To think it's odd to take your grown up dc abroad on holiday and not invite their partners or dc?

[ikeaismylocal]

My pil like to take their dc abroad when each one turns 40, the pil pay for the entire holiday for them and their dc (4 dc all in their 30s/40s) the last holiday was 2 weeks in Greece when sil turned 40.

It is very kind of them to pay for their dc to go away but there is never the mention that partners or dc would be welcome but obviously would have to pay for themselves.

The last time dp went away it caused lots of issues between us mostly because he spent a large chunk of his annual leave on this holiday, we live in dp'a home country and at that stage I wasn't very settled here which made spending 2 weeks alone worse.

Dp turns 40 soon, we will have 2 toddlers when he turns 40, aibu to say if he wants to go away and celebrate his 40th without us he can take the dc with him as they are as much his family as his parents and siblings.

I just couldn't imagine organizing holidays for just my dc and dp 20 years after they leave home, surely it's important to embrace the way the family has changed.

I think it's odd, yes. What does your DP think?

My aunt does this every year with her grown up children ( my cousins )
She likes to spend time with just her girls
They go to be benidorm every year , no husbands , no kids , it's something they've always done
I don't think it's odd at all ... I think it lovely

Yes, I think it's odd too. What do they do while they're away?

My dad would organise something like this for a special occasion but there's no way he'd do it without including his Son-in-Laws or GC.

It is odd, 2 weeks is a long time when you gave 2 young children to look after. It's disrespecting you as his significant other, and mother of his children. She might not be able to afford all of you though.

I think a mother & her daub trees is a bit different to both parents & children
It's like they're harking back to the past, things are different now & they need to invite partners & grandchildren IMO even if that means each family contributing to the cost

daughters

Two weeks ? What the fuck do they do every day ?

Is it a child-free style holiday though? Drinking and so on, hair down kind of brea if so, they are perfectly within their rights to keep it adult only.

Two weeks is too long though imo. a week away is sufficient if you have to use up annual leave.

They should organise something that involves partners and dc, eg meal, or party etc if tgey want to do something special for their children's 40th

3 nights max, I would say

Yep, a long weekend would not be unreasonable

Dp thinks it's nice to have a holiday, apparently it's because pil couldn't afford foreign holidays when they were children so they are making up for it now, but they did have holidays just not posh ones.

His siblings also seem to think it's normal, his sister missed one of her own dc's birthdays as she was away.

I really don't expect pil to pay for me and our dc to go on holiday, but I don't want to be stuck at home looking after our dc whilst dp goes away with them, I'd be hurt that dp didn't want to celebrate his 40th with us.

Very odd ,even odder is that all the children go along with it . I think its very different to shinyshoes example of an annual event . The fact that its to celebrate an occasion makes it odd that they exclude half the family .

It's not especially adults only, they go to the beach and out to eat, it wouldn't be my first choice as a family holiday but it's not all night clubbing or a city break involving lots of museums.

I have to disagree with the majority and say I don't think it's odd. They want to mark an important birthday for their own children. Two weeks is probably a bit long and a week would be better but I think it's a nice gesture and gives the whole family an opportunity to spend quality together. The parents are getting older and time is probably not on their side. It's only very occasionally so I wouldn't have an issue with this.

Definitely unusual. And disrespectful of the partner left behind.

2 wks too long (am projecting as I'd go BONKERS stuck w family for a fortnight) but I think it's nice to have a week just with your "first" family (plus I'd be happy for DH to go off with my inlaws for a week - I love them but they're not my family so if he's happy to spend time with them 121 that's great!).

I think it's nice to reconnect as a daughter or son occasionally rather than coming to your parents as a wife/husband and mother/father all the time.

I really don't expect pil to pay for me and our dc to go on holiday, but I don't want to be stuck at home looking after our dc

Is this the real issue perhaps?

We go abroad without the Dc's partners once a year. My daughter died 5 years ago in the country we go to. None of the partners knew DD and have no issue with it. I'd hate for a partner of one of our DC's not to understand. Two weeks is too long though IMO.

That sounds like a fair "issue" to me

No, I was annoyed when he went away pre-children.

Very odd. I think you´d be reasonable to say the kids should go.

Don't they realise that their grown children have families of their own who might want to celebrate their special day too. It is disrespectful! Yes it is odd how the dc go along with it, don't they want their significant other and children involved with their day too! I would be ok with a week, 2 weeks is taking the piss.