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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I nearly killed myself today

476 replies

PepsiTwirl · 25/08/2014 23:48

Really sorry but put here for traffic.

I put it in mental health a couple of hours ago but noone responded.

I was going to kill myself , but just as I was about to take tablets, my partner walked in.

DP knows I'm having a hard time, but not this hard.

We spoke for abit, and cried together. DP now asleep and need to talk

(I added a symbol to a random thread to make sure name change had worked)

OP posts:
CautiousVisitor · 26/08/2014 00:34

Stay with us, OP. You matter!

All it takes is small steps. You're already taking them - coming on here, seeing what's on TV and thinking about the associations. Use those tiny things to anchor you and to help you to carry on.

Coumarin · 26/08/2014 00:34

Crossed posts. Xx

judypoops · 26/08/2014 00:36

Londons burning- I used to love that too! Have you got any friends or family around?

Septbaby · 26/08/2014 00:36

Has this been a trigger for you today?

deeedeee · 26/08/2014 00:36

It's no wonder your struggling then Pepsi. No one should have to cope with that.

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 00:36

I have family and afew friends but don't want to burden them with my problems.
They have there own

OP posts:
Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 00:37

No one knows I was abused apart from my partner

OP posts:
judypoops · 26/08/2014 00:38

X posts.
Ok, I get it now, I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Have you ever told anyone in rl

Septbaby · 26/08/2014 00:38

Could you talk to someone completely separate from friends and family about it anonymously?

deeedeee · 26/08/2014 00:38

That.'so why you need to talk to Samaritans or professionals. You won't burden them, it's their job! And you have to worry about it changing your relationship with you.ask for help

Spartak · 26/08/2014 00:39

Why not try the samaritans then? You can hang up whenever you like. They will be able to point you in the direction of others that can help.

Coumarin · 26/08/2014 00:39

You're not a burden. They love you.

judypoops · 26/08/2014 00:40

X posts again.
Your partner sounds like he or she loves you very much.
I was wondering if you have received counselling? Or have you been holding it in? Apart from telling dp

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 00:40

I would be a burden

OP posts:
anonacfr · 26/08/2014 00:41

Ok you don't want to burden your family and friends- think of their pain if you killed yourself? They would have to live with that for the rest of their lives!!!!!!
It's better to tell them you're struggling (even without details) than for them to deal with the soul destroying feeling that they could have done something to help you- the fucking awful what-ifs.

If you're not ready to tell anyone apart from your DP- and that is already a great call someone anonymous. So many people care about you.

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 00:41

I had some counselling but it didn't seem to help

OP posts:
judypoops · 26/08/2014 00:42

If it was my friend or sister I would want to help and it would never ever be a burden

Spartak · 26/08/2014 00:42

You will be more of a burden if you take your own life Pepsi. Your partner knows what happened and loves you anyway. Please wake him up.

Septbaby · 26/08/2014 00:43

Darling you wouldn't be a burden to anyone, the people who love you will want to help you, but I can understand your apprehension, that's why it's very worth calling the Samaritans

triplets · 26/08/2014 00:44

Pepsi will you tell us how old you are? Can you feel how much we all want to help you, we dont know you, we dont know what has happened in your life to make you want to end it...........but we are all involved now because we very much care. Do you find the nights the worst time, I did, couldnt sleep things going round and round my head, awful awful time. Keep talking to us, keep watching the tv if you dont want to wake up your dp and when you feel you can keep your eyes open no longer go and lay beside him in bed and let sleep take away these thoughts and see what tomorrow brings...........its just a little step, you can do it. xx

CautiousVisitor · 26/08/2014 00:44

I agree with everyone who says that helping someone you love is never a burden - think of that song, "He Ain't Heavy, He's my Brother".

But even if you were, you are a human being who is completely unique and special. You are worthy of the help and time of others to get you back to being healthy and happy.

anonacfr · 26/08/2014 00:45

Counselling doesn't always work. You might need to find someone new/a different type of therapy/medication/whatever is needed.

The main thing is YOU ARE A BURDEN TO THE ONES WHO LOVE YOU! They want you happy and with them for many years to come and they would do anything to help you if they knew. If you can't tell them as others have said try the Samaritans. You could write down a script to read down the phone or read through this thread- whatever helps.

MyPrettyToes · 26/08/2014 00:47

The journey from being abused at 9 years old to tonight has obviously been a difficult one for you. You can get help with this. You know tonight can be the turning point for you, the point at which you start on the road to recovery. However you cannot do it alone. No-one will think you a burden.

For now continue to speak to people through these pages. Call the Samaritans if the urge gets too strong and you want to hear a voice.

There are many reasons why you should continue to live. This feeling of wanting to end it is not going to last. It doesn't.

Original poster
PepsiTwirl · 26/08/2014 00:47

I'm 30

OP posts:
Spartak · 26/08/2014 00:47

One of my best friends took her own life 4 years ago. She was beautiful and funny and clever, and I will have a lifetime of feeling regret and sadness that she didn't feel she could "burden" me.

Perhaps you could call your closest friend right now? I know I would have preferred to have a million calls like that in the middle of the night, then the one I got the following morning.