15

This is hilarious as a great many obs/gynae/anaesthetists are male and we have been cared for by them during birth for many years without comment.

DownByTheRiverside · 05/09/2014 12:15

'So men can insist on a male doctor I suppose?'

My father does. And gets one.
I think that for intimate patient care, decisions need to be on a case by case basis and sensitively handled for all concerned, patients and staff.
I can't push for equal rights for women and be hypocritical though, and as I said, I'd have no problem with a male doctor or midwife.

CalamitouslyWrong · 05/09/2014 12:15

I find this really sad as well. That isn't shutting down discussion; it's commenting on the sadness I feel about how entrenched gendered ideas are.
I'm not sure why the OP thinks that the 'fluidy' bits of midwifery are so different from the 'fluidy' bits of any other kind of nursing.

I didn't care at all whether my midwives were 'experienced women' or not. All that actually matters is that they know what they're doing. In fact, some of the worst midwives I came across would fall into the 'experienced women' category. Kindness, caring, empathy and competence are traits that people can have or lack regardless of age or sex. They matter far more than the demographic category you'd be slotted in to. The obstetrician who finally delivered DS2 reminded me of Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura more than anything else, but all I cared about was DS2 actually being born after 36 hours of labour.

If the young man is passionate about becoming a midwife and has the qualities their looking for (rather than the genitalia too often expected in a midwife) I'm sure that will come across to his interviewers and that he'll be able to become a brilliant midwife.