to think this woman was rude to invite my husband round for coffee, even though i was stood next to him.

[hatethecold]

I wondered what you would make of this situation.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital and because I knew it wouldn't take long, and it was nice and sunny, I suggested that my husband wait outside.
When I came out, I noticed he was chatting to a woman who I recognised as being a friend of his from years ago.
I went and stood next to them and said hello. They chatted for a few minutes more, husband said 'we have to go now' to which she replied
'It was nice bumping into you, YOU will have to call in for a coffee one day'
This was said to him only and didn't seem to include me

As we were walking away I said jokingly that 'I noticed I wasn't included in the invite!'
He said she probably didn't mean anything by it.

I agree with him, but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.
(I think it was the fact I was stood right next to him when she did it that really riled)

If the tables were turned, as soon as the wife turned up, I would have included her in the conversation AND in the invite for coffee?

Am I being unreasonable to be as annoyed by this as I am?
Have any of you had anything similar happen to you?

Tone of voice and body language can make the difference between a friendly exchange and a flirtation deliberately excluding you. Trust your instincts OP!

If the woman was speaking in code and wanted more than coffee, men do have minds of their own, he would still have to be willing to take further.

Absolutely happy

But you said you did have a streak of possessiveness alis do which one is it? You do or you don't?

I can remember bring 25 and thinking that everybody is trustworthy

Surely Alis can have a streak of possessiveness but at the same time think this scenario wouldn't awaken that possessiveness?

I've struggled with the green-eyed monster in several of my past relationships, partly because a couple of partners cheated on me, but I trust my DP implicitly and wouldn't be remotely upset if one of his old female friends casually invited him for coffee, even if I were standing next to him. In fact, I'd be surprised to be included. I know he wouldn't be upset if I went for coffee with an old male friend either, and tbh, I would think nothing of saying "We must go for coffee" to a male friend in front of his wife without including her, and would be very surprised if she'd been offended. It just wouldn't occur to me that she'd think it rude, if she and I weren't friends - I'd invite him in the same way as I'd invite a female friend in front of her partner.

I wonder, would it have made a difference to the OP if the friend had been male and gay? I don't think the OP is saying she thinks this woman is a threat, or is concerned at her husband would cheat on her, I think her issue is purely with the woman's exclusive invite.

And is "cool wives" shit is really annoying. Do we have to use a derogatory label for a group of people who disagree with us?

Are there really people out there that think having trust in your partner is playing the cool card I never thought of myself as cool, I just thought i was normal. I have lunch everyday with three colleagues, two of which are males, my partner has a female friend who he knew before me who he sees regularly. We trust each other and are together because we want to be. Surely that is just a normal healthy relationship, not pretending to be cool.

My friend is convinced that every woman in the world is after her bloke and won't let him go anywhere on his own.

I know love is blind but honestly, he has a great body but it's topped off with the head of Bruce Forsyth.

What she said is one of those polite conversation enders - like 'we haven't seen each other for years, nice enough to bump into you and chat, we'll now say 'must meet for coffee sometime' but don't of course, actually make a date or arrangement or even check we have each others' numbers' and nothing ever comes of it.

If she starts actually contacting him regularly and issuing invites to him alone then think again. In the meantime it sounds all normal and nothing.

Fairylea she DID fancy my DS's husband and made her feelings bloody clear. She also new one of the other guy's wives better than him as she had met him through the wife etc etc. She did NOT like other women pretty much

This thread is hilarious. I'm single, was completely unaware that coffee is 40 something brazen hussy speak for will you have sex with me......

Just popping to Waitrose to hang suggestively around the coffee aisle.....

@Phaedra I was drunk and am not bonkers. I am sure I am not the only one who has slipped up like this but this woman was needy, spoilt and probably WAS after one of the men.

Haven't read whole thread but I don't think YABU.

I wouldn't dream of inviting someone else's DH for coffee. If this had been me, I would have extended the invite to you both.

I think its quite funny that those who don't have trust in their own relationships pull the 'cool wives' card on those who do have trust. Like some kind of insult . Having trust in your partner is actually a good thing.

I agree dinosaur
And If I thought someone was after my partner for more than coffee I would think she had good taste! I wouldn't be worried because i trust him. i would probably even tease him about it. Oh I'm so cool!

Oh candy that is awful. hope your mum is ok.

I do have trust in my relationship - as much as I can do. I don't think you can ever trust somebody 100%.

How many times do women come on here and say ' my dh has being cheating with a friend, I had no idea?"

I did my fair share of bar work when I was younger and I work in a male dominated work place. The things I've overheard them say would make your toes curl and the ones with wives/gf are just as bad.

Do I think all men are cheats ? No. Do I think women are capable of pursuing a married man? Absolutely.

I'm not possessive, you can't force some one to stay with you if they want to leave/stray but I would say I'm some what suspicious.

When the cool card gets trotted out - it's normally after smug posts

maybe she never liked you all that much?
anyway, now you know not to leave him alone. take him everywhere with you in future.

Well if being a 'cool wife' means having a trusting relationship, then I guess that's what I must be :)

Candy drunk or not, you behaved in a shamefully disgraceful way, and you can't blame the booze, because you set it all up. I don't know what you thought you were going to achieve. All you did was make yourself look a complete pillock.

Honeybadger read what I wrote. This girl lied to her daddy saying I had tried to punch her. And she did have feelings for one of the men in the group. My DH was more embarrassed in the end by her Dad blackmailing him (which BTW was a criminal offence)!!! And way overshadowed my bad behaviour you are bloody quick to jump to your "judgy" conclusions :(

Winewinewine am blocking you because your comment is just arselike.

candy that story makes you sound absolutely appalling

Just what I was going to say WineWineWine, on both comments.