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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Still no thank you letter from friend for wedding present after 3 months...

304 replies

carolineannabel22 · 09/08/2014 09:12

For some random reason I realised last night that we still haven't had a thank you card from a good friend for her wedding present. She got married in May.

AIBU in that I think that's totally unacceptable? I wrote ours the week after we got back from honeymoon... I know that was keen but I knew if i didn't do it then, I'd never do it!!

OP posts:
Lweji · 09/08/2014 09:17

Did she thank you personally?
Maybe she lost it? Maybe it got lost in the post?

Do you think that's important?

Meanwhile entertain yourself with the HIMYM episode about the wedding present episode.

Lottiedoubtie · 09/08/2014 09:19

Yes, not ideal but hardly worth getting worked up over.

microcosmia · 09/08/2014 09:28

I have received thank you cards from couples up to a year after the wedding. I'd think nothing of it.

PorkPieandPickle · 09/08/2014 09:28

If she's a good friend surely you wouldn't be judging her?
I'm sure there's an etiquette to these things, but I couldn't really give two hoots myself, the last time I think about a present is when I give it!

microcosmia · 09/08/2014 09:28

I have received thank you cards from couples up to a year after the wedding. I'd think nothing of it.

burgatroyd · 09/08/2014 09:33

I am from a different culture where we do not write formal thank you cards. In fact I am now only encountering this when I moved into a village. Now I force myself to write thank you cards so I don't seem like a rude git. I wouldn't think anything of it if someone didn't write a thank you card to me.

Then again there are different things that make my teeth itch

flyingtrue · 09/08/2014 09:34

I think etiquette wise they have up to six months given honeymooning, work and possible other things going on in their lives. If you don't get one, that's rude but I would rather wait for one. The ones I've received after moths have had lovely personal messages, one even had a photo of the B&G in front.

The one I received right after their honeymoon was a generic printed 'thank you for coming and your gift' and given that it was for a very close friend (now family member) who myself and several others had done a lot for we were hurt we hadn't even got a little message or anything. The cards were just printed one liners and while they came quick they pretty much fell flat for everyone because so many people had put thought and efforts into gifts.

So really the B&G can't win. I'm sure some people wouldn't care about a one liner printed as long as they got it quickly. Whereas for myself I was happy to wait because even if it was a few lines in a card, those thank yous felt heartfelt and personal-rather then an duty.

So YABU to think it's unacceptable. YANBU to be annoyed, as my DH now is that he's realised he never received one for a wedding 4 years ago, if you don't get anything. Did they text/call/email or thank you face to face?

FruVikingessOla · 09/08/2014 09:34

I think three months is just 'inside acceptable', but I guess I would start to wonder whether it had gone missing.

I recently gave some gift vouchers to a friend getting married (as in, I handed them over in person, 6 days before the wedding which we weren't going to) and he wrote me a thank you card that same day Grin

redexpat · 09/08/2014 09:38

I was depressed after or wedding. Couldnt face it. There was a lot of stress and people who tried to do nice things added to it. Plus it took 6 weeks to get a photo card printed.

CurlsLDN · 09/08/2014 09:44

I can't remember how long it took me to get thankyou cards done, but I got pregnant on honeymoon and spent the following three months dreadfully sick, so there can be circumstances in the way!

Mmeh · 09/08/2014 09:47

Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned but I do think that a lack of acknowledgement for your gift is rude and entitled. I don't care if I sound judgey, but I do notice these things.

LaurieMarlow · 09/08/2014 09:49

Etiquette gives them a six month timeframe, so yes YABU to be upset right now. And I agree with flyingtrue, I'd prefer a personalised note than a generic 1 line thank you - that's going to take more time, especially if it was a big wedding.

If you haven't received anything in 3 months time then yes, that's rude.

PlacidApricots · 09/08/2014 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dizzywizz · 09/08/2014 09:50

My friend got married 6 or 7 years ago, we never got a thank you or a card!

CoffeeTea103 · 09/08/2014 09:50

I think you need to get over it. I had about 350 people at my wedding and no way was I going to send a personal thank you for each gift.
I'm sure the couple have more important things to do.

Mmeh · 09/08/2014 09:50

And btw, I do know it is hard work to send out fifty-odd personalised thank you notes, so I wouldn't expect one straight away, so within 3 months, possibly 6 months in the case of exceptional circumstances is acceptable to me. My thoughts are that if you can be bothered enough to sort out your wedding and honeymoon, surely you can be bothered enough to thank the people that attended and brought you gifts?

Thenapoleonofcrime · 09/08/2014 09:57

I just don't care about thank you cards at all, happy to leave my gift at the wedding and hope they had fun with it. Why do you need a formal thank you? This is what I hate about formal weddings (drags on for six months afterwards).

ScrambledEggAndToast · 09/08/2014 10:00

I've had nothing from my sister either and she got married on the 28th of June plus she went on honeymoon for a month last week so I guess nothing now for the foreseeable. I do think it's a bit rude tbh, at least a mass email to everyone would be nice as a bit of recognition.

Noodledoodledoo · 09/08/2014 10:01

Still waiting for some Thank yous after 10 years. Not fussed how its done but acknowledgement of a gift does show consideration. To be fair tends to influence choice of later gift giving for me.

melissa83 · 09/08/2014 10:05

I dont get why you would care about this. When you see them they will say thanks.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/08/2014 10:11

Why did this suddenly pop into your head?

Have you seen her since the wedding, what did you get them?

Redhead11 · 09/08/2014 10:16

I have yet to receive a thank you of any kind for the wedding gift i gave my ex-SIL almost 2 years ago. When i got married almost 30 years ago, i sat down and wrote thank you cards when each gift arrived. There were others that i wrote after i came back from my honeymoon. A face-to-face thank you is fine, but i would expect a personal note as well. It isn't difficult to do and anything else is just pure bad manners.

however · 09/08/2014 10:23

Has her husband sent you a thank you card?

Or is it her job to write them?

Greyhound · 09/08/2014 10:38

Rude not to send a thank you. I would be irked too.

Pancakeflipper · 09/08/2014 10:48

A couple of years ago I went to a wedding of an acquaintance. Took gift, handed it to the wedding organiser who whisked all gifts to a room for the bride and groom to collect the next day.

I never had a thank you card. Didn't think much of it until a year later mutual friend asked the bride if that liked the gift she bought them. It had irked the mutual friend.

Turns out the gift had not been received. I know it was whisked away the same time my gift was.

I don't know if my gift joined the 'missing' and the bridal party think I am right rude cow who goes to weddings giftless/ ignoring pleading poems....

Does the bride look at me each time we meet thinking "tight cow, came and ate the 5 course meal, drank the champers, and not an egg cup."

So I think it's rude to not acknowledge a gift by card/face to face/ text etc...