To not want to give away half my money?

[givemeareason]

Me and my DP are about to buy a house together, the first time for both of us.

We are getting a mortgage, but I also have a hefty deposit to put down of 200k. This was not an inheritance, but money I earned and saved over the years - I'm mid thirties so have had a long time to save.

We have a DD together, and we are both committed to our relationship and family.

I am just not so keen to put the deposit down and then effectively have given away half of it if the worst happens and we do split.

DP thinks if I keep the deposit as 'mine' then we would be unequal partners in the relationship and he would be disadvantaged due to owning less of the house, if the house prices rose he would have less equity overall.

AIBU to want to keep my deposit as my own? I probably am.

[Dubjackeen]

Stay strong OP, and well done, remember his opinion doesn't matter. Here's to a happy future for you and your DD.

[Shonajay]

Here in Scotland, my deposit was recognised as seperate as I brought it to the marriage.

[ProcessYellowC]

Wow OP I am in awe of you!

[JollyGolightly]

Congratulations, OP! A new, exciting phase of your life is just beginning xx

[Itsfab]

OP why are you questioning yourself because your ex is a twat and said some horrible things to you? . He is no longer an important person in your life who you respect so what he thinks and says is irrelevant to you.

Enjoy cottage shopping!

[Freebirdy]

Surely if you see a thread has over 500 (which you can see when you open it) replies you might skip to end end for an idea of what's gone on. Otherwise you just look mad.

[deepest]

givemeareason you really are a star. I hope that you are pleased with yourself for securing the immediate and long term emotional and financial future for you and your daughter. What an achievement.....look forward to a charmed and brilliant life in a beautiful, peaceful home.

monsterowl I agree. MN is like crowd-sourcing advice -- with the ability to see an wide range of povs, and then to take the first step in the direction you want to - with MNers supporting you each step of the way until you have made a life changing decision and taken action.

I always describe these forums as accelerated decision making and collective wisdom which is greater than the sum of its parts....in RL you do not have many opportunities to present your issue to a range of F&F (who obvs would be subjective)....it would take years and years to seek 500+ opinions whereas on here some anonymous random person just has to say the right thing that resonates with your situation and you know in your gut what you have to do next or live to accept....and you are relieved of the churning in your head.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Well done, what a rubbish time you've been through :(

[StackladysMorphicResonator]

well done! It must be really hard, I'm praying for you and hope you and your DD will go on to have a wonderful life.

[Charlesroi]

Well done. It must be tough for you, but you've just secured your DD's future. It doesn't sound like that would have happened if he'd stayed around.

Get your best slobbing-about-the-house gear on, cook your favourite food and fire up Rightmove. And do take PP advice and set up an email account just for dealing with him, so you don't have to talk to him any more.

[redexpat]

Another long time lurker delurking to say hurrah! Hes gone. how are you and dd doing today?

And some classic egs of why you should always rtft before posting.

[givemeareason]

Thanks again everyone for your lovely comments and support.

I have felt really good the past couple of days since he left. I've laughed more than I have in a long time, and DD has been so chilled out, so happy and relaxed - I thought she would show signs of missing him but she really hasn't - she is the most content I've seen her for a while. She's sleeping fantastically too and that's something she usually struggles with.

I am really looking forward to the future and to providing DD with a stable, secure loving home. I love being her mum so much and I love it even more now it's just the two of us.

I have barely heard from ex. He is staying with friends I think so probably enjoying some freedom and nights out. He hasn't even texted to ask how DD is which I find very sad (and surprising), but no doubt when he does get in touch he'll claim he was just too distraught etc.

Ahhhh. Life is good!

[starlight1234]

I remember when I left my ex my DS less than a year old at the time seemed to physically relax that was when I knew I had done the right thing.

I imagine your home is a much calmer place after the last few days and she will be feeing off your happiness.

[LatteLoverLovesLattes]

I am glad you are both so happy

[Futurebird]

Rooting for you OP

[hellsbellsmelons]

Great update.
It's amazing what kids pick up on.
You now know for sure you've done the right thing. Enjoy a chilled Sunday.

[RandomMess]

Great update, happy carer happy baby!

I doub't you'll hear that much from him tbh

[Abilly72]

Easy.....do not do it....many arguments/debates for and against,multitudes of ifs and ands......dont do it .
Your DP should be telling you to protect your hard earned savings.I don't see how any real man DP or DH to would expect a share of this money.If If you feel you must then consult an expensive knowledgeable solicitor/barrister to arranges documentation as will forever protect your money.

[Suefla62]

Abilly72 RTFT!

[Futurebird]

Op, how are you and your girly getting on? Hope you're staying strong and enjoying the two of you. X