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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To think that having kids actually isn't that stressful/tiring?

200 replies

Nicklt1988 · 23/08/2014 23:24

There may well be a back lash to this.

We have one DD (6 y/o) - and I can honestly say I have never really felt stressed/tired since she was born.

Me and my wife do the same level of caring, neither of us does anymore or less than the other and we split domestic stuff pretty evenly.

Maybe we have been lucky, but then again I don't think we have. When DW became pregnant neither of use worked and we had no where to live, so not not a stressful situation - over those 6 years we have worked hard and have a pretty good life etc.

Maybe it's has just been different for us compared to most - just that probably 80-90% of friends or people I speak to who have children (be it 1 or more) comment about how stressful it is and tiring.

I'm naturally quite a calm and laid back person so maybe that helps somewhat, my DW is different she can get very stressed over thing (not over DD though) and she has said she has never really felt stressed of tired from DD (apart from maybe the first 1-2 months from when she was born).

Does anyone else not find having kids stressful - or does anyone think I'm crazy to think it's not.

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 23/08/2014 23:27

My Ds is asd, erratic sleep and I'm on constant watch as he is a danger to himself. I also have a dd which is over sensitive and crys at the smallest of things.

I find it very stressful and tiring.

fairgame · 23/08/2014 23:27

YABU. You got lucky.

Flossiex2 · 23/08/2014 23:28

Does your wife feel the same?

Tapirbackrider · 23/08/2014 23:29

Everyone's experience will be different, and tbh judging others by your own experience is a little daft.

BookABooSue · 23/08/2014 23:29

YANBU to think it hasn't been tiring or stressful for you but YABU to extrapolate from that to an absolute that 'having kids actually isn't that stressful'

tbf I think the key is that you say you and your DW split domestic stuff evenly. I think a lot of the stress and tiredness comes when one parent is carrying a heavier burden than the other either because their DP isn't mucking in or because their circumstances are more difficult because of lack of money, poor health, etc, etc.

thornrose · 23/08/2014 23:31

It's not stressful or tiring for you.

You're not crazy but extremely naïve/stupid to think that everyone has it as easy!

I won't share my experience, which is very stressful, as I doubt you'd get it.

thewildrover · 23/08/2014 23:31

You haven't got 'kids'. You've only got one. So why are you writing as if you know what having more than one is like? Confused

Original poster
Nicklt1988 · 23/08/2014 23:31

Yep Tapirbackrider I was definitely judging wasn't I. NO I was merely asking a question.

OP posts:
ElephantsNeverForgive · 23/08/2014 23:31

[Hmm] I wonder if your wife would post the same thing? Someone is picking up the shitty bits of parenthood and if it isn't you.....

yummumto3girls · 23/08/2014 23:31

What do you expect people to say to your post? You are lucky that you both share everything equally and have a good standard of living, it's usually the fact that children tend to fall more on one parent whilst one or both work to make the ends meet, it's that that makes things stressful. I have 3 and believe me one child is not stressful!

ThursdayLast · 23/08/2014 23:31

Yeah it's easy peasy.

Original poster
Nicklt1988 · 23/08/2014 23:32

thornrose I don't think everyone has it as easy, and at no point did I imply I thought that.

Again, was just asking a question.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicklt1988 · 23/08/2014 23:33

ElephantsNeverForgive You are wrong - If anything I pick up slightly more parental responsibility that my wife.

OP posts:
thornrose · 23/08/2014 23:34

Oh go on, I can't resist. My dd has AS which makes her behaviour very difficult to manage and her dad died leaving me as the only parent.

I've just notice your opening sentence "there may well be a backlash to this" aka goady fucker?

gertiegusset · 23/08/2014 23:35

Well praise the Good Lord, you got lucky, piece of piss innit.

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 23/08/2014 23:35

I thought having a child was stressful and tiring, then I had another one and realised how easy having just one was...

Congratulations op on having an easy time of it with DD however yes YABVU to think that having kids is not stressful and tiring because:
a) you have a kid not kids
and b) every child and parent is different so experiences are not comparable

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 23/08/2014 23:35

One NT child does not a top parent make.

Original poster
Nicklt1988 · 23/08/2014 23:35

No thornrose not goading, just highlighting what may happen.

OP posts:
BlackDaisies · 23/08/2014 23:35

I think it sounds like you have a good partnership and your dd is healthy. That makes for less stress. Good for you! Enjoy it!
But don't be judgmental of the many people whose relationships cause difficulties, or who have children with illnesses or additional needs to contend with. It doesn't come across as an attractive quality!

Salmotrutta · 23/08/2014 23:36

You don't have a teenager yet then OP?

That's quite stressful...

fairgame · 23/08/2014 23:36

I am sniggering a little inside because i was the perfect easy peasy child.
Then i turned 12. My Mum and Dad immediately turned grey, stressed and thought i was the spawn of Satan.

Be very careful OP this might come back to haunt you!

thornrose · 23/08/2014 23:37

Care to comment on the rest of my post! Unexpected SEN and unexpected bereavement?

KristinaM · 23/08/2014 23:37

I agree, it's a walk in the park . It's just all these stupid women whinging as usual

Thanks for coming on here to put us right. We need more men here to tell us how it is

Why don't you go on the special needs boards and share with them. Or the single parents ? What about those whose children are seriously ill ? Or who are also caring for an elderly parent ? Those who live in poverty or are homeless ?

I'm sure they would benefit from your perspective

ICanSeeTheSun · 23/08/2014 23:38

So what's your secret to having a child that has never had a tantrum in the supermarket or never kicked up a fuss when leaving the park! was happy to come out of soft play and eats what ever you make with out you stressing if she is eating ok.

gamescompendium · 23/08/2014 23:38

You have one child, the baby years are over and you are now in the golden years of childhood. And you're a Dad (who doesn't work part time/is a SAHP)? Course you think you've got things sorted.

I've got 3 kids, DH and I both work, and we have no family nearby. Having kidS is fucking exhausting. Even when they are being delightful the eldest is a complete motormouth, the youngest is very keen to show us how well he can say 'toes' repeatedly and the middle child is admittedly relatively easy. Except she is currently rebelling by refusing to eat all food. Except bananas (but only at a certain point of ripeness).

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