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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset - wedding guest related.

186 replies

BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 08:41

Yesterday we were at a wedding of BIL and his partner. DS (2 yrs) and DD (1yr) were page boy and bridesmaid - not the only ones. DH and DSIL were witnesses.

It was in France so first civil ceremony, then church. The civil was important, not just bureaucracy.

So, DH and kids, DSIL and her husband who was taking photos for the ceremony and DMIL and DFIL and I all arrive together. We're running late. It starts raining and we've got to walk about 500 metres to get to the ceremony. Everybody had umbrellas, apart from DH and I (didn't have any with us as when we packed to leave, it was supposed to be sunny). Everyone was standing outside, with umbrellas or under the lid of the boot sheltering. I realised the time and that they would be really late if they didn't leave then, so said I'd wait with DD (no rain cover for buggy) until it stopped raining then come up. DH hesitated, the rest turned and went.

Up until here, I have no problem.

By the time they arrived at the registry office (equivalent) the rain was harder and it was clear that it wasn't about to stop any time soon.

I ended up staying in the car with DD for the whole ceremony. There was absolutely no way we could come without coats or umbrellas.

I think that it would have been considerate to ask someone in the extended family to nip down with some umbrellas so we could join, when it was clear that the rain wasn't going to stop. They'd have missed 10 mins max of the ceremony if they'd come when DH etc arrived. They did ask someone in extended family (DH couldn't leave after the ceremony apparently) to come after the ceremony had finished.

So WIBU to be a bit upset at being left in the car? DH says I volunteered, so how did they know I didn't want to be in the car Confused and I think that having driven 10 hours to get here with two young children, it was obvious that sitting in the car alone with DD wasn't my plan.

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/08/2014 08:46

Don't understand how it was possible to get ds there but not dd. Maybe they thought she was unhappy after travelling or napping or didn't realise that the rain was still so heavy that you felt you couldn't get out.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 07/08/2014 08:47

I'm not sure why your DH couldn't have borrowed an umbrella and come back for you.

ApocalypseThen · 07/08/2014 08:47

They probably just weren't that focussed on you.

HatieKokpins · 07/08/2014 08:49

I can see why you're annoyed that no one thought to do it, but you did say you'd stay in the car till it stopped raining!

feelslikeshit · 07/08/2014 08:52

I think YABU unreasonable for suggesting everyone else go ahead to see the wedding and then be annoyed when they did, and for wanting a relative to miss part of the ceremony.

I don't understand why your DH didn't borrow an umbrella from a relative and then you could all have huddled under one and made your way to the office.

I'd chalk it up to experience and bring umbrellas and a rain cover next time.

LindyHemming · 07/08/2014 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWinnibago · 07/08/2014 08:59

I also fail to see why DH didn't go, then return with an umbrella and also why DS got to go but not DD!

Oriunda · 07/08/2014 09:00

The civil ceremony in France is quite short (at least the one I attended was) so 10mins is a reasonable chunk to miss and tbh it was your BIL so not a direct family member of yours. Who would you suggest should have missed out on part of their family's wedding to come down with umbrellas just because you forgot or decided not to pack (especially as the others all seem to have brought one)? I certainly wouldn't have expected your DH to miss part of his brother's wedding so understand why he didn't come - I guess after there were photos or stuff to be signed?. Also you were running late in the first place which wouldn't have helped.

I think really YABU. I would have just made the dash with the buggy like the rest rather than waited it out. Or could you have texted your DH to ask him to send someone?

CoffeeTea103 · 07/08/2014 09:01

Yanbu, it would have taken your DH a few minutes to get an umbrella and come back. I would be very angry if my DH just left me there, and he wouldn't. It's obvious you didn't mean that you'd stay the entire time in the car.

noblegiraffe · 07/08/2014 09:02

Why did you say you would wait until the rain stopped instead of asking to borrow an umbrella?

Forgettable · 07/08/2014 09:02

Ah well too late now

Chalk it up and enjoy the rest of your time en France

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/08/2014 09:02

A lack of communication which resulted in you being left in the car, I'd be miffed too but no one's fault.

No mobile phone to text him ' can you bring me an umbrella please'?

Whilewildeisonmine · 07/08/2014 09:03

Was the rain really that heavy?

Salmotrutta · 07/08/2014 09:03

What Apocalypse said.

I'm afraid that I'm also very intolerant of lateness.

I realise things happen to cause hold ups but that's why I always build a "contingency" time into getting ready to go out to account for cat sick/unexpected phone calls/ misplaced keys etc.

PleaseJustShootMeNow · 07/08/2014 09:03

Euphemia pretty much sums it up. YABU.

pinkdelight · 07/08/2014 09:05

Also confused. Who did you think would be dedicated to sorting you out, if you couldn't sort yourselves out? If your DH didn't have the gumption to get someone to keep an eye on DS while DH came back for you, I don't see why anyone else would assume responsibility. When it became obvious no one was coming for you, I'd have just legged it through the rain with DD. Bizarre to sit in the car as if you were trapped.

MidniteScribbler · 07/08/2014 09:07

You were late, didn't bother to manage to take an umbrella, and expected other guests to miss out on the ceremony to make up for your disorganisation. You do know that this wedding was not all about you, right?

Mrsjayy · 07/08/2014 09:08

Skin is waterproof im assuming rain and not a monsoon why didnt you jusr run for it yabu and a tad dramaric you missed a wedding because of rain and nobody attended you

magpiegin · 07/08/2014 09:10

I would have just carried my daughter and made a run for it, it's summer so sure you would have dried off (and turning up looking like a drowned rat is better then not turning up at all). Don't see why someone else should miss some of the ceremony because you chose to stay in the car.

PleaseJustShootMeNow · 07/08/2014 09:11

Good point Mrsjayy. That's a whole other thread. 'AIBU to be pissed of that my SIL chose to sit in her car and miss our wedding because she didn't want to get wet?'

Original poster
BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 09:11

The civil ceremony was 40 mins - not 10!

The disorganisation was caused by me being told we'd be parking next to the building the day before when discussing the plans and then that being changed and nobody telling me! I wasn't there to know about the conversation changing the parking place and nothing else changed, so didn't know there was anything to ask. I literally found out when it started raining in the car park and I asked which building it was we were going into, in order to run for it.

DS was carried by someone with an umbrella.

OP posts:
KillashandraRee · 07/08/2014 09:11

Sorry I think YABU (and I'm prone to being late and disorganised)

I think choosing to stay in the car was making it about you rather than the bride and groom. It's only water, you would have dried.

Is there more to the story?

LIZS · 07/08/2014 09:13

and dd couldn't be conveyed similarly ? Or stuck in buggy under blanket/picnic rug/ jacket /whatever was to hand and someone run with her ?

Original poster
BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 09:14

And it also meant that DD - bridesmaid - wasn't in any of the "formal" photos there and I wasn't in the family ones.

We only came for the wedding so doing the return 10 hours today.

OP posts:
Original poster
BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 09:15

Oh and mobiles not working properly, so sms been delayed while here. As DH was witness, didn't want to call/SMS during ceremony!

OP posts:
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