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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am so angry!

314 replies

ItWasNotYourFaultButMine · 02/09/2014 23:47

ok sorry if this is long, but I just need to get this off my chest, and to know if I was being the unreasonable one.

ok so today I went to asda. parked in a normal space as no p&c available. I opened my car door, as wide as it could go, guiding it with my hand and resting it against the car next to me gently, to climb into the back and pull out DD (I only have a 2 door car)

in the middle of this, I hear a very angry woman shout into my car "move your door off my car" - I was about to explain that I hadn't let it hit off her car, but just placed it there instead of opening the door a little bit and chancing a gust of wind coming and slamming it against her car - but I'm a wimp so I just apologised and closed the door and waited for them to pull out of the space.

I was playing with DDs hair, waiting on them leaving, when I heard a massive bang against my car. the passenger had deliberately flung her door open full force and slammed it into my car.

i looked in at her and she just shrugged as if to say "what you gonna do about it?" like i say I'm a wimp, but I got out the car at this point, and checked my car - she has made a massive dent and scratch down the drivers side of the door.

they drove away while I was looking at this and I didn't catch the reg plate.

I just can't stop being angry at this, they deliberately damaged my car, for nothing! but now I'm thinking, should I not have let my car door touch their car? would you have a similar reaction if you seen a car door open and sitting against your car?

OP posts:
girlwithgreeneyes11 · 03/09/2014 18:00

Doesn't matter if they say it was an accident. They would still be liable. Someone accidentally did thd same to my car. I had a witness but it took ages to sort. Think I wouldn't have been happy about 1st bit eithe.

Original poster
ItWasNotYourFaultButMine · 03/09/2014 18:16

So I didn't get a chance to go into Asda today, and I'm now in work, but my mum went in for me as she is watching DD for me. Asda said they do have close circuit CCTV covering the area, as do the shopping centre that is right next to it, so it will more than likely been caught on one of them. However they said that it must be reported to the police first, and thats when the CCTV can be viewed for evidence/reg plate.

I'm thinking its a bit of a fuss over someone slamming their door into mine, but on the other hand I really don't want them to get away with their aggressive behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItWasNotYourFaultButMine · 03/09/2014 18:18

plus I had another good look at the damage and its not just a scratch but its actually lifted the paintwork in a straight line, roughly 2 inches long

OP posts:
girlwithgreeneyes11 · 03/09/2014 18:29

Because touching could still damage it.

Missunreasonable · 03/09/2014 18:45

The CCTV will also show your door against her car and if she has any scratches she could easily say that your car did one of them (even if it didn't).

WhatsMyAgeAgain · 03/09/2014 18:57

YANBU!

What a fucking moron.

And the people who don't want your door touching their precious cars! WTF?!

How many decent 5 door cars are there when you're on a budget?

Grrrr. So angry for you!

sykadelic · 03/09/2014 19:23

100% make a police report. They will be able to tell from the CCTV that you did the nice thing and they were pr*cks.

HesterShaw · 03/09/2014 19:37

Yes but it wasn't deliberate and malicious damage Missunreasonable which is what the woman did back to her.

Tabby1963 · 03/09/2014 20:16

Sigh, so many selfish, entitled and disrespectful posters on this thread.

Message for you: DON'T.'REST'.YOUR.CAR.DOOR.ON.MY.CAR!

....and breathe....

Blu · 03/09/2014 20:22

OP - YANBU.

Even if there is an argument against resting your door harmlessly on another car (and there might be) losing her temper and deliberately causing damage is not an acceptable response.

I hope she damaged her own door in her uncontrolled rage.

And gets caught on CCTV.

CelticPromise · 03/09/2014 20:41

But why not Tabby? It doesn't do any damage. Am I allowed to brush my capacious arse against it as I edge down to my door? May I breathe near it?

I would suggest that people who don't want things to touch their cars follow my above suggestion of keeping it in the garage under a blanket and driving it very gently on a Sunday.

hmc · 03/09/2014 20:51

People with battered old jalopies probably can adopt a carefree insouciance regarding their car and wouldn't mind a door 'resting' on it - I was the same when I had a 'past its best' motor; one more scratch or dent didn't make an iota of difference....

Tabby1963 · 03/09/2014 20:58

Celtic, but it might do damage and that is an unacceptable risk. That is why I would never, ever take that risk with your car. It shows a lack of respect for others' property to believe that it is acceptable to take that risk.

Other posters have made the point that if drivers need a large space to open their doors, and parent and child spaces are not an option, they must search for another viable option.

It is eighteen-odd years since I used baby/toddler seats and I remember trawling car parks to find a suitable spot (and they were never anywhere near the shops). I would not have considered risking damaging a neighbouring car door (or my own car for that matter).

It is a real disappointment (but also a real eye-opener) to read that some posters think it is ok to risk scratching someone else's car. To be honest, I can't get my head round it.

Comito · 03/09/2014 21:16

But Celtic, everyone who owns a car knows that it will get stonechips or the odd bit of damage when they're driving it and most people accept that. No-one expects their car to remain pristine. This is about other people doing stuff that can easily cause damage to someone else's possession while thinking it's fine and the car owner is just being precious.

Like Tabby, I don't really get why some people on this thread think it's OK because 'it's just a car'. Some of us love our cars. Some of us have spent a lot of money on them (whether you agree with that or not), and some of us get a bit pissed off when we see people doing careless things which damage them which ultimately the owner will pay for, either by having to pay to fix the damage or lower resale value.

Nydj · 03/09/2014 21:29

hmc for the first time in my life we bought a brand new car a few years ago (all previous cars had, indeed been old bangers) and even then, no way would I have been upset and someone gently resting their car door against our lovely shiney new car.

I would have been very annoyed in someone had deliberately banged their car door against the body of any of our cars - old bangers or new - because that is just aggression for the sake of it.

WhatsMyAgeAgain · 03/09/2014 21:36

How on earth can a car door damage anything by simply touching it?

I really don't get it? I have a rudimentary understanding of physics and forces, of chemistry and density of metals.

Are you not allowed to touch your car with your fingers for fear of denting it?

Seriously confused here.

WhatsMyAgeAgain · 03/09/2014 21:39

And wouldn't the lady slamming her door into your car have damaged the paintwork on her door or been more of a damage risk to her own car?

Where is the logic?

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 03/09/2014 21:43

But the OP was doing her best! I accidentally bumped my car door into another car last week, although luckily it didn't leave a mark. Last space in the car park, and I was trying to get a 7 week old baby out of his rear-facing car seat so I could put him in the sling, without letting his head flop. It's a 3 door car and I had opened the door and very carefully made sure it was stationary a good few inches away from the car next to me before climbing in to get DS. I got DS out, attempted to back out of the car and promptly butted the door into the neighbouring car. Blush If I'd done what the OP did it wouldn't have happened. I was lucky that it didn't leave a mark - it was loud enough to make a man 50 yards away jump and glare at me.

Comito · 03/09/2014 21:59

You rest a metal object (door) painted with relatively soft paint against another metal object painted with relatively soft paint (wing). Paint is not armour. Depending on how gently you 'rest' that door against the other painted metal object, there may or may not be tiny dents or scratches on the wing.

Some of us have very old cars with a lot of dents and we might not give a toss when another person opens a door and dents or scratches our car. Meanwhile, some of us own a nice car with no dents or scratches and want to keep it that way so we're careful with it. So we don't have to pay £££ to fix it, especially if it's a leased car. So the rational approach would be to not 'rest' your door against another person's car rather than decide on their behalf that they shouldn't have a problem with it because you think it's precious or weird.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 03/09/2014 22:04

If my car is parked so close that contact is likely when getting the Baby out (and with children who are sometimes more enthusiastic when getting out than necessary) I place an unused disposable nappy between my car door and the other car to cushion any impact. I still make sure no pressure is applied, but, by doing so, I hope to avoid dents.

CelticPromise · 03/09/2014 22:06

We are not talking about people bashing their car doors about without a care, but people trying to minimise the risk of damage while they get things/people in and out. If that is an unacceptable risk never park in a car park!

Comito · 03/09/2014 22:07

TooExtra The bang was loud enough to make a guy 50 yards away jump, yet you did no damage? Are you sure? I'm sorry, but 'I was doing my best! I have DC!' wouldn't cut it if I came back and found a dent in my door.

Comito · 03/09/2014 22:13

Celtic, just to be clear, resting one's door against the car next to it is not the same as bashing it but just as likely to cause damage.

I'm actually astonished at how many MNers appear to be fine with either damaging or potentially damaging the car next to them and dismissing it as 'fine because I have DC' or 'because it's only a car'.

naty1 · 03/09/2014 22:52

We have not rested the car door and have a 2 yr old.
If i couldnt get car seat out i would leave it and carry baby, to trolly.

I think though a 3 door could be difficult to get a child out of.
But then i would never buy a 3 door. Cant see any benefit to them at all.
My dads 1 has ridiculous long doirs he only noticed after buying and they are wide too so difficult just to get yourself out.

Wondering if the resting will be getting more common with all the obesity :)

Pugaboo · 03/09/2014 23:08

I love my car, it's quite new and lovely. But I accept that cars do get bumps and scratches and marks occasionally what with traveling 70mph and all.

There are more important things to worry about than a few tiny accidental scratches.

OP YANBU.