Parents. Don't take secondary kids INTO school buildings on the first day

[lordnoobson]

They'll be fine. Really. Car park tops. Or even (gasp) let them go alone.

[BackforGood]

Excellent post TheOriginal

[HavanaSlife]

Ive just talked exdh out of meeting ds2 before school tomorrow, I dont think it would embarrass him but hes meeting his friends. Thats all part of the excitement, meeting friends walking to school with them on the first day, chatting etc

[YouTheCat]

Parents are supposed to be an embarrassment to their children. I'm pretty sure it's the law or something

Tbh mine was never bothered. She's quite happy, at 19, to be seen out with me. I'd never have walked her to secondary though (wasn't able due to ds with additional needs anyway). She wanted to meet her friends and talk about whatever the hell teens talk about to each other.

[Bogeyface]

You know people say "Cats dont have owners, they have staff?" that also holds true for 12 ish + year olds until they hit about 17!

They think they are grown up now, the most common phrases during that period are "I am not a kid anymore!!" or "Stop treating me like a child!!". We barely tolerated because we have the money, sad but true.

Thankfully they grow out of it within a few years (!) and only a very few are really vile with it.

[Bogeyface]

We are barely tolerated....

[coldwater1]

My daughter started high school today and although i tried to encourage her to go alone she begged me to go with her on her first day, so i did. I left her at the school gate.

[OvertiredandConfused]

DS started secondary school today. At the new parents' meeting it was explained that they expected most parents would want to go into the school grounds on the first morning, maybe take a photo for future embarrassment, check they'd met up with friends and leave them to walk in.

From tomorrow onwards, parents are banned from the school grounds.

Worked fine. Kids all in the same position so minimal embarrassment. Parents understand ground rules. Delighted to be off school runs!

[capsium]

TheOriginalSteamingNit

and the majority of parents should back off and let them!

Should the majority though? If so many are doing this, perhaps a good proportion of 11 year olds are not as confident as you think?

As a parent I want my child to be confident and independent and am the first to encourage this, but I do have to take a view as to what my DC, as an individual will cope with.

Yes, there have been some SENs but, as I said earlier, perhaps SNs would not be such an issue if other people were more tolerant and flexible in their outlook.

And it does seem this need is not that uncommon, so not that special.

In fact if it is a trend that children are becoming less independent than previous decades, I am not surprised. Benign neglect was certainly a feature of my own 1979s childhood. However parenting now is such a hot topic, how parents can support their child's education, and provide a balance of challenging, enriching and stimulating leisure activities to boot, that it is not surprising some parents might err on the overprotective side of things.

[BigBoobiedBertha]

I took DS1 into secondary school when he started, 3 yrs ago. He has SEN and we had an major issue with his timetable which we had already received in the post. However, we weren't the only parents in the hall by a long stretch and nobody batted an eyelid. I don't suppose the school would have allowed them any further than the hall but I didn't try it so I have no idea at what point we would have got kicked out.

I think a lot of you are being a bit harsh - does it really matter? The kids didn't seem that bothered. These children need to grow a back bone if the worst thing that is going to happen to them at secondary school is that they might have to appear in the same room as their parents for a few minutes on their first because really it is no big deal. There aren't hordes of parents going in every other day of the year. On the first day it is a bit of a one off - they have the rest of the day with their peers and the following 5 years. Five minutes on the first day is not worth being so horrified about as some of you are.

[Pixel]

My parents never accompanied me on my first day, they'd both gone to work by the time I left, BUT I had my best friend from juniors to go with. Dd was one of only three to go from her primary to her secondary and she was the only girl so was very apprehensive. Also she'd never walked to school on her own before because her primary was too far away and the bus service was rubbish so she would have never got there on time. I walked part way with her the first couple of days as she was stressing about the route and left her when the final corner was in sight so she could do the last bit on her own. She'd have been happy enough for me to walk her to school forever I think!

[LynetteScavo]

My parents didn't accompany me on my first day at middle school. I was 8yo. School was 1 mile away. I called for a friend who lived nearby and her dad dropped us off in his VW Beetle (the original kind). He didn't get out of the car, just pulled over at the curb.

It was only when I saw parents on the playground clutching their DC that I wanted my DM to drop me off. She could have, but didn't feel it necessary.

Secretly I wish she had.

DS1 has Aspergers, and sticking him on a bus into the unknown when he was 11 was so massive, I couldn't even think about it...I just did it.

He later told me he was very scared, as he didn't know where the bus was going. It was a 13 mile journey, through villages, winding roads and also a duel carriage way on a double decker bus with no seatbelts. How the hell I ever let my PFB board that bus, I'll never know.

I cried when he took DS2 to the bus stop yesterday. I took a photo of them as they walked away without them knowing.....a big serious one steadily striding off on his regular morning routine, and an excited little one almost skipping by his side, fueled by the excitement of his first day at high school.

I almost felt like I shouldn't take the photo....as if I were invading their personal foray.....

[lordnoobson]

It matters as schools cannot cope with 200 odd extra people in. Also where does if end? Parents waiting outside the door again today. Piss off. Apparently one got the bus in with her kid.

[capsium]

Well schools will just have to take responsibility for making the arrangements as clear and welcoming as possible. Then parents would maybe feel more confident.

Staff welcoming children into the school grounds on the first day, organising them from the gates makes a big difference.

[capsium]

^and children would feel more confident

[Bogeyface]

Lynette it was a big moment for you too, and when they are both leaving to go out into the world you will remember that and look at the photo.

I know because I looked at his "first day" photos the night after DS left home, I cried buckets. How we feel about giving our children to the world never changes, and somehow its comforting to know that it was the same when he started reception, and juniors and seniors and college. The love and the fear and the desperation to keep them safe never changes, but the knowledge that they couldnt go out into the world, stage by stage, if you hadnt done a good job bringing them up really does help :)

[Bogeyface]

Also, DS has cerebal palsy and I had "I cant think about this, just do it" moments too, I can relate!

[ArcheryAnnie]

Met DS partway yesterday afternoon after school as usual, and we went to get the bus (as his bag was v heavy yesterday, and it's a long walk). In theory there are proper controlled pedestrian crossings all the way, but on TWO of these crossings yesterday big cars went straight through when the green man was there, and damn the people who had to jump out of the way. (One of these crossings is notorious for light-jumpers.) I thought of this thread, and thought of how glad I was I'd gone to meet DS.

(Both times the cars jumping the light were massive gleaming 4x4s driven by women with a single tiny child in the back, but that's another story...)

[CatCushion]

Dd walked to school on her first day of 6th form, from her boyfriend's place! (Nearly a mile away, and meeting a new friend at the train station on the way.)

Must try to get a first week at sixth form photo tomorrow!

[SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker]

ha, it would have taken one DS about two hours and two changes plus a five minute walk each end to get to his school five miles away. He did ride home on the bus from time to time. Mostly because he was mouthy and rude on the way home the day before or because he was not where he said he would be when I came to pick him up and I waited twenty minutes and then left. As his school started at 7.20am it was unreasonably too much to go by bus in the morning. Somehow even though mummy and daddy dropped him off at school every day until he was old enough to drive himself he has managed at uni 2000 miles from home these last few weeks.

Is this (they'll never learn to be independent) the more grown up version of "if you let them use a sippy cup at two they will never learn to drink out of a regular cup" because my kid had one bottle a day until almost his third birthday and has managed drinking too.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I'm not even going to tell you how long ds had a bed time bottle for but yes I agree,I think it's the same way of thinking.

[SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker]

Oh and I would tell my 14-17 yr old to have a nice day and it didn't bother him, if it did he never said. However, it wasn't always "have a nice day" sometimes it was "try not to piss "David" off too much today" - usually said when "David" or another friend was sticking a head in a window saying hello.

My 13 yr old usually takes a bus to school and has done since he started, but on occasions I drive him (wants time in the morning to do something or bus not running or whatever). Sometimes it is because I'm volunteering the classroom (common here from time to time) and DS is happy to walk with me and carry stuff in while chattering about school gossip or stuff that has happened. Often his friends drift over as we are doing it. Usually once we get through the front door he takes off, but that is because I am less interesting than whatever graphic novel they are reading. Schools here encourage parents to come to the classroom door and they have notices, sign ups etc on the door. Until my kids were about 11 it was school policy that they had to be released to an adult. The private school bus driver would come like the pied piper to collect kids. When I picked him up his school had cubbies for each kid instead of hooks with a basket for jackets, bags etc and they were built like benches for the parents to sit on in the hallway.

[monsterfaery]

I sent my DS off out of the door yesterday morning with instructions on how to catch the bus and he went off with no problem.
Unfortunately DH had to go and find him at the bus stop at the end of the day as there have been roadworks all summer and the buses have been stopping at a different stop. DH came home the night before and the buses were still going from an alternative stop so we had explained to DS where he would need to get the bus. During the day while DH was driving round for work he drove past the stops and the roadworks had been removed and the normal stops reopened so at the end of the day he drove round to see if DS had realised this but he hadn't and was heading to the stop we had told him to go to (which would now be the wrong one).
I've sent him off today again and he now knows where he has to catch the bus home today, so we will see if he makes it home tonight

[funkybuddah]

I never thought to walk dc1 to school. I stopped doing that I year 6 anyway.

I didnt know where my senior school was, we didnt have taster days so I'd never seen it, no dry runs. My sister drew me map on a scrap of paper and she and mum sent me on my way. I found it, and I didnt feel any sadness or anxiety about heading off to an unknown building.

[Andrewofgg]

I cycled to secondary school from Day One. Three busy miles.

My DS had the choice of Tube or bus from the same Tube station. The idle bugger quickly worked out that it was downhill from the Tube (at the school end) to school and downhill from the school to the bus stop and acted accordingly!