AIBU To think that having kids actually isn't that stressful/tiring?

[Nicklt1988]

There may well be a back lash to this.

We have one DD (6 y/o) - and I can honestly say I have never really felt stressed/tired since she was born.

Me and my wife do the same level of caring, neither of us does anymore or less than the other and we split domestic stuff pretty evenly.

Maybe we have been lucky, but then again I don't think we have. When DW became pregnant neither of use worked and we had no where to live, so not not a stressful situation - over those 6 years we have worked hard and have a pretty good life etc.

Maybe it's has just been different for us compared to most - just that probably 80-90% of friends or people I speak to who have children (be it 1 or more) comment about how stressful it is and tiring.

I'm naturally quite a calm and laid back person so maybe that helps somewhat, my DW is different she can get very stressed over thing (not over DD though) and she has said she has never really felt stressed of tired from DD (apart from maybe the first 1-2 months from when she was born).

Does anyone else not find having kids stressful - or does anyone think I'm crazy to think it's not.

[polomoomin]

Ha. When we had our first DC I would have been in total agreement with you. Aside from the first three months where he had the most horrendous colic and screamed practically every second of the day that is... He was a 'dream child' after that. Slept really well, could take him anywhere without any drama, played really well, weaned really well, teething didn't phase him one iota, he didn't even scream during immunisations. Soo chilled out, I often questioned what everyone else meant when they said it was stressful! Oh and we would watch programmes like supernanny all smug because we didn't have any of those issues, we must just be doing all the right things .

Fast forward to now, three DC. The next two had totally different personalities to him. Both of them way more 'highly strung' I guess, nowhere near as chilled out. Teething didn't bother DC2 either but did bother DC3 badly. Both of them are a lot more demanding in many, many ways. Have issues at bedtime getting them all to go to bladdy sleep. As a baby DC3 wanted to be attached to me 24/7 and would scream if not, I couldn't even have a bath. Getting everyone ready to go out takes about ten years and when we do go out there's always some drama from either DC2 or 3 or if we're really lucky, both.

See where I'm going here? My DM said if she'd had my brother first she'd never have dreamt of having another child. I was the 'dream' like my first DC, my brother was a typical Supernanny case. Children have such very different personalities. Also, I was a dream child and a fecking awful teenager. Just wait for those years, see how smug you are then .

[dottytablecloth]

What is the point of this thread?

I usually find when there's too much self congratulating going on things take an unexpected turn!

I wouldn't rest on my laurels just yet OP!

[Longdistance]

Yabu.

You had one 'kid' and by the sounds of it, she was palmed off into child care. I'd like to hear your dws point of view, it's probably very different from yours.

And Yabu to post in aibu, and get pissy when nobody agrees

[MeanwhileHighAboveTheField]

I have four kids and it isn't stressful at all....

...at this moment in time. Seeing as 3 are still asleep (amazingly!) and one is watching the television.

[3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole]

Yabvu

It depends on the child, on the parents, on the situation

Also just because for the first 6 years you haven't been stressed doesn't mean it won't bite you on the arse one day

[insancerre]

6 is a very easy age though isn't it?
Past the boring baby stage and the terrible toddler stage.
just wait till those hormones kick in

[NickNackNooToYou]

I think your title needs amending to 'having one child' you don't have kids

and as my youngest DS says, kids are baby goats

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

My mother also says if she had had my brother first i would never have been born as i was an angel and he screamed from the second he arrived. If you are lucky enough to have had an angel, just count your lucky stars, but no, the rest of us aren't so lucky! My dd1 is exhausting, now a very terrible toddler. I took the risk of having a second, and dd2 is much easier, but in conjunction with her sister i cant stop being exhausted.

my best friend had an angel baby first and hit the jackpot with the second. When she is feeding them breakfast at 930, and mine have been up since 5, yes i am pretty exhausted!

[Frustrated101]

If i had just had DD my stress levels at 6 would have been zero too. I had a stress free pg, natural birth, she hardly cried, slept through at 8 weeks (and didnt wake again through the night until she was night toilet trained), could take her anywhere, she sat doing quiet activities etc.

However i then had DS1. He didnt hit his milestones (he has MLD) including not being able to talk well or understand things which made him frustrated. He was back and forth to hospital and had me worried sick. He still slept well but had no concept of danger so he needed constant supervision until he was nearly 6. He is doing better now but is still challenging at times.

DS2 didnt sleep as well as the other 2 and although at 2 he seems as if he hasnt any issues, i worried about him talking etc. He doesnt enjoy quiet activities and instead prefers roaring like a dinosaur and pretending to be a racing car.

DD who is now 11 is still easy to look after but is now heading off on her own to the park, school. That is a stressful time as you arent there to protect them.

It is also less stressful if childcare and housework are equally shared. You are lucky in this respect as usually this falls more on one person.

As much as i could have written your post if i had stayed with one, i would never have been so smug to put it on a post.

[Frustrated101]

And of course more than one dc argue or fight over toys, parents attention etc which one cant do. My DM always says that double the children but triple the work.

[FindoGask]

I don't think anyone would be bothered, OP, if your title hadn't been such a generalisation. You didn't just objectively want to compare your own experience with everyone else's, perhaps offering some reasons why you're personally not stressed out by parenthood but can see why others might be.

As has been pointed out, you have one easy child. You're not therefore at all qualified to comment on anyone else's family life.

[HicDraconis]

You know, I would have agreed with you at one point. DS1 made it to 5 / 6 without causing me too much stress and I certainly am more tired working full time in a job with ridiculous call rosters than I ever was looking after the boys. Even when DS2 turned up (there's 18 months between them) I was again lucky - they were both good eaters and sleepers, they seemed to do great in nursery, I went back to work, DH very supportive etc.

But then DS1 started having a few problems with bullying at school and I cannot tell you how much stress I was under having to wave him off to school every day knowing what it was doing to him. So, more stressing and angsting and discussing with colleagues and we changed school, life again is cruisy.

But then DS2 landed up in ED with anaphylaxis. Only we don't know what he reacted to. After adrenaline and steroids he was back to normal (although a 6 year old on steroids is interesting... hyper bouncy and always eating!) but now we have to carry adrenaline wherever we go. I was stressed as hell that night.

So I would say YANBU to have found the first 6 years of your child's life stress free. It's possible and certainly easier with one. YWBVU to extrapolate that to "having children is stress free" for any and all situations as this is clearly not the case; YWBEU (equally) to extrapolate that to meaning that the remainder of your DD's upbringing will be just as smooth and stress free. Good luck to you and I hope it is.

[crazyoldfish]

We have 2 kids, both work full time. It is not stressful (tiring yes as dc2 still wakes to feed several times a night) well certainly not compared to my job anyway. But. Both kids are healthy and fairly easy. We are both healthy. We don't have lots of money but we don't need to worry about it day to day and all our families are healthy. We both like our jobs and there is some flexibility there.
That sounds very smug (as did the OP) but I hope the difference is I recognise that change anyone of those things, let alone several of them and the stress would start to exist.
I do have some friends who seem to have similar situations to us who do find it hard but I feel that just means I don't know all the pressures on them, the hidden worries etc.
Easy lives are not stressful, but you have to be very lucky for life to be easy. And it can (and will) change so enjoy it while it lasts.

[imip]

You're child is only 6 - you have the teenage years to deal with yet... Possibly a bad idea to call it now!

If I had only my 7 yo, the early years would have been difficult, she was high demands, but she'd be bliss now.

Signed a very stressed mum of 4 who does find parenting hard, stressful but very rewarding...

[Anomaly]

This thread just plain daft. I have three fairly normal children. No significant SEN. No real money worries. Kids are all healthy as are we. DH does mostly his fair share. Its still bloody stressful a lot of the time. Last night DD1 age 2 woke up at midnight and had to be resettled she screamed so much this morning she is hoarse. We're on holiday in a shared house I bet everyone else staying here thoroughly enjoyed listening to her.

[tittifilarious]

In think OP is poorly worded - maybe "AIBU to think I'm unusual in not finding parenting particularly stressful?" Might have been better.

In fairness to OP, I have had two textbook pregnancies and labours, both children have no additional needs and both slept well and have had healthy appetites. We've not had any discipline problems, neither have been bullied at school and both are at or near the top of their classes. We both work full time but are equal partners. So "parenting" in general has not been stressful for us.

One child had a serious illness this year so of course that specific period was stressful but that is far from typical.

Some of the things we experience as a consequence of parenting are challenging of course - there have been times when our childcare bills have almost pushed us over and the fact you're never off duty and have more things to fit in to a day is a challenge. The responsibility could be overwhelming for some - previously if work was being a pain I'd think "well I could always tell them to stuff their job" whereas now I would never even contemplate it.

But I still think the day to day "child rearing" has been a pleasure and I certainly wouldn't describe it as stressful. I can very well imagine though that with an unequal partnership, or a child with additional needs, or extreme financial hardship parenting WOULD be very stressful/tiring indeed.

[Timetoask]

OP, your statement depends very much on the personality/type of child you have. Other things also count (such as your resilience, financial stability, etc), but if your child is the easy type, then parenting it easier.

I have 2 children. The eldest has adhd and learning difficulties. We are exhausted. We have not slept past 5am for 9 years (not even during holidays, not even on sundays, not even on my birthday!!!). He doesn't stop all day. We don't have any family help. We get respite for 5 hours one saturday every couple of months.

On the other hand, my second child is brilliant. He has lots of energy as well, but because he doesn't have learning difficulties I am able to explain/discuss/negotiate things with him and it's a joy. If he were my only child perhaps I would think like you.

Having said that, you never know what is around the corner, your wonderful child may become a nightmare teenager.

[PacificDogwood]

Somehow I don't think that the OP will be back

[superstarheartbreaker]

I am a single mum and I find it stressful . Dd is wonderful but I miss my freedoms. Went on an amazing holiday but she was homesick which made it stressful tbh.

[WhatsMyAgeAgain]

OP, you haven't given many details....

Did your baby sleep, at day and at night? Did you find little, broken sleep made your days easy?

Was you child exclusively breast fed? Do you think relying on one person to feed around the clock is easy? Do you think feeding could ever be painful?

Does your child have any food allergies? Do you think a dairy intolerance might make things difficult? Maybe your baby had eczema for 6 months and scratced herself day and night. Did you then have to give up dairy so you could continue to breast feed (formula is not an option)

Egg, nut or soya allergy? Along with dairy, do you think this makes weaning easy?

Maybe you have had a similar experience to me, and just handled things better. Doubt it though. You just got lucky (which is what I keep telling myself will happen when I have number 2)

[iamusuallybeingunreasonable]

Good for you, perhaps try having some more before judging

No two are the same, I can guarantee your next one will be a horror

[Iggi999]

Things that make it easier: money, good support, babysitters available, flexible work arrangements or one not working, nice spacious home, a good sleeper, a good feeder, no school worries, being the dad not the mum (way less judgement/interference).

I don't have any of these!

[DoubtfireDear]

YABU.

You are basing your view soley on your own experience of raising one child with another
parent there to suplort you.

To generalise and extend that to everyone who, for many reasons will have it much harder than you is ignorant and a bit silly.

[DoubtfireDear]

*support, not suplort.

[JapaneseMargaret]

My Mum thought she was the world's most natural earth mother when she had me.

Then my brother arrived.

I'm a tad embarrassed for you, truth be told. You need to cop onto yourself. You can't come on here, with one healthy, NT child and say, 'this parenting lark is easy', and not expect scorn rained down upon you.