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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend kept dds money and used Tesco vouchers

791 replies

jammyjamjam · 03/09/2014 12:24

Hi, ds had inservice yesterday and a friend (a mum from school) offered to take her, her own dd and 2 others to an amusement park, entry fee was 25 pounds. When ds got back in the afternoon, we chatted about the day and it turns out the mum paid for my dd and the 2 other children with Tesco vouchers, ie, she had redeemed her Tesco points to pay for the 4 dcs and then kept 75 pounds form my dd and the 2 other dc. Surely she could have told us that this place took in Tesco vouchers and I could have used my own points and saved the money? I'm grateful that she took dd but surely she should have been upfront about her intention of using vouchers....AIBU?

OP posts:
slithytove · 05/09/2014 15:34

Bamboo, in that case the same applies to OP's friend. And I suspect the 'transferability' really applies to things like online selling, rather than buying a ticket to send with your kid.

This is semantics which I don't apply.

In my world, and I appreciate many don't agree, the OP should have been given the option. The friend should not have used the vouchers without being upfront. OP could have then told her to save them for a restaurant etc.

Surely all can agree that OP friend used the vouchers because it was for her own benefit ? Otherwise why do it?

slithytove · 05/09/2014 15:35

Child could have presented her own ticket.

whatever5 · 05/09/2014 15:40

Whatever - perhaps I am mean spirited. I think OP's friend was in not being honest. This does not feel right to me, and I would have rather been upfront and paid direct for my DD and her expenses.

What have your feelings regarding OP's friend got to do with it. You just said that had someone been upfront (i.e. honest) with you, you would ask them not to use the vouchers and asked for the cash provided to buy DD's ticket! In other words even if someone is honest you still would prefer it if they didn't transfer vouchers into cash even if it makes no difference to you!

slithytove · 05/09/2014 15:41

Yep!
They can keep their vouchers to use at restaurants etc as people keep saying.

DamnBamboo · 05/09/2014 15:42

No OP friend can't transfer them to OP, but she can pay for other children with them.

OP can't tranfer them to her friend, nor can she give them to her daughter. The person whose name is on it (i.e. OP) in this case - the clubcard holder - is the one who needs to spend them.

That also precludes OPs daughter in this instance this is not hard

If the OP wanted the option to use CC vouchers, then she should have checked.

slithytove · 05/09/2014 15:42

No blurred lines, no confusion that way. I know I've paid for DD's ticket and expenses and all is fair.

slithytove · 05/09/2014 15:43

I find it odd I can't buy an entry ticket somewhere using tesco vouchers and give it to my kid to take to use.

ponders if it would be over invested to clarify this with tesco

whatever5 · 05/09/2014 15:46

They can keep their vouchers to use at restaurants etc as people keep saying.

As I said, I think that is mean spirited, particularly if the friend was doind you a favour. Although the vouchers/gift tokens can be used elsewhere, it is always a pain to remember to use them before they expire.

DamnBamboo · 05/09/2014 15:50

I find it odd I can't buy an entry ticket somewhere using tesco vouchers and give it to my kid to take to use

You kid isn't the clubcard hold Slithy! You are.
If a venue chooses to accept them, fair enough that's their choice - but it does state that they can ask for ID to match the name to the voucher and my SIL was asked at Hever Castle for hers when we went some years ago.

slithytove · 05/09/2014 15:54

No I know the reason bamboo, I just find it odd. Maybe tesco make it possible to add all family members to the clubcard? I know DH and I each have a card with our names on the same account, and I know they have the names of our children for the baby club. Something they could do perhaps

?hatever - I've already accepted you think I'm mean spirited.

pettybetty · 05/09/2014 16:05

This could all be pointless and painful conjecture. The question of whether vouchers were used for all tickets hasn't been answered.

I've asked it twice. If the children are old enough to notice payment methods to comment on it later, the other mum would have hidden the transaction if she was being deliberately sneaky.

DamnBamboo · 05/09/2014 16:07

I didn't actually call you mean spirited!

slithytove · 05/09/2014 16:12

I know bamboo, whatever5 did.

I should really start holding names! You must have thought I was been a stroppy teen, "whatevvverrrr"!! Haha

slithytove · 05/09/2014 16:12

Being not been!

slithytove · 05/09/2014 16:13

Ffs. Bolding not holding names.

I need to learn to type apparently.

whatever5 · 05/09/2014 16:14

She was saying it to me DamnBamboo (I said it would be mean spirited to not let her friend use vouchers for entrance even she had asked in advance especially considering that the friend was doing her a favour).

kittykatsforever · 05/09/2014 16:19

Petty just said exactly what I was still thinking. Op has never had proof her friend used vouchers to pay for it, her daughter saw vouchers being used( doesn't mean that was for all) and when she asked another mum she said and I quote "pulled an awkward face" that's not exactly a yes is it? Awkward face could be my "I don't know" face?!
Fact is op is not going to ask because it would seem petty and mean spirited it is and extremely ungrateful!
She was asked did she want her daughter to go to said park for said amount. This was provided and dd had a great time, it would have cost more for op to take her (2 entry fees) £25 for a great day out when you have day to yourself. Would I mind if she used a voucher to pay no because at the end of the day what does it matter? Unless I chose to look for a cheeper alternative I have no one to blame but me

whatever5 · 05/09/2014 16:26

OP also doesn't know (or is keeping quiet about) how many clubcard vouchers were required to gain entrance.

kittykatsforever · 05/09/2014 16:30

And which theme park as I know for a fact a child at Alton towers is just under £50, £25 would be a buy one get one free price but I also know they accept tesco vouchers
Really either way though it was a nice thing to do to take all the kids out for that kind of day and at £25 I really think no one has been taken advantage of

vrocket · 05/09/2014 16:35

Hi all, just reading this and thinking...
Doesn't using the tesco vouchers make it cheaper in the first place? We have established it cost £25 with the vouchers, but part of me is thinking that if she turned up and paid at the door so to speak it would have been more than £25, I know theme parks are ridiculously expensive, in that case she has already benefited IYSWIM? Or is that not how it works?
Either way OP is BVU for the reasons said above.
OP has also said if she had known she would have only spent her vouchers on her own DD not for the whole group, she is annoyed that she has 'lost out' (she hasn't!) and that her friend should have thought of her (OP) and not herself, but if that be the case why doesn't OP think of her friend and not HERSELF IYSWIM.
Op quite frankly sounds like a bitch.
A grabby bitch at that

DoJo · 05/09/2014 16:37

Why should she look out for me? Isn't that what friends do?

OP - if this is genuinely the problem that you have with this situation, then why not bring it up with her? Knowing that there are a number of people who would not have a problem with what she did, why not 'look out for her' by telling her that what she did could been seen as profiting from her friends. She probably has no idea that you are feeling hard done-by over it, and will end up wondering what she did wrong when you cool the friendship (as you have already said that you will think more negatively of her from now on), so if you want to be the kind of friend that you think she should be then share your thoughts and help her to avoid potentially upsetting other people in the future.

HallowedVera · 05/09/2014 16:44

The friend basically paid a heavily discounted price for the entry and didn't pass that saving onto OP. Instead she made a profit off OP and lied by omission.

That's very mean and shitty IMO.

OP I would say something to her and ask for the difference back if I were you.

vrocket · 05/09/2014 16:47

I also agree with everyone who says you should say something. It doesn't seem very honest to bitch about her behind her back and not say anything. If you can't do that, it would seem you're not really friends, rather 'acquaintances', which makes all the talk of what 'friends' should do for each other irrelevant.

WinifredTheLostDenver · 05/09/2014 16:59

Agree with DoJo.

Lweji · 05/09/2014 17:04

OP has also said if she had known she would have only spent her vouchers on her own DD not for the whole group, she is annoyed that she has 'lost out' (she hasn't!) and that her friend should have thought of her (OP) and not herself, but if that be the case why doesn't OP think of her friend and not HERSELF IYSWIM
quite
And the OP hasn't ever answered if she has ever used her CC points to treat her friends.
I suspect not and she will actually rather use them on herself anyway.