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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Still no thank you letter from friend for wedding present after 3 months...

304 replies

carolineannabel22 · 09/08/2014 09:12

For some random reason I realised last night that we still haven't had a thank you card from a good friend for her wedding present. She got married in May.

AIBU in that I think that's totally unacceptable? I wrote ours the week after we got back from honeymoon... I know that was keen but I knew if i didn't do it then, I'd never do it!!

OP posts:
Lottiedoubtie · 09/08/2014 13:04

I got married 3 years ago and I thanked everyone within 6 weeks. Not bad given as I also had a honeymoon, moved house, and started a new job in that time. Wink

But it isn't a competition. And not getting one within 3 months doesn't mean it isn't coming.

And if the couple have genuinely forgotten, well that's not great but it's hardly something to lose sleep over.

ithoughtofitfirst · 09/08/2014 13:04

hmc Grin

ilovesooty · 09/08/2014 13:06

It doesn't have to be a card but if you've received no thanks at all you are absolutely not bu.

ThrowAChickenInTheAir · 09/08/2014 13:15

I'm with you op. I think it's rude but I just accept these days that people often just don't bother (whilst thinking Hmmto myself).

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/08/2014 13:16

What present did you get them?

Anotheronesoon · 09/08/2014 13:22

We sent all 175 guests a personal thankyou card and received loads of thank you cards from guests ( well my parents did) saying what a lovely day they had had. I have always sent thank you cards after a wedding and have always received thank you cards from bride and grooms - apart from twice when we went to less posh dos- and then we didn't get thank you cards for our gifts. We still wrote and thanked them for a nice day though- it's only polite , and the done thing in our social circle.

specialsubject · 09/08/2014 13:29

I think it is rude not to thank people for a gift. Card, email, letter, even a phone call. As long as one of those happens, fine - but none at all is rude unless there is a VERY good reason.

doesn't matter how many people were at the wedding. They made the effort to come, you make the effort to thank them.

5toocoolforschool · 09/08/2014 13:33

Ive never done thank you letters,not for anything,just not something we have ever done.

cardibach · 09/08/2014 13:34

I don't think there are many people saying it is OK not to say thank you at all (although some, reasonably I think, say they wouldn't be mortally offended by not getting one) just that cards are not necessary.

ilovesooty · 09/08/2014 13:37

I was brought up to write them. Acknowledging gifts is basic manners. These days it can be by text or email etc if I think if you haven't thanked someone face to face or by phone a writte thank you in some form is necessary.

BeckyBusto · 09/08/2014 14:02

Racism is totally unacceptable.

Not sending thanks for a wedding present is a bit off, but I'd get over it.

Did you give them something shit?

angeltulips · 09/08/2014 14:07

Gosh this is making me feel guilty - it took us about 4-5 months to get all our thank you cards out. In our defence, it took awhile to get the cards done as we used a professional photo on the front (photos took 7 weeks to arrive for us as we got married abroad so had to be posted plus photog went on hols directly after our wedding) and then it took a couple of weeks to get the cards printed. We also put a couple of photos of each guest in the card (as "normal" photos) so everyone had a couple of nice pics of themselves as a memento and it took awhile to go through them all.

BUT - but but but - I was equally surprised at how few tha k you cards WE received. I have always written a quick note post weddings that I have attended as a guest, and thought this was the norm. We got 2 cards out of 100 people!

KoalaDownUnder · 09/08/2014 14:14

It's rude, especially because wedding gifts aren't handed directly to the recipient; if you don't get a thank you card, you're left not knowing whether they received the gift at all.

I haven't had a thank-you card for the past two weddings I went to (both of which were years ago). I don't lose sleep over it or anything, but I do think it's rude.

Neverknowingly · 09/08/2014 14:15

what would you do with the card? Personally I would bin it immediately so I really do not see the point.

Did you send a thank you card for the wedding invitstion/meal/breakfast? What do you think the relevant costs were of present to price per guest of hosting the wedding?

Salmotrutta · 09/08/2014 14:31

I got married over 30 years ago and it was good manners to send thank you notes then.

I wrote notes as soon as we received a gift in the lead up to the wedding and sent them straight off - so I wasn't faced with a mountain of notes at once.

Mind you this was before "registration at big shops" when people gave you gifts in the weeks before the wedding.

We did receive some gifts on the day but I wrote notes for them right after the honeymoon.

Things are different now though and we've often not received a thank you at all after buying a gift off a shop list.

I think that's very rude even given that it probably takes time between the gift register closing and the couple finding out who gave them what.

Salmotrutta · 09/08/2014 14:33

Mind you, I'd rather not receive a gift at all than see a generic "Thank You" notice placed in the local paper - which at least one couple did...

I thought that was lazy and rude.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 09/08/2014 15:41

I don't mind how I'm thanked, verbally, text, FB message, whatever, it's nice to be thanked, but I can't say I'd be bothered if someone didn't. We did generic cards (ie not personalised ones) with a handwritten note, but it did take a while and we only had 50 people to the wedding so I can imagine it could take some time if you had a big wedding. I'm another one who reads and bins, so the personalised ones are a bit wasted on me. I don't think anyone sent a card thanking us for inviting them and I've never sent one either.

MorphineDreams · 09/08/2014 15:41

Wouldn't even occur to me to be honest.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/08/2014 15:44

WHAT PRESENT DID YOU BUY THEM Grin

Sorry to shout but I've asked twice and so has someone else , come on spill the beans caroline

ilovesooty · 09/08/2014 15:47

While it might be interesting to know what the present was I don't think it's relevant to the recipient's lack of manners.

mrscog · 09/08/2014 15:48

I think up to 6 months is acceptable tbh - especially if the couple work FT, and if they're writing proper notes/letters to everyone. I absolutely hate thank you cards which say To Mrs Cog, thank you for the wedding gift, love from The Happy Couple. It took a total of 5 months to get ours done (and I started 2 weeks after the wedding) but everyone got a personalised letter thanking them for attending, and the gift along with a comment about why it was great.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/08/2014 15:51

I wouldn't be overly miffed if someone didn't send me one, life's too short for too much miffiness.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/08/2014 15:52

I couldn't give a toss tbh.

Organising weddings and honey moons and rearranging the house to fit twenty toasters, five pizza stones and thirteen saucepan sets, after people decide to prove a point and not send money that was requested instead must be stressful enough without sitting down and writing hundreds of thank you notes for people who should know them well enough to know they would be grateful.

Some people seem to like making big deals out of nothing clearly.

Way overthinking things.

Roussette · 09/08/2014 16:09

Well I would be seriously miffed. It's the not caring that gets me. I went to a family wedding late June, I spent quite a bit on a pressie from a list. It cost a fair bit for us as a family to go what with outfits and overnight accommodation but that's irrelevant really I had the most delightful handwritten card thanking me for the present and I really appreciated it.

To me... not even thanking someone for a gift that you have given with thought (and lots of dosh) is very rude and is a symptom of how materialistic and grabbing we have got as a society. old gimmer talking. obviously.

However, I would accept thanks by any means... email, written letter, text even so I am not that pedantic Grin

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/08/2014 16:16

To me... not even thanking someone for a gift that you have given with thought (and lots of dosh) is very rude and is a symptom of how materialistic and grabbing we have got as a society

See I don't think that. I think that people are far more attention seeking and demanding with it all and it's off putting so no one bothers any more.

For instance, take a birthday party. Kid says thanks, parents say thanks. If a card isnt received in a week we moan. If a text is sent, we moan. Of an email is sent, we moan. Despite various verbal thanks and obvious signs of appreciation, of anything other than an essay, photo and bespoke written card turns up on our foresters within three days it's "rude, grabby, too generic etc.

Not only do we demand eternal thanks from absolutely everyone it has to be a certain way or it's all wrong and subject to lengthy AIBU threads.

Too much.