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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am so angry!

314 replies

ItWasNotYourFaultButMine · 02/09/2014 23:47

ok sorry if this is long, but I just need to get this off my chest, and to know if I was being the unreasonable one.

ok so today I went to asda. parked in a normal space as no p&c available. I opened my car door, as wide as it could go, guiding it with my hand and resting it against the car next to me gently, to climb into the back and pull out DD (I only have a 2 door car)

in the middle of this, I hear a very angry woman shout into my car "move your door off my car" - I was about to explain that I hadn't let it hit off her car, but just placed it there instead of opening the door a little bit and chancing a gust of wind coming and slamming it against her car - but I'm a wimp so I just apologised and closed the door and waited for them to pull out of the space.

I was playing with DDs hair, waiting on them leaving, when I heard a massive bang against my car. the passenger had deliberately flung her door open full force and slammed it into my car.

i looked in at her and she just shrugged as if to say "what you gonna do about it?" like i say I'm a wimp, but I got out the car at this point, and checked my car - she has made a massive dent and scratch down the drivers side of the door.

they drove away while I was looking at this and I didn't catch the reg plate.

I just can't stop being angry at this, they deliberately damaged my car, for nothing! but now I'm thinking, should I not have let my car door touch their car? would you have a similar reaction if you seen a car door open and sitting against your car?

OP posts:
mimishimmi · 03/09/2014 09:34

"they could try and tuck you up for existing marks."

Definitely a few years ago there was a note under our windscreen claming that we had backed into their car and causedxyz amount of damages, that they had my details and they wanted me to call them immediately to sort out insurance . Although I knew I had done no such thing ( and took photos of neighbour's car which was parked behind mine and had no damage) I was really worried about it until I found out half the neighbourhood had received such a note on their windscreen Grin

honeysucklejasmine · 03/09/2014 09:36

Do any of the "no touchy" brigade ever do the asshole thing where you park across two spaces, so no other pleb cars can touch you? That seems to be the fucking selfish trick around here. DH and I call them "asshole spaces".

dollius · 03/09/2014 09:38

I would be very unhappy if someone rested their car door against time and it can and does scratch the paintwork.

god, how do you react when something really bad happens?

FFS, some people just have such tiny little lives, don't they?

I couldn't give a fuck if someone touches my car. Because I have a fucking life.

JustAShopGirl · 03/09/2014 09:38

the op stated she "climbed into the back" of her 2 door car to get her child out - it would move.

LittleBearPad · 03/09/2014 09:39

Why on earth would I put any weight in the car when I lean into undo my daughters straps. My back is perfectly capable of supporting my weight as I lean over.

And when I get out I'm perfectly capable of doing so without opening the car door fully.

Plus my car doors aren't painted, they're coloured plastic. As most modern car doors are. They really don't scratch very easily at all.

ohdearitshappeningtome · 03/09/2014 09:46

In actually surprised nobody has told the op to buy a 5 door car so prevent such incidents!

Car touching happens! How many times does it happen and u don't actually know and will never know and no damage has been done!!!

MokunMokun · 03/09/2014 09:47

Our car doors are a weird design and have a kind if pointed bit in the middle. One day my son flung his car door open and it made a dent in our neighbour's car at the pointed bit so I'm super-careful to not touch doors.I don't think being careful not to touch doors makes me an arsehole tough.

Who knew this was such a contentious issue?

OP, I suspect there isn't much you can do about it but I believe in karma and rude, nasty people like that usually get what's coming to them.

notfromstepford · 03/09/2014 09:57

I would be pissed off to be honest that you were resting your car door against my car - there really isn't any need for it so for that YABU.

The other driver - totally uncalled for and complete over reaction. It's criminal damage whichever way you look at it so to be mad about that YANBU. I'd get the CCTV and report.

Missunreasonable · 03/09/2014 10:01

I have had my cars damaged in the last by people opening their doors into my car. For that reason I am precious about people opening their doors into the side of my car. Cars are expensive and damage is expensive to put right. If I had an old banger I wouldn't be bothered but when I have a newish car I dont want scratches or supermarket dinks down the doors.

I don't understand why somebody would buy a three door car when you have a car seat to get in and out. If there isn't enough space to get access to the rear seat without resting your door on the neighbouring car then how do you lift out the bulky car seat without rubbing it against the neighbouring car?

Missunreasonable · 03/09/2014 10:02

In actually surprised nobody has told the op to buy a 5 door car so prevent such incidents!

I just did, because I think it makes sense. Three door cars and child seats are not the best combination.

merrymouse · 03/09/2014 10:04

I think my paintwork is more likely to be damaged by a random stone being thrown up in a gravel car park or a person or animal leaning on it or somebody loading stuff onto the roof.

My Car has a purpose - carrying things and getting from a to b.

I don't want it to get damaged unnecessarily, but the kind of damage it would get from a touching car door is minimal compared to the rest of the wear and tear. Given that my local car park is small, people often park badly, is well used by students at the local sixth form college who are in often in a world of their own, and Had plenty of vans and 4x4's I assume this happens all the time but I can't see any damage.

In a car park you are also going to get people's zips, belts, buttons, bags and jewellery touching your car as they walk between spaces.

HeartOfADog · 03/09/2014 10:08

Wow, mumsnet at its best Hmm

if people are so concerned with anyone or thing touching their car, it is quite a big risk for them to park it in a supermarket car park.

For the record, I have a 3 door car which is really difficult to get my baby in and out of. It is ancient and was given to me by my mum instead of being scrapped. Can't afford to buy a new 5 seater, not just trying to be difficult as some posters seem to think

AnnieLobeseder · 03/09/2014 10:11

dollius - it is actually possible to have a life and not want someone scratching your car door, you know. Hmm

honeysucklejasmine - why on earth would I park over two spaces? If, like I said, I take due care and consideration not to let my car door touch other people's, to the point of painfully crushed fingers when the gap is really small, why would my consideration for others suddenly fly out of the window with me parking like an arse? Confused

I'm frankly astounded that so many of you think it's okay to risk damaging someone else's property. And even more astounded that you think those of us who take great care not to and expect the same of other are the arseholes.

Gruntfuttock · 03/09/2014 10:15

treaclesoda "I have a friend who was punched to the ground and knocked unconscious for 'walking too close' to another person's car once"

Shock That's appalling! Were there witnesses? Was the person who punched your friend arrested?

Missunreasonable · 03/09/2014 10:24

I'm assuming that those who don't care about scratches on their cars either drive old bangers or plan to keep their cars for many many years.
I'm assuming that because scratches and damage devalue cars. When you go to part exchange or sell your car an inspection is done where any scratches and damage is noted down and will possibly result in a lower valuation than if the car didn't have scratches from careless people.
My current car is leased and will be inspected when I return it at the end of the lease period and I will have to pay for any damage. So my apparent arsiness is due to the fact that I don't want additional expense due to careless people. Obviously I anticipate that the car will pick up some scratches and dinks over three years, it would be unrealistic to think otherwise, but I still think it's unacceptable to think its okay to just casually rest your door on somebody else's.

GobblersKnob · 03/09/2014 10:28

Christ I am SUPER careful about not touching other cars when opening doors in car parks, but sometimes the space in between is so small that it is unavoidable.

Those of you who are so precious about your cars should leave them in the garage and get the bus.

treaclesoda · 03/09/2014 10:29

Grunt , yes, there was a court case, it was all caught on CCTV and the perpetrator was prosecuted and convicted. And that was indeed his statement to police, that my friend had walked too close to his car, and how bloody dare they, etc. Shock

treaclesoda · 03/09/2014 10:31

Missunreasonable I am very careful with my car, don't want any scratches on it and take very good care of it. Its the most expensive thing I own. But that is precisely why I would much prefer someone to rest their car door against mine than to let the wind blow it into mine with force.

RiverTam · 03/09/2014 10:32

I don't understand why somebody would buy a three door car when you have a car seat to get in and out

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!!!

What a stupid comment. We had the 3-door car before DD was born and guess what? We couldn't afford to just go out and buy a 5 door car! Crazy, isn't it!!! Jesus Hmm.

Miss - yep, my car is 12 years old and counting (I bought it new, when I had the money to do such things, though it was very cheap for a new car even then as it has zero mod cons), under 45,000 on the clock.

I don't think anyone on here is actually advocating resting car doors on another car, but as many of us have pointed out, in many cars, with the best will in the world, it's unavoidable. Of course, if there were a few more P&C spaces, or people who didn't have DC didn't use the existing P&C spaces, then this wouldn't be much of an issue. But if course MN would hate that, wouldn't it? More P&C, to be used by parents with small children??? Bloody outrageous.

TeamScotland · 03/09/2014 10:32

I hold the door firmly when my kids are getting in and out so that it doesn't touch the next car, ever.

Those rubber things on car doors to prevent damage seem to be a thing of the past.

RiverTam · 03/09/2014 10:33

sorry, that should have said 'in many car parks'.

RiverTam · 03/09/2014 10:34

Team - I asked this upthread but no-one answered - how to you hold the door if your DC aren't able to get themselves in/out with some assistance (eg too young)? Still dying to know this.

AnnieLobeseder · 03/09/2014 10:37

River - I would wedge an item of clothing in the gap instead. I would never, ever deliberately let my car door touch another person's car without some kind of soft buffer.

merrymouse · 03/09/2014 10:38

Agree Gobblers. It isn't a case of people saying it is fine to
fling your door open in a carefree manner without regard to other people. It's just that sometimes it is unavoidable. In the unlikely event that you cause damage, as with any other incident, you should leave a note on the person's windscreen and pay for it.

People have cars because they need to use them. Suggesting they go out and buy a 5 door car or never use tight spaces is just not realistic.

Missunreasonable · 03/09/2014 10:39

What a stupid comment

Why is it such a stupid comment? You buy a car that meets current needs. I loved my very first little car but when DS came along and needed a wheelchair it became obvious that I needed a different car because my little car was no longer suitable. Of course I could have just put the wheelchair on the backseat and scratched everyone else's car when getting the wheelchair out if I couldn't find an accessible space. Instead I decided that the logical thing to do was to buy a car that met my needs at that time.
Kids change things and change what you need. If you get public transport regularly and you have a coach pram you probably need a new pram.
If you have a 3 door car and need to get baby seats out you would be better having a 5 door car because you are not always going to find a parent and child space.
If you have 5 kids and have a 5 seater car you probably need to get a bigger car.
I don't see why any of those things are stupid. Just practical in my opinion.