To not want to give away half my money?

[givemeareason]

Me and my DP are about to buy a house together, the first time for both of us.

We are getting a mortgage, but I also have a hefty deposit to put down of 200k. This was not an inheritance, but money I earned and saved over the years - I'm mid thirties so have had a long time to save.

We have a DD together, and we are both committed to our relationship and family.

I am just not so keen to put the deposit down and then effectively have given away half of it if the worst happens and we do split.

DP thinks if I keep the deposit as 'mine' then we would be unequal partners in the relationship and he would be disadvantaged due to owning less of the house, if the house prices rose he would have less equity overall.

AIBU to want to keep my deposit as my own? I probably am.

Most definitely do not do this under any circumstances.The 'both share ' motto of the liberals is hokum.If possible,desirable or necessary,buy the house in your name only and whilst you are not married or in a civil partnership this offers some protection in the event of a slip up.

Daylillie, I wouldn't even be as generous as that! OP should be gaining all of the equity on the half that she paid for outright, plus half of the equity of the mortgaged chunk. We're looking at 75%.

When the government introduced its key worker scheme to help teachers and nurses etc buy houses, it lent people about 17% as a deposit. When you sold the property, you repaid the 17% back (so, on a £200k flat, they lent and you repaid £34k). However, they also took 17% of the equity too. So, if your flat then sold for £225,000 you had to give them £4250 of the £25k profit you made.

OPs partner has got it so good that he doesn't even know he's born. He wants 50% equity for owning 25% of a property and probably won't even pay half of the mortgage? Cheeky sod.

Just to add, Daylillie, I am not saying you felt that was fair and generous! I am agreeing!

I posted in relationships but I didn't do a very good job of explaining the situation.

He is meant to be leaving today. After a horrendous outburst from him today I asked him to leave. He has packed all his things up but is still here.

He's been crying, he doesn't have anywhere to go.

Not sure what to do. I know I can't have him here anymore, I don't want my DD to have to witness his meltdowns anymore or live in a house where there is so much tension.

You're doing so well. Keep calm and repeat he has to leave now.

Have you anyone local that could just co incidentally drop by, he may not be as inclined to carry on his drama shit with an outsider watching on.

Thanks I'm trying not to get into any further discussions with him. All I get is blame.

My dad is down the road, I will ask if he can come over - I'm sure he will if I tell him what's going on. My family don't like him very much, I hadn't really taken much notice of that before but I can really see where they are coming from.

I'm glad you have decided to kick him out. You'll have your moments of sadness and regret I'm sure - but I'm equally sure you can stay strong and come out the other side of this much happier.

[I didn't see your thread in relationships, sorry]

I'm glad your Dad is nearby, good idea to call him.

Tell cocklodger that you don't care where he goes, only that he goes. Tell him you will pack for him if he doesn't. Be firm.

Start looking at lovely cottages to buy for you and DD :) Not too far away from your parents though - they sound lovely.

Sorry, I missed the bit where he has already packed. Much simpler then, just open the door and say 'out'.

I;m not surprised he's crying. Sounds like him all over. Push him out the door. How much notice did you give him? He should have sorted something out. He needs to go. Don't give in.

Woo hoo! Well done, reason. I'd defo get your dad over and tell him the situation. Then when he's there go "oh yes, CL is just moving out, aren't you Mr lodger?" and he'll have to go

Get him out. Don't show any sign of allowing him to stay. You are not responsible for him; he's an adult and a cock-lodger from the sounds of it. Make sure you get all the keys back and stop any access he has to anything joint.

You have dodged a very large bullet. Phew!

Ahh yes the species otherwise known as the cockus lodgers
Dodged a bullet there op, no need to post in relationships you know the answer already. Get ya dad up and get him out, then go look for that dream cottage.

Believe it or not your in a very fortunate position, you've seen him for what he is, you've kept your hand on your purse so to speak, your very solvent and in a great place to pick and choose your future options. Get him out before the tears and emotional fuck witttery start, he earns decent money he needs to sort himself out, oh and pay you maintenance obviously.

Get your Dad over and make him leave.

Well done, erm he has family? Or give £50 to book a B&B for the night as a final pay off

Ah tears. Has he shown anger yet? Called you a bad mother? Suicide threat? Told you he isn't good enough for you? Told you you're gonna screw him through the csa? If not wait for it. The tears are usually to make you feel sorry for him, so you are the bad guy and he is the victim. The anger will come when the tears don't work. Suicide Is usually after he moves out.

Glad to see he has shown you his true colours prior to you buying the house. You are very lucky. I read a post this weekend where the op sold her house and bought with someone and is now in a very trick position - very sad. Also another op whose dh wants the inherited house putting in just his dw name - lovely to read.

Good luck op.

Well he's still here. Leaving in the morning supposedly. My dad couldn't come round and I didn't want any more drama whilst DD is in the house. My mum will be coming round in the morning to walk DD whilst he leaves, so he can scream, shout and cry as much as he likes then.

He has said I've ruined his life, that he can't I without seeing DD every day. Endless tears, nose blowing, violent sickness (I suspect this was put on similar to last time), and yes just general making me feel bad (or at least trying).

I haven't tried enough for DD, it's all my fault this is happening, he is the victim, I'm an evil cow who has set out to keep him away from his daughter. I must have planned it all along.

It's exhausting, but what's keeping me sane is knowing I am doing the right thing and his dramatics only help to reassure me further.

I hate him. His outburst today was disgusting. I can't wait for him to leave so that me and DD can be happy every day in a calm, no drama environment.

Thanks for all the kind and wise words. It helps

Sending lots of strength to you.

Keep going, not long now. Thinking of you and your lovely DD. What a brilliant strong role model you will be for her. Well done.

What a drama queen he is! You are so well rid.

Keep a firm grip on things until he has gone and then relax and breathe a huge sigh of relief.

He is responsible for his behaviour and for himself. Do not accept any of his blame.

Well done you- lucky escape.

Well done, you are immensely brave and are doing the right thing. It is often so easy to just drift into things but you have refused to do this and are now looking forward to a life with you and your daughter. Best of luck

I have just skim read this thread.

Thank God you did post your thoughts on here. While a horrible time at the moment seems you did have a very lucky escape. Hopefully he goes like a grown up tomorrow

What a lucky escape. Best of luck in the morning, hope he retains some dignity.

Are you OK there with him, he wont do anything stupid will he? If you are at all worried you should call the police, they'll come and make him leave. I'm a bit worried about you.

Thinking of you