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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be sure if a 17 year old boy can be in the right headspace to train as a midwife?

618 replies

Boysclothes · 05/09/2014 11:26

I know a few male midwives, all older guys who are nurse converted and are all great. No problem with it at all.

However a friends son wants to be in a caring profession and she has asked me to have a chat with him about becoming a midwife, direct entry so training from next September. She knows a bit about it and thinks the autonomy/quicker progression/pay etc makes it more desirable than being a nurse.

So, I'm just musing here as I know the admissions tutors will make the decision they see fit, but I'm not sure if a just turned 18 year old lad could cope with or make sense of midwifery. It's just so very female isn't it? And if he hasn't got much experience of women, it just seems a bit... I dunno.... Inappropriate, possibly?

I'm going to tell him about the realities of the job but what are your thoughts?

OP posts:
femin · 05/09/2014 12:16

Piperrose - Maybe you think the NHS should be run for the benefits of the staff then and not the patients? I have met some medical professionals like that.

And many young men will not go to a female Dr for intimate examinations or to discuss issues such as erectile dysfunction. In fact I know a young teenage boy who died of cancer because he wouldn't go to his female GP to talk about the lump on his testicles. By the time he told his parents about it, it was diagnosed as advanced cancer.

Maybe an old fashioned view, but I think the patients needs should come first.

PiperRose · 05/09/2014 12:16

That just reinforced the view that it's ok to be discriminatory Boysclothes

Beetlemilk · 05/09/2014 12:17

'I'm not sure why the OP thinks that the 'fluidy' bits of midwifery are so different from the 'fluidy' bits of any other kind of nursing. '

EXACTLY! That's what I was trying to say!

femin · 05/09/2014 12:17

If you don't care if you have a female or male midwife or Dr fine. But some women do, and they should have a choice.

CalamitouslyWrong · 05/09/2014 12:17

Code: I agree. I don't understand why people think male midwives should be a problem when obstetrics and gynaecology is awash with male doctors.

Tryharder · 05/09/2014 12:18

I'd tentatively say go for it as long as it's what he wants to do rather than what his mum wants him to do.

I would however suggest doing a general nursing degree first then specialising in midwifery afterwards. He will be a bit older and wiser by then.

Unless this boy is very exceptional, I'm not sure he would be emotionally equipped for it YET. And I would probably say that to a 17 year old girl as well.

My friend's daughter did midwifery at about the same age. She gave up after 3 months because she couldn't stand looking at all the "old" women's big, hairy fannies. I am quoting her btw. I was 40 when I last gave birth and certainly wouldn't have wanted some teen discussing the state of my vagina on Facebook.

PiperRose · 05/09/2014 12:18

No, Femin that's not the case, but I do think that NHS staff should be able to do their jobs without facing discrimination from people with archaic and dangerous views.

OnlyLovers · 05/09/2014 12:18

Saucy, what do you mean by 'birth-rapey attitude'?

SlicedAndDiced · 05/09/2014 12:20

It's unusual but good for him!

I don't think it is fair to question his motives, seems a bit sexist.

Beside if he was doing it for the wrong motives I'm sure the blood, gore and lack of supermodel vaginas would put him off.

DownByTheRiverside · 05/09/2014 12:20

'But some women do, and they should have a choice.'

Every patient should have a choice, but I hope that those looking over his application have a more open-minded attitude and don't deny him a place purely because he's male.

Writerwannabe83 · 05/09/2014 12:21

I'm genuinely shocked by all this! Of course he should be allowed to train without prejudice.

I've had many a man poking around down there and ok it feels a bit 'strange' that it is a male I would never ever think he shouldn't be doing it just because he's a man. He is a professional and is just doing his job. I would never ask for a female doctor just because she has the same anatomy as me.

His age is irrelevant too - all aspects of the medical profession can be entered into when the person is 18 (in terms of training) so why should midwifery be any different??

Fair play to him and I hope he goes for it and excels!!!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 05/09/2014 12:21

I was seen by a male mw, he wasn't long qualified and was young. He was really good. Great with advice and very relaxed. Age has little to do with it if you're good at you're job.

HesterShaw · 05/09/2014 12:22

It's not that he's male. It's that he's a teenage male and hasn't matured fully.

I knew lots of med students at university - teenage boys of 18/19/20 and the way some of them sometimes talked about women's bodies they'd seen made me feel sick. That's not to say they're not grown up and good doctors NOW.

BarbarianMum · 05/09/2014 12:22

Saucy you can choose to only use female midwives, obstetricians and surgeons - that is your right. But I can assure you that when the baby is stuck, highly distressed or when they can't find a heart beat you will be more concerned with getting help quickly.

Likewise, when you are being assessed for cancer of the colon you are not sitting there thinking "well no man's going near my arse, I will ask to be referred to the nearest hospital with suitable female staff and just wait another 6 weeks to find out." You just aren't.

femin · 05/09/2014 12:23

It is not discrimination if a woman does not want a male midwife.

DiaDuit · 05/09/2014 12:23

I think a woman preferring a female midwife and males training to be midwives are not mutually exclusive. It is entirely possible for every woman who wishes to have a female midwife to have one at the same time as male midwives existing. We all have the absoloute right to refuse care by anyone and that should always remain. However we dont have the right to deny any other person the opportunity of employment in their chosen profession if they have fulfilled all the required criteria for the role. Female gender is not a requirement for being a midwife. Male midwives can exist on the very ward you are giving birth without you having to allow them access to your body if you dont consent.

basgetti · 05/09/2014 12:23

I would never ask for a female doctor just because she has the same anatomy as me.

Good for you Writer. Is it beyond your imagination to consider that there may be many reasons why other women feel differently?

PiperRose · 05/09/2014 12:25

I am genuinely upset by some of the attitudes on here. It's like being dumped in a parallel universe

femin · 05/09/2014 12:25

Barbarianmum - People do accept delays for investigation of cancer because there isn't a same sex Dr available more quickly.

I think your post is a bit naive in showing no understanding of what some people have been through. This isn't just a whim for many people.

Terrierterror · 05/09/2014 12:26

Birth is easier and safer for mother and baby if the mother is as relaxed as possible. I can't think of any other medical situation where for around 12 hours you are one on one with the medic doing repeated intimate exams in a state of increasing pain and stress. There are threads on here frequently where women can't face a female midwife examining them because of past abuse.

But what about the menz.

Original poster
Boysclothes · 05/09/2014 12:28

Don't be genuinely upset Piper. Twenty years ago we had no male midwives. Now we are seeing more and more coming through conversion and a few direct entry. It's new territory though so it will be discussed. If you want to get upset about sexism there are plenty more areas where no progress is being made at all.

OP posts:
TaurielTest · 05/09/2014 12:29

I'd be interested to know what your male midwife friends/colleagues would have to say - perhaps they could chat to him too. I think if midwifery is the particular caring profession that your friend's son feels a calling for, then he should go for it (one of my DSs is interested in birth and babies and who knows, he might make a great midwife one day).
If, though, he's interested in caring more generally, a nursing degree might be a better choice and give him more options? My brother (a HCA in mental health nursing) is just getting to the end of his.

PiperRose · 05/09/2014 12:29

Femin it is saying that a person can't do their job properly because of their physicality, and that is discriminatory.

WooWooOwl · 05/09/2014 12:29

Anyone who asked not to be attended by a black midwife, or a Jewish midwife is racist, and is no worse than someone asking motto be attended by a male midwife IMO.

If you want to judge people based on their ethnicity and or their skin colour or the sex organs they happen to posses, then that's fine, but the NHS shouldn't have to pander to your discrimination.

Fwiw, one of my dc was delivered by a male paramedic with the help of a male ambulance technician and the were no other women present. There is absolutely nothing that a woman could have done to provide me and my baby with better care than, or more kindness and understanding than those men did.

basgetti · 05/09/2014 12:29

BarbarianMum you might be right that in an emergency situation some patients would change their minds. But equally some may not.

I would probably relent in a life or death situation but that doesn't mean I want an 18 year old male sitting in my booking in appointment whilst I discuss my previous MC and DV experiences.

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