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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I am so angry!

314 replies

ItWasNotYourFaultButMine · 02/09/2014 23:47

ok sorry if this is long, but I just need to get this off my chest, and to know if I was being the unreasonable one.

ok so today I went to asda. parked in a normal space as no p&c available. I opened my car door, as wide as it could go, guiding it with my hand and resting it against the car next to me gently, to climb into the back and pull out DD (I only have a 2 door car)

in the middle of this, I hear a very angry woman shout into my car "move your door off my car" - I was about to explain that I hadn't let it hit off her car, but just placed it there instead of opening the door a little bit and chancing a gust of wind coming and slamming it against her car - but I'm a wimp so I just apologised and closed the door and waited for them to pull out of the space.

I was playing with DDs hair, waiting on them leaving, when I heard a massive bang against my car. the passenger had deliberately flung her door open full force and slammed it into my car.

i looked in at her and she just shrugged as if to say "what you gonna do about it?" like i say I'm a wimp, but I got out the car at this point, and checked my car - she has made a massive dent and scratch down the drivers side of the door.

they drove away while I was looking at this and I didn't catch the reg plate.

I just can't stop being angry at this, they deliberately damaged my car, for nothing! but now I'm thinking, should I not have let my car door touch their car? would you have a similar reaction if you seen a car door open and sitting against your car?

OP posts:

SistersOfPercy · 04/09/2014 15:36

Fairy, lets not turn this into a 'who can out disable the other' thread eh? And yes, you made assumptions, you said:

Well, luckily for you, you can walk that far

Without knowing a thing about me.

Tabby1963 · 04/09/2014 15:41

Interesting comment re car sizes. I have a 4x4 And it does look enormous. however, I looked up its dimensions and those of my previous saloon. I was surprised to see that it is shorter in length than my previous car and just two cm wider but a lot taller. I guess that's why it looks so big. The new 2014 4x4 model is smaller than my 8 year old one, so it seems that modern cars are reducing in size. I think it's because of fuel costs and wanting to improve mpg per litre.

MyFairyKing · 04/09/2014 15:42

Christ on a bike;yYou already had said that you just park somewhere else which is all around, the best option for everyone's car paintwork. I was saying that not everyone can park somewhere else and explained why. Is that so difficult to comprehend?

SistersOfPercy · 04/09/2014 15:46

You are getting rather het up over this Fairy. I get it, you can't walk that far. I struggle to walk that far some days. Ok?

Tabby, it is a revelation isn't it? DH didn't believe me when I told him his car was actually the same size (though admittedly it's taller) and MIL won't have it at all.

MyFairyKing · 04/09/2014 15:48

Let het up than you are over your car.

SistersOfPercy · 04/09/2014 15:51

Exceptionally mature Fairy.

Beeyump · 04/09/2014 15:54

Patronising, Sisters.

SistersOfPercy · 04/09/2014 15:57

Probably so bee, but I'm no more het up over this than anyone else on this thread who'd take exception to having a door opened onto my car.

If Fairy wants to drag this down to petty squabbles she's going to be sadly disappointed because it's not happening.

sisterofmercy · 04/09/2014 16:09

Even if the OP had been thoughtless and accidentally damaged the original car I don't think it warranted the aggression and malicious (and possibly criminal) damage done to her in return. The other woman should have swapped insurance details or something. As there was no damage caused by the OP it is even worse. I'd have been shaking for days if it happened to me.

HesterShaw · 04/09/2014 16:13

Still going? When really all that needed to be said was "Yes the woman was a psycho, report her to the police."

MyFairyKing · 04/09/2014 16:15

I do a lot of driving and thus, a lot of parking. I have to say, that my car has experience far more damage from grit and damage from motorways than ever on someone 'opening their door' onto mine.

MyFairyKing · 04/09/2014 16:15

I'm not sure where the extra "and damage" came from.

BathshebaBabbling · 04/09/2014 16:30

Wow a bunfight about parking.

Who could have predicted that?

ephemeralfairy · 04/09/2014 16:45

Wow, I've only read the first few pages but this makes me so glad I don't drive!! Seems to cause nowt but trouble. Why ARE people so precious about cars? I don't mean you OP, I mean all the people going 'if your car door touched mine I'd be furious/livid/apoplectic etc etc'. I took a picture of a cute squirrel on the kerb once and a guy leaned out of his window and shouted 'what the FUCK are you doing taking pictures of my car??' Madness.

Mind you, some of the fights about seats on trains are just as crazy. I suppose the lesson to be learned is that there are twats everywhere, in cars, on trains and on bikes....OOH we haven't had a good cyclist-bashing thread for a while....

CelticPromise · 04/09/2014 16:52

See now I think it is arrogant to expect people to crush their fingers, or carry disposable nappies, or whatever other things people have suggested, rather than accept the non existent very very minimal risk of damage from people gently placing a car door against your precious car. If they were on your drive fair enough, but not in a public car park.

FraidyCat · 04/09/2014 20:00

There's nothing wrong with resting your door against someone else's car, as long as you're happy for that owner to treat you as a cunt who is trying to inflict several hundred pounds worth of damage to their car. You may believe it won't, but as it's their car, it's what they believe that matters.

When people say it's sometimes "necessary" what they mean is that they don't care enough not to do it. I've been driving for 30 years and never touched another car with my door. Plenty of people up-thread have said the same. The difference between us and the people who think it's necessary is that we give more of a fuck.

When a space is to narrow for me to get out without touching, I go to a different space. If there's no other space, that doesn't mean it's OK to use the space where I will potentially damage someone else's car.

When my door has to open as wide as possibly, I use my hand as an insulator to prevent metal touching metal.

When a child is getting out, I hold their door.

If people are so big and clumsy that that they can't get out without the drivers door touching another car, then they are heavy enough that their car door is going to rise up when their weight comes off the suspension. So it's not just touching metal on metal, it's rubbing.

Surfsup1 · 05/09/2014 01:30

Stone chips - unavoidable
Door bangs - Avoidable

True, but surely resting the door carefully is the way to avoid door bangs? Door bangs do damage. Resting does not do damage.

trixymalixy · 05/09/2014 09:25

Resting doors CAN do damage. The person gets in or out , the height of the car changes with the change in weight and the resting door scrapes up or down the car door it's resting against.

I caught someone doing this to my car so I know it can happen. They claimed the mark had been there before. I know for a fact it hadn't as it was a company lease car that was going back soon and we were totally paranoid about being stung for dings and scratches when it went back.

I take it that those of you that have no problem with it have never had a lease car?

It's NOT ok to rest your car door on another. Please put your fingers or something else in between the car doors.

MyFairyKing · 05/09/2014 09:42

Fraidy Have you never been parked in a perfect space and then had some utter twat park next to you so close than even climbing through another door wouldn't help? This has happened to me approx 3 or 4 times (and on one of those occasions, the utter twat had damaged my car in the process of 'parking') and I've only been driving 9 years. That is the only time I would rest my door against another person's car.

MyFairyKing · 05/09/2014 09:47

"Please put your fingers or something else in between the car doors."

There are some people who are so precious about their cars that if someone touched their car, they'd be furious.

Earlier this year, someone hit my car, damaged it badly and fucked off without leaving a note. When I had the lease car, someone else scratched the door of that car and....yes, fucked off without leaving a note. So, yes I do know how frustrating it is when these things happen but in tiny car parks, I expect the odd scratch and bump. I would never purposefully inflict damage upon a car of course, I just don't feel the rage when I get a scratch or someone touches my car. I get the rage about other things though!

treaclesoda · 05/09/2014 10:01

using your hand as a buffer, well, there are cases where that would be worse than the door. Hand covered in gigantic rings? I'd rather take my chances with the door than someone's hand.

Also, I've just looked out my window at the cars parked in my street. They all have that buffer thing up the side of the doors, about two thirds of the way down, to protect it against a door being opened into it. They're mostly Fords, Vauxhalls, VW s etc. Do the more expensive makes not have that?

treaclesoda · 05/09/2014 10:02

that's a genuine question btw, I'm not being arsey. I couldn't see any Mercs or Audis when I looked out, so I couldn't compare.

trixymalixy · 05/09/2014 10:06

Oh use some common sense FFS. I've just looked out my window at a vauxhall Astra , a fiat 500, an Audi and a VW. None seem to have the rubber buffer anymore. I wonder why they stopped putting them on? Aesthetics?

treaclesoda · 05/09/2014 10:06

actually, I've just looked out my upstairs window and seen an Audi and actually it doesn't appear to have the buffer strip thing. Maybe that explains it? I don't care about someone resting their door against mine, even though I have a rather pristine well looked after car, because the buffer thing means that it doesn't actually touch my paintwork.

Maybe I'd feel differently if that wee protector thing wasn't there?

treaclesoda · 05/09/2014 10:08

was that at me? to use some common sense? I was only asking a question.

The cars I can see don't have a rubber buffer strip, they have a colour coordinated one.

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