To not want to give away half my money?

[givemeareason]

Me and my DP are about to buy a house together, the first time for both of us.

We are getting a mortgage, but I also have a hefty deposit to put down of 200k. This was not an inheritance, but money I earned and saved over the years - I'm mid thirties so have had a long time to save.

We have a DD together, and we are both committed to our relationship and family.

I am just not so keen to put the deposit down and then effectively have given away half of it if the worst happens and we do split.

DP thinks if I keep the deposit as 'mine' then we would be unequal partners in the relationship and he would be disadvantaged due to owning less of the house, if the house prices rose he would have less equity overall.

AIBU to want to keep my deposit as my own? I probably am.

Deed of covenant drawn up by solocitor?

What deposit does he have?

I'd be tempted to buy a buy to let in your name only so you've got your money working for you plus a property if you ever need it.

Me and my partner own out house 70:30 as I had a house already when we bought one together was very easy to sort and should we split my investment is protected, if we don't split it makes no difference day to day

I don't get MN, you are in a loving committed relationship and have a dd together.

This isn't a new relationship where I would be say be very cautious.

Trust your instincts.

Is your partner putting any money down? Your not married so get a financial agreement drawn up that you get 200k back if you split.

This is somewhat off-topic but re DoitJuilia's friends, how unfair! She has earned less due to the maternity leave she took to look after THEIR children. The injustice of it...

Gosh I must be so naive. I just could not settle down with someone unless I was 100% confident in them.

DONT DO IT!!

Why not invest it in a seperate property of your own which you can rent out, and if everything goes pear shaped you have a property to live in that's solely yours.

I would never, ever do this without protecting my deposit. And I say that having tried (and failed) to convince my sister to do the same - the ensuing fallout when they split was worse than anything I've ever seen. I put down £800k deposit when I first bought with DH (all savings), and it made me feel sick - despite the fact we were already married!

Do you want to get married or are you in a life partnership already? If not, you should absolutely protect your deposit. If you are together forever but don't plan to marry, think about how you want to share and keep separate all your assets - pensions, savings, other investments etc.

When DH and I bought our first place he was still my DP and had a much bigger deposit than me. Our solicitor arranged a 'declaration of trust' which would have protected his share if we had split.

I'm still pissed off at having to pay ex so much. Please don't do it. I now own this house, no mortgage either, and I refuse to put my DP (who I have a DD with) on the deeds. If we split there is no way he's getting a penny. The house will be left to DD outright when I die.

Sorry but I would never assume that my partners money was my own in the way you are describing. I think it's a huge red flag that he has made the assumption that you should put down 200k as a deposit and he should benefit from that.

Let's look at this a different way. That money is your daughters inheritance. Are you happy to gamble with 100k of her future inheritance or would you rather ring fence it and be assured that that money will one day be in bricks and mortar for her?

I might sound like a terrible pessimist but statistically many relationships fail. If I had worked long and hard for that money I would not be happy to lose it. My partner and his ex co owned a house but her family had helped her with a sizeable deposit and that money was ring fenced. When the house was sold it came back to get with half the quiet on top. My partner had no problem with that whatsoever and I would have thought less of him if he had.

I wouldn't do it - the fact he is complaining about you not sharing your money when he has none is worrying tbh.

If I were him I would be very happy that you were planning to use your money to allow me a home I couldn't otherwise afford, and would be insisting that you make sure it is kept as 'yours'. He isn't - that speaks volumes!

My Mum and her DH did similar - Mum put in 80% and he put in 20%. Not sure of the legal names for it all but the outcome is that she owns 80% and he owns 20%. So if the price goes up, they both win. If it goes down, they both lose. Either way, they get what they deserve.

Get a solicitor and get it sorted out clearly. If he can't understand why you don't trust him - that very fact is the reason. It suggests he isn't good with money or can't or won't understand the position you are in - neither one is very good imo.

Well done on saving so much too - that is amazing!

I would always protect the deposit if unequal.

In a loving committed relationship it wouldn't matter that the deposit belonged solely to the OP.

It's so hard. I earn twice as much as my dh and basically my income and bonuses will pay our considerable morta.ge off in 10 years instead of 25. He contributes a lot, but I get paid disproportionately well. However, on mat leave I have twice held my pension so at the end of the day I have less cash to hand. It bothers me.

We have a extremely happy marriage. But, never say never. If we ever get divorced I will end up with 50% but contributed over 75% financially and a much smaller pension. I want to fix it, but struggle to see best way.

*equity

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/Buying_and_selling/finding_a_place_to_buy/things_to_consider

Take legal advice, think about whether you're going to own it jointly or as tenants in common (which can be in unequal shares), don't ignore your instinct that this money should remain yours.

Tenants in common. That's the only way I'd do it. Your DP will still own the house as much as you do, but your deposit will be protected.

Many moons ago I had a deposit if 25k that my parents gave me on my first house with ex dp, the house was worth 55k, the conveyancing solicitor drew up the deeds as 25/55ths of the property belonged to me if we split (which we did ) and the rest to be split equally. I strongly suggest you do the same

Go with your gut instinct, that's a lot of money to just sign away half of it! Of course the house will be a family home owned by both of you but I can see why you're both frustrated by this!

We own different percentages of our house as I had a deposit and dp didn't, dp didn't have a problem with it and the solicitor sorted it out

Tenants in common is the phrase you need. This protects your share. However this would change should you get married so please seek legal advice.

YANBU to be wary.

The deposit for our current home came from equity in the flat my partner owned. Although we'd both had periods of being supported financially by the other, I offered him the chance to buy as tenants in common. Admittedly he knew I wasn't too chuffed about this option but at least it was considered. The deposit was smaller though.