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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Still no thank you letter from friend for wedding present after 3 months...

304 replies

carolineannabel22 · 09/08/2014 09:12

For some random reason I realised last night that we still haven't had a thank you card from a good friend for her wedding present. She got married in May.

AIBU in that I think that's totally unacceptable? I wrote ours the week after we got back from honeymoon... I know that was keen but I knew if i didn't do it then, I'd never do it!!

OP posts:
milkysmum · 09/08/2014 16:16

Oh dear I didn't give out any written thank you cards after our wedding and that was 9 years ago! Neither have I ever received one. I wouldn't worry about it to be honest

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/08/2014 16:16

Foresters? Bloody iPhone

Doorstep.

ilovesooty · 09/08/2014 16:20

If you've thanked someone at a birthday party in person I don't see why you'd need to send a card as well.

Roussette · 09/08/2014 16:48

Giles some may feel like that but not me.. any sort of thanks would be appreciated whether it be by text, email, letter or whatever. It's just an acknowledgement I think.

I wouldn't worry on the child's present at the party if it has been verbally thanked (although my DCs used to do a note too but they aren't young anymore so things have changed) But if you've spent £100 plus for a wedding present, I would expect just something... anything!

ICanSeeTheSun · 09/08/2014 16:57

I didn't do thank you cards, but got onto the mic at the reception and thanked everyone verbally and also said thank you after every card and gift.

EvenBetter · 09/08/2014 17:10

If someone gets you a gift, you thank them, if they fork out to celebrate your life choices as well as give you a gift it is extremely rude to not send thank you cards, saying thanks at the time does not count. Someone I used to be friends with didn't bother her hole sending thank you cards after demanding cash off her guests because she couldn't remember who gave us what... Rude. (She's no longer my friend for a number of reasons, not just lack of manners)

'Dear X, thank you so much for the pleasure of your company on our wedding day/it was great to see you/and thank you for our beautiful whatever/generous, thoughtful whatever' not difficult, but might result in the person actually wanting to give you a gift again in the future.

Roussette · 09/08/2014 18:01

I agree Even The lovely thank you letter I had for my (quite big) wedding gift this year really warmed the cockles of my heart Grin. It was thoughtful, kind and personal. Compare that to no acknowledgement at all... no contest.

Yes of course it takes time to write individually but a wedding is also about the guests and their care, time and generosity.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 09/08/2014 18:26

According to Debrett's a couple have up to twelve months to write and send thank you notes after the wedding.

3 months isn't a long time - it's not acceptable to fail to write a thank you note at all, but give your friend a bit longer!

FryOneFatManic · 09/08/2014 18:31

I really don't understand why the emphasis on written thank-yous. If I give someone heartfelt thanks in person, then don't see the point in sending a written thank you.

Writing down the same thank you I give in person doesn't make it more heartfelt or genuine.

A thank you is a thank you, however delivered.

Roussette · 09/08/2014 18:36

But Fry aren't we talking about no thank you at all. I think with a wedding present, if someone rang me up and chatted and they thanked me warmly, I would be fine with that, it's just I wouldn't be happy with no acknowledgement at all.

Joysmum · 09/08/2014 18:38

I don't do thank you cards, much prefer to say thanks in person and give a big hug.

PrimalLass · 09/08/2014 18:39

It is just another piece of paper that would go into the bin. All these bloody unnecessary cards are so unenvironmental.

Joysmum · 09/08/2014 18:41

Tbh I think sending cards is getting rather old fashioned. I don't send many at all.

mynewpassion · 09/08/2014 18:44

I don't sit around and check my lists to see if someone sent me a thank you note for a gift so no, it wouldn't bother me at all.

Heck, I don't even bother opening the thank you note.

merlehaggard · 09/08/2014 18:45

If I had given a wedding gift, receiving a thank you wouldn't even be in my mind. I'm sure I wrote them out after mine as would have known the procedure but that was 23 years ago. Now, the procedure had been forgotten but I know friends well enough to know they would be grateful and don't need that in writing,

pissedglitter · 09/08/2014 18:48

I thanked each person/couple as they handed over the gift/card
I never sent notes as I had thanked them in person
I have never sent one from myself or the children, I find it old fashioned

sillystring · 09/08/2014 18:49

I got one 18 months after the wedding. We weren't even that friendly anymore.

StrawbsAndCream · 09/08/2014 18:49

I've just finished sending out our thank you cards, 3 months exactly after our wedding. Had to wait for them to arrive (personalised with our wedding pics on so had to wait for the photographer first) as I'd ordered them off the internet. Then had to find envelopes to fit, then wrote individual thank you messages in all 115 of them! So glad I don't have to do that ever again! Grin
Have also had a lot to do since, combined with a bit of a stressful pregnancy so maybe give them a bit longer.
Or perhaps they just aren't doing them, the past couple of weddings we've been to we haven't received one. I think it's just personal choice nowadays.

LEMmingaround · 09/08/2014 18:50

Really? This bothers you?

flowery · 09/08/2014 18:57

"I would be offended at receiving a text message or phone call."

Good grief. It must be very wearing being so easily offended that you'd take umbrage at a friend ringing you to thank you personally for a gift you'd given them.

cees · 09/08/2014 18:57

I bet her and her dh would have thanked people on the day through speeches and mingling. It's not something that would offend me.

rallytog1 · 09/08/2014 19:13

My brother got married 3 years ago. I'm still waiting for a thank you card for the gift (and the fact we ended up doing all the clearing up when he commanded is to, because his groomsmen all got too drunk to do it)

FryOneFatManic · 09/08/2014 22:47

Roussette Some posters on this thread seem to feel a thank you card is a must, even if thanks have been given personally. And I do know one or two older people in my family feel the same.

But etiquette is evolving, despite efforts by people to follow Debretts to the letter. All the new technology, and the changes in where and how we live, our lifestyles, etc, all combine to mean that what is considered to be good manners is changing. And not necessarily for the worse.

Noodledoodledoo · 09/08/2014 23:00

I find it sad people think courtesy is old fashioned. Personal thanks are fine so are texts or emails but a generic announcement at a party or a status on facebook is not.

As I have said before makes me think twice about giving gifts subsequently.

SirChenjin · 09/08/2014 23:04

A "thank you" (for all the time, effort and money you put into choosing the present and coming to my wedding which would have cost you) is simple, basic manners. Whether you do that by phone, text, email or letter is up to you, but it's rude not to do any of those.