to think this woman was rude to invite my husband round for coffee, even though i was stood next to him.

[hatethecold]

I wondered what you would make of this situation.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital and because I knew it wouldn't take long, and it was nice and sunny, I suggested that my husband wait outside.
When I came out, I noticed he was chatting to a woman who I recognised as being a friend of his from years ago.
I went and stood next to them and said hello. They chatted for a few minutes more, husband said 'we have to go now' to which she replied
'It was nice bumping into you, YOU will have to call in for a coffee one day'
This was said to him only and didn't seem to include me

As we were walking away I said jokingly that 'I noticed I wasn't included in the invite!'
He said she probably didn't mean anything by it.

I agree with him, but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.
(I think it was the fact I was stood right next to him when she did it that really riled)

If the tables were turned, as soon as the wife turned up, I would have included her in the conversation AND in the invite for coffee?

Am I being unreasonable to be as annoyed by this as I am?
Have any of you had anything similar happen to you?

as DH was escorting me out

Love this bit. I bet he was! He was probably steering you out and shaking his head at people and apologising for you as you went for your humiliating behaviour!

I have reported Emeraldlion as your tone is just downright unecessary ok

Good point MrsBoldon.

candy, If you had no recollection of the "nits" comment, can you say for certain that you didn't threaten to punch her?

An AIBU from the point of the girls whose party you crashed and then ruined:

I invited a load of male co-workers that I regularly do a pub quiz with to my 30th. I didn't invite their partners as I don't know them very well (met them a couple of times at the pub quiz) and to be honest some of them are quite hostile as I'm a single woman and I think they feel threatened. One of them managed to wangle her way into the private club where my party was being held with a load of her friends. They spent the entire time glaring at me and made me feel really shitty. One of the wives got absolutely blotto, and went round saying horrible and untrue things about me to my friends (such as saying I gave my beloved pet rabbit myxomatosis and that I had pubic lice). I felt really threatened by her and her friends, and when her embarrassed husband dragged her away, she shouted at I looked 30lbs heavier and gesticulated at me in a way that was really intimidating. I actually thought she was going to hit me! I ended up in the toilets in tears, and pretty much everyone left soon after, it really killed the mood. I feel like she ruined my birthday. AIBU to threaten to sue her for defamation? It's probably an over reaction, but one of my friends is a solicitor and she says that's what she'd advise me to do. To be honest, I just want her to realise what a bitch she was and also how unwise she was being - my dad works in the same profession as her husband, and he said her behaviour could really damage his career! Would I be unreasonable to tell her that?

Obviously that would be putting her slant on it... But can you see how outrageous and provocative your behaviour could appear to disinterested observers?

Carmine they were NOT co workers. My DH was her only C/Worker she met all the other men (our assorted relatives and friends through DH) . Ok just wanted to clear that point up. And Again yes I FUCKED up ok I was a lot younger and hope am a bit wiser. BUT she was older than me and she thought her DD's blackmail acceptable. She got her £500 but she lost her group of Sunday male friends. OK . As a disinterested observer your comment was a pretty longwinded response. And FYI this was not an AIBU which I started. My mother's response was the best "well she was rude not to invite you as you had invited her to your wedding"

Perhaps you lot are the "other" woman which is why you condemn my stupid behaviour from 1 party

Ermm yes, that'll be it . Oh, wait.....

My response is longwinded? What's your point?

Fab post Carmine.

Candy - if you don't want to be called a lunatic then don't post stories that show you to be one.

Your behaviour was despicable, all because you felt threatened in your relationship, didn't trust your dh, and threw a tantrum over not being incited to her party.

You hardly knew her. What on earth possessed you to think you would be invited, or were 'entitled' to be? I wouldn't expect to be invited to the birthday of one of dh's colleagues.

Carmine I was with DH and Dbinlaw on dancefloor when I said goodbye and BOTH said I did not fucking punch her. I did make the catty comment they confirmed and D binlaw said "camp little half arsed wave" OK enough facts for you. There were plenty of witnesses to my behaviour but many confirmed her twisting manipulative lies afterwards. So you to can sit on your nasty judgy "high horse" . My story was an an analogy in the OP's AIBU many posters put a real life analogy in to illustrate /back up the debate. I did not start the AIBU and was not asking for your approval/disapproval of my actions 20 years ago. I am feeling fucking picked on over this. Yes I behaved badly but her father was a damn site more sinister. And if you think my version is a pack of lies just call me out on it. I have name changed and only just returned to Mnet after a 2year hiatus but am bloody feeling like leaving again. I did not start the AIBU I am just a commentator like others. There is no need for a mass "pileon" , I defend myself against 1 person and then some one else comes in to the "bitch fest" so I do feel attacked at the moment , so fucking thanks for that.

And where DID I SAY that I hardly knew her ???? Twist away to suit your own agenda feel free.

Candy: You're in pain because you love your Mum and I get that. You've done a lot of things that I wouldn't do. You have been so out of order in many ways but I'm guessing you know that.

Your Dad did what he did. It really doesn't matter how or when or for what reason. He was the one who owed loyalty to you Mum. The OW is really irrelevant here, it was his choice and his decision to leave your Mum.

Try not to let it affect your attitude to your DP. If he cheats on you that's because he's treating you like shit and hurting you. It's not because of any other person. You should have a partner that wouldn't want to risk losing you even if a supermodel draped herself naked over him!.

You don't need to be beautiful as that imaginary supermodel (though you may be!) but all that you are should be all that he wants and needs and if you're not, that's HIS problem.

Who wants to be with someone who's just waiting for something different/better and will dive in when it's offered?. Then he's not the one for you xx.

I did not think people used the term lunatic any more do you mean mentally ill perhaps? Yes I have been treated for depression in the past so perhaps the answer to your question is yes :(

Thanks MrsBoldon xxx (a wonderful perspective and much appreciated here)

I have always been invited to my Dhs friends/ acquaintances do's. Even if I don't know them, for example wedding night do, engagement party, 21st....even thigh I don't know these people (though I do after going to the do) I still get the invite, isn't it what most people do. Well in my world it is.

though not thigh

Where did I say you barely knew her? I said from her point of view, maybe she didn't invite partners because she felt she didn't know you as well, since by your own words you say you didn't attend the pub quizzes very often. We only have your own words to go off, after all.

I don't believe you're lying... The truth is bad enough. Your friends confirmed your side, hers confirmed hers. hardly surprising. you were too drunk to remember exactly what you did, so you just concede that it's possible that you're an unreliable narrator. I was just illustrating her point of view.

If you post anything unreasonable on AIBU, you really have to be prepared for people to call you on it, even if it's not the OP. I suspect you need to grow a thicker skin. Or to hide this thread. I do that if I suspect I'm going to get a flaming.

Emerald your behaviour is close bullying now, you clearly do not wish to read my responses and so feel the need to twist everything I have said. Are you enjoying yourself? I am reporting your last post also as I feel you just want to get the barbs in. Hardly in the spirit of Mumsnet forum policies is it? I did not use the word "entitle" perhaps you feel "entitled" to twist another's post to suit your own agenda.( what ever that may be

The topic of this thread was wether hatethecold was being unreasonable not wether candy behaved appropriately.
Until she posts this as an actual question I don't think any of us should be voicing an opinion, especially in such a nasty way as some.

PUB QUIZZES????? You have clearly never read the post you just skimmed FFS DH or I have never been to a fucking Pub Quiz in our lives, where did you get that from? lYou made a lot of WRONG assumptions from that post. I knew the girl for 2years prior to this so was NOT a stranger and had by default included her on many events/outings

candy i did read it - it was apalling behaviour - and it's your appalling behaviour that put your partner in that position. i'd have left you as a crazy liability that couldn't be trusted to act like an adult.

Thanks Lifesalmon, I needed that

That's a bit uncalled for HoneyBadger