Parents. Don't take secondary kids INTO school buildings on the first day

[lordnoobson]

They'll be fine. Really. Car park tops. Or even (gasp) let them go alone.

capiscum mine has no SNs, but although he goes to school by himself, I still meet him halfway home at the point where the traffic turns really bad. I have no problem with doing this, he actively prefers it, we do stuff (walking, food shopping) on the way home, and it hasn't turned him into a lily-livered, smothered, friendless weakling, despite what a lot of the (rather sneering) posts on this thread imply will happen.

archeryanne, yes, it is a very sneery thread.

At DS school there was no school bus for the first day (half day) with just the Y7s, and so I took him to school. As did other parents.

By car.

It is about 5 miles.

I also picked him up. All the parents waited outside the school at home time. Some waited in the car, if they had managed to park close.

So shoot me

Errol-we are just over the PEOPLE MIGHT SEE US stage, we had it last year, it was tiresome to say the very least

The other day ds actually put his arm round me in PUBLIC

I thought of this thread this morning when I saw a mother leading her ?11y/o son by the hand towards the (admittedly Central London) school near my work this morning... Felt rather sorry for the poor kid!

I thought of this thread this morning when I saw a mother leading her ?11y/o son by the hand towards the (admittedly Central London) school near my work this morning... Felt rather sorry for the poor kid!

Might have been me.

A couple of years ago when my DS was starting Y7 he was getting ready etc and I said right off you go to the bus.
My OH said right lets go...he was actually going to walk him to the bus stop and wait with DS.I told him to stay put lol

Archery, Brave Thank you that is reassuring.

My DC is gaining more confidence and independence all the time.

I want nothing more than my child's success and I encourage independence as far as I can. However I just do not think the kind of outside pressure that comes from judging parents and children that are, lets face it, in this instance, only just slightly outside of the 'norm', is constructive at all.

No 11 year old holds a parents' hand unless they want to. They have YEARS of needing to be tough in the future, they are children, if they need to hold a hand then I won't judge!

I held my 13 year old's hand briefly the other week in a packed London station, we'd have lost each other otherwise.

If you live beyond walking/cycling distance and there's no public transport then of course that's different. Same if there's an SN - but that's what it says, a special need. If you need to take your kid to school for either of those reasons, of course that's entirely as it should be, no-one should give you (and more particularly, your kids) a hard time about it. I assume the OP meant this thread for over-anxious parents of brand-new yr 7s in general.

The next piece of advice for those, especially the ones with a longer journey than they had at primary is, don't be surprised if for a few days they seem to revert to something like toddlerhood -too exhausted to do anything without a meltdown! Feed them, don't grill them, and steer towards early night. This too shall pass!

But Errol I would make the point that this need is not that special.

My DC has a number of needs, that are not that special, they are only slightly more needy, than you would expect for the norm. However my DC also possesses strengths, in other areas, which compensate. There hasalso been a great deal of progression, going from requiring a Statement of SEN to not needing one.

My point is that this 'hysteria' over what other people's children can and cannot do, how other people parent, does not help the ones like my DC fit in. It encourages self consciousness and added stress.

Genuine question: are you all glad your children want to pretend they are not yours near the school? It just seems like you are all proud of that - though I admit I might be misreading this, and it's just cheerful, slightly rueful acceptance of the status quo.

I never took mine to secondary school on any of their first days there. They would have been mortified if I had as they were looking forward to that feeling of independence that going on the bus (school contract bus) by themselves gave them.

If the go to an after school club or on a school trip which gets back too late then I have to collect them obviously, as there will be no bus and the school is 7 miles away. That is the sum of it though, apart from parents evenings and the occasional other function.

Sometimes in the morning I tease them and say that I will walk down to the bus stop as I head out to walk the dogs so that I can give each of them big sloppy kisses and hugs (and the dogs can lick them to bits). Their predictable reaction is always "don't you dare, mum!!"

I wasn't glad that my children wanted to pretend they'd never been introduced to me but I accepted that this is a fairly natural stage at this age. I'd been the same with my DM. Also it doesn't mean anything significant in the greater scheme of things.

Archery - cheerful acceptance of status quo, I think. My DS is just going into Y8 but changes schools in Y9, so still in the same school (albeit a different part of the school) as Y3 DD. I never even saw his form room last year. I was allowed into school (other than for concerts and the like) once, when he was absolutely desperate because he was in trouble for losing 2 books in quick succession and had only one chance to find them - so I was "allowed" to come and help him hunt through likely classrooms after school. One other time he left something fairly vital in the car so, feeling kind, having dropped DD off, I went round to his classroom to drop it off. I have literally never seen him move as fast as he did between spotting me and intercepting me before I got into the classroom .

It's not far off with DD, either. I foresee lots of return trips to the car, though, as she scatters possessions merrily around her as she goes through the day, which up until now I have reassembled at the end of the day. The most I plan to do next year is to ask whether she has everything and keep sending her back until she does.

Not "glad", but it is just something you have to accept and there is little point in railing against it.

Children of that age often find their parents embarrassing. In fact, we are not cool pets to have at all unless they want something - like the "free" taxi service of mum and dad to take them over to friends' houses (in the next town here, miles away).

Accept it as one of their rites of passage, with a good grace. It is a phase that really doesn't last forever.

Teens like to kid themselves they are totally independent and don't need us for anything apart from lifts, money, constant support etc

Must admit I wandered into school today, said hi to the receptionist, chatted to teachers, admired new babies, said hi to DD's classmates - exclaimed over their new form room decoration and their "crazy" timetable (according to them, looked fine to me). Told them physics was great and not to be worried - totally enjoyed myself!

DD wasn't bothered and ignored me.

It is funny how we all judge differently.

If I see a big boy holding his mum's hand I think: "Awww, sweet!", it makes me smile.

Another might think: "Noo! This is all wrong! Poor kid will be stigmatised for life! What if his friends see him!"

My 12 yr old is very immune to peer pressure, so far (secondary school may well change that) and in Y6 would think nothing of giving me a massive hug at pick up time. He's just a very touchy feely kid.

My much more gregarious, cool 10 yr old does not even allow me near him. i respect that. he wants to be a "cool" kid. Fine.

But I think as a parent, you just go with your kids preferences int his respect, no?

And some kids DO like their parents to take them to school for the first day of Y7. It doesn't mean they won't be independent soon enough, IMO

Rueful acceptance. And likewise on the occasions when they still do need us - like my DD won't contemplate going into the dentists or orthodontists surgery without me - whereas I was going on a solo unfamiliar bus route when quite a bit younger (and way before mobile phones!) to get my teeth fixed.

We all know our own kids - what their unique needs are - just sometimes when they're at a new phase they are ready for, we may need a bit of reassurance from parents who've been there, done that, that they really will be OK.

Archery, my child didn't want to pretend she wasn't mine when she started secondary school, but she was starting to become independent, which is natural enough. She didn't want me to come and walk her to school (not that I'd have considered offering!) any more than she would have wanted me to come down to the park and give her a push on the swings when she started having the fun of being able to go there with them all by herself. Or towel her dry after a bath. Or tie her laces. Or wipe her face clean after tea.

Parents do stop doing some things with/for their children, and that's as it's always been. Unless in exceptional circumstances, I don't think an eleven year old enjoying setting off down the road, meeting her friends and finding her own way through the front door of a big new school is something to mourn.

Of course there are circumstances where a child won't become independent at the same time as his/her peers, and maybe not at all - but that doesn't mean it's sad or wrong to suggest that the majority of 11 year olds should enjoy this new moment of independence - and the majority of parents should back off and let them!

Oh, I wasn't thinking that any assertion of independence is something to mourn, or that parents should hover - but I do think it's sad that when parents are there, their children are embarrassed by their very presence I don't think this has anything to do with independence (something to be celebrated) and everything to do with some kind of bizarre learned notion of what is cool (which I do find a bit sad).