to think this woman was rude to invite my husband round for coffee, even though i was stood next to him.

[hatethecold]

I wondered what you would make of this situation.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital and because I knew it wouldn't take long, and it was nice and sunny, I suggested that my husband wait outside.
When I came out, I noticed he was chatting to a woman who I recognised as being a friend of his from years ago.
I went and stood next to them and said hello. They chatted for a few minutes more, husband said 'we have to go now' to which she replied
'It was nice bumping into you, YOU will have to call in for a coffee one day'
This was said to him only and didn't seem to include me

As we were walking away I said jokingly that 'I noticed I wasn't included in the invite!'
He said she probably didn't mean anything by it.

I agree with him, but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.
(I think it was the fact I was stood right next to him when she did it that really riled)

If the tables were turned, as soon as the wife turned up, I would have included her in the conversation AND in the invite for coffee?

Am I being unreasonable to be as annoyed by this as I am?
Have any of you had anything similar happen to you?

What I can't understand though is if you genuinely thought someone was after your husband why wouldn't you just laugh it off, have faith in yourself being a great catch and your dh being a decent bloke. Why make yourself look ridiculous and give the other women grounds to think she stands a chance because you're worried about her? Complete madness.

It's not the other woman you ever have to worry about, it's your own husband and your own relationship.

Sanfairyanne I suppose you are a fucking paragon of fucking virtue. I may have done some "appalling"things but does that make me an "appalling" person ask my friends/family. I am glad you think blackmail on the part of this other woman wasn't appalling, have a sodding biscuit why don't you?

Another I do, but not related to any women.

I hope I'm not quite so patronising when I'm as old as you

I am going to do a fucking judgement about some of the posters on here before I walk away from this thread as I can feel the BP. Perhaps you lot are the "other" woman which is why you condemn my stupid behaviour from 1 party but NO comment on the behaviour of the other girl.

Typos.... BP rising is what I should have said

My dad actually left my mum after 30 years of marriage after deciding to meet up for "coffee" with a work acquaintance. Maybe at the time he had no intention of having an affair but as can often happen in circumstances like this(the woman was telling him how unhappy in her marriage she was) my dad probably felt like her knight in shining armour, but there you go, dad left my mum in a very heartless way(she had to take on an extra job to pay the bills) he was nearly due for retirement and soon after leaving her got a huge lump sum and very generous pension. My mum got nothing(no laws then to make sure she got half). I've since found out the woman went all out to get my dad(they've both died since)....but perhaps this is an example of what an innocent coffee can lead to?

Maisy your dad was equally responsible for that decision making process. Just because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants doesn't mean that coffee needs to equal shagging.

Maisyblue exactly. Sorry for your Mum too :(. The Woman in my dad's case had a partner before who was 3o years older than her, he left her his house. We met up wit his children and they are v. bitter about losing their inheritance. I could not care less about an inheritance as my dad was so mean I never expected anything I care that my poor Mum has to fight for every penny and I don't see why this woman can just stroll in and reap the rewards of my DM's hard work, she is like a vulture.

ilovesooty yes you are so right, the old signals have to be given off. I think my dad wanted sex and pity.

I totally agree ilovesooty, he was probably going through some sort of delayed mid life crisis! ( no excuse I know)he was right for the picking... And the woman he went off with was a hard faced hard hearted bitch.....how do we know the woman the op describes isn't the same. There's lots of them about you know.

Meant ripe for the picking.

Candycrush I know that was very hard to bear for us as well. We (his kids) didn't want anything but to have to see this woman who'd only known him 5 minutes get the benefit of all those years of pension while my mum didn't get a penny was heartbreaking. I would even go as far as to say that the massive trauma and stress of it all led to by lovely mums early death.

Maisy I am so sorry. Your poor Mum and poor family. It is shocking how predatory some people are (it is not all about love or lust). Some people men and women are cold hearted hustlers who do not give a shit about anybody else. The few things we have learned about my Dad's partner make her sound like a sociopath.

People in relationships are either up for an affair or not.

This attitude of 'poor weak men pushed into an affair by being offered it on a plate' infantalizes and patronises men and portrays women as sexual aggresive.

If a person wants to be faithful then any provocation will not work!. Too many people are still buying into this idea that it's 'slutty' people (usually women) who cause affairs. That's BS!.

In my experience, some people are as faithful as their options - ie, faithful till they sense someone else is on offer - but it's not what's on offer that makes them unfaithful, it's THEM!. A truly faithful partner could have any kind of 'offer' and not go down that road.

Suggesting it's temptresses (or male equivalent) that causes affairs is what people tell themselves to feel better about being cheated on when the fact is, your partner just treated you like shit.

I get all you say MrsBoldon but what does this say about the other person of either sex who sets their cap on someone who has a partner. Of course you do not have to give in to "temptation", if I had a male friend who was platonic who then started doing a big "come on" it would change the dynamics pretty seriously and I would have to distance myself as it would be pretty hard to get it back to how it was. And if he knew DH I would be furious for DH. My dad's partner seems to have a penchant for rich old men, it does not excuse her or my dad.

And some women can be as sexually aggressive as men imo

MrsBolden that's just it though, it is the temptresses and the male equivalent that start affairs! what else can it be? If a man or a woman goes into an affair knowing that they are going to hurt a lot of people just because they can't control their lustful urges then they deserve to be called much worse.

candy The way you narrated your story about "Party Girl " sounds bonkers. Where did you come up with her giving her rabbit myxomatosis and Party Girl having crabs? I have to acknowledge the inventiveness of your insults. I would not have thought of either of them even stone cold sober.

I do agree however with the doubly sexist views of predatory women offering themselves up on a plate to poor, innocent men who otherwise wouldn't ever stray but simply can't help themselves.

I've been in exactly the same predicament and I admit i got very upset but I was pregnant and hormonal!
What made it worse was that because Dh knew I'd be upset if he met up with her, he met up with her secretly. That still upsets me now.
It's best to let these things go. It makes for an easier life I find.

OK Phaedra I get that. I have NO idea and I did not even know about the nits till next day as I had no recollection of saying it. Yes v. scary. There is a huge backstory to this event along the lines of "Single White Female" on her part but I wont bother going into it as I have been royally flamed here. At least you only called me bonkers ;) and not "pillock" and "evil" which I just thought was OTT .....

Maisy well put, and Doubtfuldaphne sorry :) also for you, horrid when you were pregnant

Candy: You prove my point - if someone was coming on to you you'd back away because you're in a relationship.

If people in a relationship aren't able to do that then it's not about the 'temptress' or whatever the male equivalent is - it's about the person who is CHOOSING to cheat on their partner.

I'm sorry your family was damaged by an affair but it was your Dads decision. He owed your Mum better and he let you all down in the end but it was his choice.

There are people who set out to 'get' people in relationships but they only get the one's who are happy to be 'got'.