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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Parents. Don't take secondary kids INTO school buildings on the first day

195 replies

lordnoobson · 02/09/2014 17:17

They'll be fine. Really. Car park tops. Or even (gasp) Hmm let them go alone.

OP posts:
hashtagwhatever · 02/09/2014 18:01

I think I will take dd to her first day (if she wants me to)

why not? Its a big change for them.

NCISaddict · 02/09/2014 18:03

You'll be surprised Nomore I thought my DS1 would struggle but a couple of dry runs over the summer and he swanned in happily taking the train and a 15 minute walk from the station.
Even DS2 who has ASD managed it when he was just 14, the only reason we didn't get him to do it at 11 was that the nearest station was 2 miles from the school along roads with no pavements. When he was 14 the school started a coach service from the station.

APMom · 02/09/2014 18:13

My eldest is nearly 22 and no parents went near the school, just dumped out of car in the morning and collected after (no bus route nearby) and I'm now on the fourth girl in the school. 2 years ago parents started carrying bags in and collecting the teens outside the doors, my girls think it's so funny and the kids are all so mollycoddled now.
I have had to bring dd aged 14 in since she went back last week as she is suffering badly with anxiety and is getting her official diagnosis of autism tomorrow - she started back on a reduced timetable after refusing to go the first two days.

afterthought · 02/09/2014 18:17

Oakmaiden - that's different. I had a mum bring her year 11 daughter in today to look at the classroom so she knows what to expect when she starts (I didn't like to say on the phone that I'd not stepped foot in the place for 6 weeks so nothing was likely to have changed ... ). Anything that makes the first day easier when there are SN involved is fine by me!

At my previous school, SLT used to stand on the gate refusing to let parents in (in terms of safeguarding I think it is an issue to have loads of parents on site). The parents weren't happy but you could tell the kids were thinking 'thank you'.

PunkrockerGirl · 02/09/2014 18:17

Shodan Grin

My dc would have been mortified if I'd accompanied them on the first day of secondary school, let alone gone into the form room with them.

When I started secondary school many years ago, I had a 20 minute walk to the station, 20 minute train journey, then a 10 minute bus journey or half hour walk to school. I did the journey with my mum once during the week before term started, then just got on with it.

Nomorefilm · 02/09/2014 18:19

They did think that my DS was autistic when he was in nursery and they decided if anything he was borderline and fully functioning but as he is getting older I'm noticing a bigger gap forming between him and his classmates. I want him to be able to get himself to and from high school without my support so I will need to do a lot of work on this...

HappyAgainOneDay · 02/09/2014 18:21

My secondary school (grammar) was two long bus rides away so we left home at 7.15am on the first day. It was in the days when London buses had a row of three seats facing another row of three seats. I noticed a girl (in the new school uniform) and her mother on the three-seat opposite us. We smiled at each other. Our mothers left us at the school gate and did not collect us. From then on, we went to school together.

Children these days are babied. They have two legs so why don't they know how to use them?

60 years later, I am still in close touch with the girl on the bus.

HappyAgainOneDay · 02/09/2014 18:21

.

ChickenMe · 02/09/2014 18:22

I walked 30 min to secondary. No way would I drop a secondary aged kid off they can walk or get bus.

lordnoobson · 02/09/2014 18:25

when do kids get to have a laugh and behave like kids if they cant get to school alone. I had some of my funniest times walking to school. We used to hoot!

OP posts:
Flappingandflying · 02/09/2014 18:29

We had to ban a mother once from the library. Quite an open school site and she would walk him round to the library and stay there till the bell went! She had to be escorted off the premisis and couldn't understand why this wasn't good for her year 7 son. We also had a little (very very small) year 7 who, to be fair, was the size of an 8 year old but things had been put in place for him because being faced with massive year 11s is a bit daunting. He refused to go to assembly and had to be chased round the school to make sure he went. Then we had the parent arriving in Reception because while absconding he'd phoned dad and said he didn't like school and could he go home now. He'd been there for an hour. He then proceeded to be A Very Naughty Child for the rest of the year, baiting the older kids and then running away.

MammaTJ · 02/09/2014 18:31

Was it ok for me to take my DD2 in to school? She was 9 a couple of weeks ago.

She will be walking herself from the first school from now on though. She did come and meet me there after school today. It is along the road.

MammaTJ · 02/09/2014 18:32

Meant to say, it was DDs first day of Middle School.

BirdhouseInYourSoul · 02/09/2014 18:34

My neighbour thinks I'm evil for making DD walk to school by herself most days. Yes there is a bus but honestly, it's a 20 minute walk not a marathon!

Her PFB gets the bus or a lift and mocks DD for being too poor an having to walk.

These are year 9 girls. They are perfectly capable.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 02/09/2014 18:44

The dd's primary school doesn't let the parents into the cloakrooms from yr1. It's a good idea I think. 30 kids + 30 adults shoehorned into a tiny space makes for mayhem.

Birdhouse I totally agree. And I only wish that the secondary school that dd1 will possibly attend was a 20 minute walk away cos she'd deffo be walking there and back.

AugustaGloop · 02/09/2014 18:56

My DD's new secondary school (at which she starts later this week) is just a few minutes away from my office so we would naturally be travelling on the same bus route, and my normal time of leaving the house is around the same time DD will need to leave for school. From the bus stop at the school/bus end, about half of the 7 min walk is the same. We have not yet had the debate about whether we will be allowed to get the same bus or walk part of the way from the bus stop together. One of our neighbours is in the year above and her dad works very near me. Apparently if he is leaving home around the same time he is made to stay downstairs on the bus and she goes upstairs. If DD insists we travel at separate times, she is the one who will be made to leave home early. I am not giving up 5 minutes of sleep!

spanieleyes · 02/09/2014 19:32

We had a parent who, despite living next door to the school (literally!) accompanied her son to the school door even through year 6. When he moved on to secondary school we heaved a sigh of relief and thought he would relish the chance of some independence, Mum put the house up for sale and moved in straight opposite the secondary school!!

TheBogQueen · 02/09/2014 19:36

Well 30 years ago my mother accompanied me on my first day at my rather hard secondary school. It did have 2000+ pupils though.
All parents waited in the playground though - I don't think anyone attempted to accompany their child into the classroom!

abigamarone · 02/09/2014 19:36

The threat of me taking him to the door when he goes back has been enough to keep him in check for the last six weeks!

Boaty · 02/09/2014 19:39

spaniel I know of a DM who intended to sell up when DD went to university and move to wherever her DD went to. Her DH put a stop to that plan.Grin The DD is still very 'young' for her age..she qualifies as a doctor next year. Shock

BackforGood · 02/09/2014 19:39
Shock

Find it hard to believe any parent would do something so mortifying.

Can't actually see the need to go in to the classroom after playgroup, tbh.
In Reception, we said bye in the playground and they toddled off with the teacher.

But the very idea of taking them up to big school - oh, the shame Grin

JustAShopGirl · 02/09/2014 19:41

We drop the girls off in the morning on the way to work - it is on the route so costs nothing, and they get the bus home - makes a difference of £30 a week...

£30 a week x 38 weeks is over a THOUSAND pounds in a year... we will keep dropping off in the morning and have a nice holiday Grin

PiperRose · 02/09/2014 19:43

Ok, little horror story for you. My secondary school was in a city 20 miles from where I lived, my journey included a train and a bus. On the first day my mum dropped me off at the school gates. On the second day I somehow got on the wrong bus and ended up at then other side of the city. I was rescued whilst crying at a bus stop by some lovely woman who put me on the right bus and gave me a pound for extra bus fare.

I still wouldn't have my parents take me though!

PureMorning · 02/09/2014 19:48

Dh dropped ds off today as it was the first day.

Dh was ordered not to pull up near the school,wave or in any way acknowledge ds.

Id of made the cheeky bugger walk

Dwerf · 02/09/2014 19:52

I walked mine up to high school today for her first day. To be fair, I needed to buy her tie from the office and collect a form (which they didn't have anyway). There were loads of parents there. Partly because the older years didn't start until after dinnertime and I'm still a little uneasy at my just turned 11 year old walking for 40 minutes on her own. Tomorrow I'm just booting her and her older sister out of the door. Today was my last school run. Ever!

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