To not want to give away half my money?

[givemeareason]

Me and my DP are about to buy a house together, the first time for both of us.

We are getting a mortgage, but I also have a hefty deposit to put down of 200k. This was not an inheritance, but money I earned and saved over the years - I'm mid thirties so have had a long time to save.

We have a DD together, and we are both committed to our relationship and family.

I am just not so keen to put the deposit down and then effectively have given away half of it if the worst happens and we do split.

DP thinks if I keep the deposit as 'mine' then we would be unequal partners in the relationship and he would be disadvantaged due to owning less of the house, if the house prices rose he would have less equity overall.

AIBU to want to keep my deposit as my own? I probably am.

[Strokethefurrywall]

HOpe you're ok OP - you're doing wonderfully and we're all rooting for you.

[sykadelic]

Any updates OP?

[Freebirdy]

Op, where are you? I hope you're ok.

[ssd]

are you ok op?

[givemeareason]

Hi, I'm so sorry for the lack of update.

I am very pleased to report that he has finally gone. As of about 10am this morning. I'm exhausted, sad for DD (even though its for the best of course) and questioning myself as he said some shitty things to me. But I'll get over it.

[Piccarcas]

I suppose that was a given as he has lost, in so many ways. Congratulations on seeing this through to this point and all the very best to you and your family for this new and exciting phase of your life.

[satsumasunrise]

Thank God, I was getting worried for you op.

Well done and enjoy your new life.

[Suefla62]

Thanks for the update. Glad that he's finally gone. Best of luck to you and DD in your new life together.

[starlight1234]

Glad he has gone and you are ok.

He said the shitty things as he is mad at you for not sharing £200 K with him and continuing to give him a free ride.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Remember that he is an inadequate, lazy, selfish tosser and his opinion doesn't matter. Onwards and upwards!

[Strokethefurrywall]

The future is so much brighter for you now OP, never question yourself - breathe in that free air and get busy making plans that put a smile on your face

Congratulations!

[monsterowl]

Just caught up with this thread. So glad you are finally shot of this guy OP - you can focus on your lovely daughter now!

As a general comment, and having read quite a few of the relationship-based posts on here recently (as well as posted one myself, under a different name), it's really striking how a MN discussion helps people think more clearly. OP was considering buying a house with her ex just over 10 days ago, and now she's ended the relationship and he's moved out, and it all seems to be completely what she wanted all along. I too was able to clarify my thoughts a lot as a result of posting my own thread (which isn't to say that all the posters were right - far from it in many cases!). MN and similar sites are a bit of a guilty pleasure, but this sort of thing shows that it should be, really ... it's actually really helpful to have this sort of community. Well done guys and gals :)

[Judo123]

Just put the 200k down as a deposit. You should have faith in the relationship. It will be fine.

[BeCool]

well done OP - he took his time, you stood your ground and got the results you wanted. Very admirable and inspiring.

You'll be full of energy again very soon!

[monsterowl]

Oh dear, Judo!

[hellsbellsmelons]

LOL Judo the best case of RTFT I've seen yet!!!

Well done OP.
You followed through.
Keep strong and keep going.
You and your DD will be so much happier very soon.
You can now secure your futures without this leech attached to you.

[bloodyteenagers]

Omg, don't you just love it when someone cannot be bothered to I don't know, read a thread before making a tit of themselves.

Op, you deserve a lot better than this scrounging man child. Good luck with the house hunting

[monsterowl]

To be fair to Judo, the thread is very long and has jumped back into the 'active' list. Probably only the first page came up when she clicked on it.

[ssd]

Judo, have you just recently separated from your dw and dd ??

[BeCool]

Judo that is a classic post - gave me a massive laugh.
Sorry love, but you are way off track with that advice.

monster I don't think it's so much that she didn't RTFT, but that her advice is so very wayyyyyy off track.

[Judo123]

I didn't read the thread I just answered the question.

[monsterowl]

LOL at ssd

BeCool Well, I don't remotely agree with the advice she gave, but OP asked for opinions and Judo gave hers, so fair's fair ...

[Singmetosleepzzz]

Well done, you are bloody brave. I hope you are feeling ok, ignore his comments, he said whatever he could think of because he had nothing to lose. Rise above it and look for a beautiful little cottage for you are your daughter - you deserve it because you have worked bloody hard for it

[FantasticButtocks]

A lovely little cottage for you and your DD is next on the agenda then OP, excellent choice