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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Still no thank you letter from friend for wedding present after 3 months...

304 replies

carolineannabel22 · 09/08/2014 09:12

For some random reason I realised last night that we still haven't had a thank you card from a good friend for her wedding present. She got married in May.

AIBU in that I think that's totally unacceptable? I wrote ours the week after we got back from honeymoon... I know that was keen but I knew if i didn't do it then, I'd never do it!!

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 09/08/2014 23:55

Yeah, but that doesn't mean the receiver shouldn't acknowledge the gift with a "thank you". How long does it take to send a text to that effect - 30 seconds?

SirChenjin · 09/08/2014 23:57

My cousins Morphine - to this day I've no idea if one received the money I sent her for her 21st, or the other received the money I sent for his 40th? Maybe I should have asked them, but hey, it's about all the receiver and not the giver, eh?!

theendoftheendoftheend · 09/08/2014 23:57

I wouldn't expect one TBH, it seems a bit out dated to me. Though nice none the less if I did get one. If it was peesonal. Generic ones are just bin fodder.

theendoftheendoftheend · 09/08/2014 23:58

*or personal!

MorphineDreams · 10/08/2014 00:01

Ack no that's ignorant sirchen they should have acknowledged your generosity! I wouldn't dream of accepting something without a thankyou. I might not so cards and letters but a thankyou is a must!

MorphineDreams · 10/08/2014 00:02

Not do* that should say

SirChenjin · 10/08/2014 00:04

Totally agree. A card or letter is lovely to receive, just because it makes a nice change to get something personal through the post that isn't a bill - but text/email/phone call is also fine. To just not acknowledge what you receive is ignorant.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 10/08/2014 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorphineDreams · 10/08/2014 00:08

I'm glad letters aren't a thing because I really can't afford postage! Sounds bad but I really can't. Although I've just found some lovely 'thank you' printables online (because of tis thread) that I think I'd give out in future! As well as me giving them a hug Grin

PetulaGordino · 10/08/2014 00:20

Morphine I'm in my 20s too. For birthday presents for example I would send my siblings a thank you text / email, speak to parents on the phone, send Grannie and godmother a nice card / letter - whatever suits best

If I were getting married I would send thank you letters/cards for any presents afterwards

MorphineDreams · 10/08/2014 00:22

Must just be different groups of people petula then if it's not age. I do think the idea of cards and letters is nice though.

TheFirmament · 10/08/2014 00:30

I hate people getting het up about getting a thank you card, it makes me wish I hadn't had the present. I do try to do it if it's a more formal situation, but really, if you give me a present and require a written thank you in the post, your "present" to me is adding time-consuming admin to my already overwhelming pile of stuff to do. A text should be fine and nothing should be fine if you said thank you in person.

We got a facebook message from the last couple we gave a wedding present to - it was lovely and heartfelt, I didn't mind at all.

In fact if someone doesn't thank me at all I feel quite happy as it means they're not going to be the type to expect it from me.

PetulaGordino · 10/08/2014 00:32

I don't expect anything from anyone else though

Nanny0gg · 10/08/2014 00:52

If someone has gone to the trouble of getting you a nice present or done something kind for you then surely the least you can do is acknowledge that by saying thank you.

Not on MN...

Most wedding presents aren't given directly to the bride and groom (years ago they would be given before the day), they're plonked on a table (along with the postbox for money!) so there isn't a Thanks at the time.

And for those that say that the Thank You is evolving - no it's not.

It's just that people today can't be arsed. It really, really doesn't take that much time or effort to show your appreciation, but why the hell should you bother? It's time consuming, a faff, too much effort etc etc.

And in my view a text or Fb message is not good enough. The time can be found.

chandalier · 10/08/2014 00:59

Op there are some ignorant comments on here. Feel sorry for you having to read them. Unfortunately brides these days are all me, me, me. (I work with them every Saturday). No wonder most of them come down to earth with a bump after the wedding. You may get a thank you in the end but it looks doubtful.
Just ask, when you next see her, to see if she liked/has used her present and then let that be it. Don't forget to run a mile when the first baby is born/christened or the cycle will likely start all over again.

MorphineDreams · 10/08/2014 01:02

And for those that say that the Thank You is evolving - no it's not
Obviously it is if it's not the done thing in circles anymore. I'm very polite, say thankyou face to face and via messages. But I can't remember the last time I sent a message through the post.

slithytove · 10/08/2014 01:07

I sent thank you cards about three months after our wedding. Ordered them and wrote them with no involvement from DH, and it wasn't just about the gift, it was about the huge effort some people made to get to our wedding without a massive amount of notice.

Each card had about an a5 page worth of writing, all personal, not quickly dashed out. I think I sent about 30 in the end.

It is only polite after something big like a wedding. Birthdays, I think an in person thank you or a phone call suffices.

slithytove · 10/08/2014 01:08

And this was less than 2 years ago and we are late 20's.

Also sent out thank you cards when we got new baby gifts for DS.

ICanSeeTheSun · 10/08/2014 01:25

I never got 1 thanks after my wedding.

slithytove · 10/08/2014 01:55

Oh, I received no thanks from guests, I wouldn't expect that as it was them doing me a favour coming and sharing in our celebration.

am a bit disappointed I didn't get a thank you card from the friends I made a 3 tier wedding cake for which took about 3 days

Marnierose · 10/08/2014 02:09

Shocked at the number of people who don't think it's necessary. Of course you should get a thank you letter.

The poster who had 350 guests therefore couldn't be bothered, Im pleased that your guests made the effort to attend your special day!

I think I would wait another couple of months op. It was our biggest priority though so I understand where you are coming from

fizzylime · 10/08/2014 04:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyCybilCrawley · 10/08/2014 05:20

People are human
Sometimes they forget or life takes over

For me I did most as soon as I could (2 to 3 weeks) but some cards were lost and we couldn't track down the source of the present - we had asked for no presents at all so really only about half the guests gave us a present - it was hard to track down the missing givers without sounding awful and grabby because I didn't want to ask

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 10/08/2014 06:15

I'm astonished at how much importance people place of a piece of card that is set to go in the bin as soon as it's received. Why do people need a written, formal thank you? It smacks of ishoooos to me, like people wanna congratulate themselves on what an amazing friend/family member they've been acknowledged to be.

Having said that not even a verbal thank you or text/email is rude IMO but I wouldn't personally get offended by it.

It reminds me of when my nan went to wedding a few years ago, she still frequently talked (until her death earlier this year) about how they didn't get a written thank you, and her and my grandad gave them an "extremely generous" sum of money as a gift. On further probing, after hearing this for years, I found out they given the whopping amount of £30 Grin

Peanut15 · 10/08/2014 06:34

I can't believe so few people send written thank yous these days. Were you not all made to sit there on Boxing Day writing out your thank yous to the grannies/aunts/uncles?!

I have never been to a wedding without receiving a written thank you letter or card afterwards. If I didn't receive one I would judge - If I've spent £50 ish odd quid on them I want to know that they received it ok. It's also manners - I've gone to effort of choosing something I'll think they'll like - call me old fashioned but I think that requires a thank you.

Yes, I will judge a thank you too. I'd find a text or Facebook lazy and far too short. The thank you'd I did for our wedding were like the poster above at least an a5 size piece of
Paper full if thanks, chat about the wedding and/or honeymoon. My aunt spent a lot of money on a big part of a dinner service for us - a text in that scenario would have been not just inappropriate but rude. At a push a phone call or email is acceptable. However, there is nothing nicer than receiving something by snail mail.

I also sent thank you notes for presents after our sons birth. We had presents from some random people we were quite surprised about and were touched that they had gone to quite a lot of thought and effort.

My little boy will be writing his thank yous as soon as he's able. I think it's teaches a lot of good skills and manners.

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