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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset - wedding guest related.

186 replies

BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 08:41

Yesterday we were at a wedding of BIL and his partner. DS (2 yrs) and DD (1yr) were page boy and bridesmaid - not the only ones. DH and DSIL were witnesses.

It was in France so first civil ceremony, then church. The civil was important, not just bureaucracy.

So, DH and kids, DSIL and her husband who was taking photos for the ceremony and DMIL and DFIL and I all arrive together. We're running late. It starts raining and we've got to walk about 500 metres to get to the ceremony. Everybody had umbrellas, apart from DH and I (didn't have any with us as when we packed to leave, it was supposed to be sunny). Everyone was standing outside, with umbrellas or under the lid of the boot sheltering. I realised the time and that they would be really late if they didn't leave then, so said I'd wait with DD (no rain cover for buggy) until it stopped raining then come up. DH hesitated, the rest turned and went.

Up until here, I have no problem.

By the time they arrived at the registry office (equivalent) the rain was harder and it was clear that it wasn't about to stop any time soon.

I ended up staying in the car with DD for the whole ceremony. There was absolutely no way we could come without coats or umbrellas.

I think that it would have been considerate to ask someone in the extended family to nip down with some umbrellas so we could join, when it was clear that the rain wasn't going to stop. They'd have missed 10 mins max of the ceremony if they'd come when DH etc arrived. They did ask someone in extended family (DH couldn't leave after the ceremony apparently) to come after the ceremony had finished.

So WIBU to be a bit upset at being left in the car? DH says I volunteered, so how did they know I didn't want to be in the car Confused and I think that having driven 10 hours to get here with two young children, it was obvious that sitting in the car alone with DD wasn't my plan.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 07/08/2014 10:11

You're talking like we've never seen rain before. We know rain, of all intensities. In your situation, most of us are saying we would get wet.

Oriunda · 07/08/2014 10:11

OP do you drive? Presumably if you were sitting in the car you had the keys? I would have driven up to the town hall, rushed in with DD, dumped her in the room and then gone off to park. At least that way DD would have been in ceremony and you would only have had to worry about yourself.

LIZS · 07/08/2014 10:12

It seems that none of you would be bothered being stuck in the car? It was supposed to be for about 10 mins - when they left it looked like it would stop soon. Very shortly after they left it was clear it wouldn't.

It was your choice to stay in the car, no one elses's. When it became clear that it wasn't going to ease , you could have made a run for it. If you knew the time you could have at least made it for the end of the ceremony /photos. As I said earlier maybe they just assumed she had fallen asleep while waiting and you'd stayed with her.

hatsybatsy · 07/08/2014 10:12

because she told them all she would be along in a minute - she didn't ask anyone to come back and yet she somehow thought they should have.

se chose to sit and fume in a car for 40 minutes and thinks it's everyone else's fault.

it wouldn't have been ideal to be soaked (her dh already was) - but better soaked and there than dry and fuming in the car park.

magpiegin · 07/08/2014 10:15

Sometimes you just have to suck it up. Your daughter is 1 so she must have had a few changes of clothes so you should have popped a change in the changing bag and legged it. These are the sacrifices we make for things like weddings. If someone else would have come back for you, they would have been soaked as well (even with an umbrella if it was as bad as you said) so why make more people get wet.

Surely we've all had situations where it's unexpectedly pissing it down and we have to just get soaked as there is no other option?

pillowaddict · 07/08/2014 10:15

She's not saying her fil should have dropped her or that it's all about her, and it's not unanimously yabu- I would also be annoyed, I love the rain but having got myself and small dd dressed for a wedding would not wish to get soaked on the way to an event to have to sit in wet clothes the rest of the day. It sounds like there was a bit of confusion but I would be angry that nobody thought to look for me or dd even of they were unaware of weather. DH should have sent someone back with a brolly, it's not rocket science, it's basic courtesy. Yes, op should have had a brolly and yes, op should have gone with everyone else but for those of us who aren't perfect or psychic sometimes we rely on thoughtfulness of others to help. Who knows what sil is like - she could have been furious at having drowned rats in her wedding pics!

FrankSaysNo · 07/08/2014 10:17

How does your daughter feel about having to sit in a car and missing being a bridesmaid?

Sorry but you stick a carrier bag on your head, or wrap a cardi round it and make a dash for it.

The day wasnt about YOU.

Really you dont like the ILs or the French or both. I dunno.

flowery · 07/08/2014 10:18

Why didn't your DH/whoever was driving drop you off at the venue then go and park?

Presumably when your DH arrived someone asked where you and DD were? It seems unlikely no one actually noticed a bridesmaid was missing. I would imagine your DH's response when asked was what they based lack of action on.

Or at least he could have asked someone either then or a few minutes later to pop back and get you. Did he ask and they refused or did he not ask?

I think your DH is probably at fault here, not everyone else. He was the one who was in a position to sort someone out to go and get you, and should have done so.

LIZS · 07/08/2014 10:19

How does your daughter feel about having to sit in a car and missing being a bridesmaid? At 1 I doubt she has much of an opinion! Presumably she could be bm for rest of the day.

diddl · 07/08/2014 10:19

I don't get why you didn't get out out the car & share a brolly with someone.

ILs??

What about your husband?

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 07/08/2014 10:20

I don't agree with those roasting you for not bringing a brolly, I never remember to take one anywhere even when it's already raining! But YABVU expecting others to come to your rescue as if you are some sort of damsel in distress. You're a fully grown woman.

I don't think your family have behaved badly either. You told them you would follow on - They took you at your word, and then probably realised when it was too late that you hadn't followed on but had no way of contacting you. Yes your DH was a bit thoughtless in not coming back, but was probably wrapped up in his brother's wedding, which is a much bigger deal than you being stuck well, you weren't stuck were you in the car for half an hour.

I would have held my cardi over DD, made a run for it, arrived soaked at the venue and and laughed it off. Would've dried my dress as much as I could under the hand drier in the loos and then had a vino to take my mind of my wet pantaloons.

I think SIL will be quite peeved about this - I would be if it were me.

andsmile · 07/08/2014 10:21

Can I just check that this thread is about someone who could not walk 500m in the rain?

ElizabethLemon · 07/08/2014 10:22

Why didn't you just huddle under someone else's umbrella?! Yes it's a shame that you missed the wedding but you've only got yourself to blame tbh.

PistolWhipped · 07/08/2014 10:24

Clearly your husband is having an affair with the bride.

Oriunda · 07/08/2014 10:27

Tbh flowery the civil ceremony in France isn't the type you usually notice bridesmaids at - it's a legal requirement that's usually quite simple. Given there was a church service after I imagine that bridesmaids would come into play then? Also tbh there is very little a 1 yr old can actually contribute. My DS was 'page boy' last year at BIL's wedding when he was 16 months. His sum contribution was being hauled up the aisle before I had to take him out of the church or hang round at the back for the rest of it. Unless OP's 1 yr old DD is very mature I doubt she was missed in a practical helping the bride sense!

OP you've not said anything about the church ceremony. How was that? The church servic I attended in France after the civil was lovely and definately the most important part.

Blu · 07/08/2014 10:27

I think it is bad luck, and one of those things.

TYou were all running late by the time you parked, and once they all got there it sounds as if the ceremony would be starting, they probably dashed in and took their places. The people with you were pretty much heavily involved in procedings, and a return walk of 7 mins would have been 15 mins. A lot. They might not have even realised that the rain was till getting harder and assumed you slipped in at the back.

A confusion of unfortunate on the spot decisions or lack of decisions., by a group of peple wiyth no clear leder deciding how to get evryone into the building. It's hard when you are an IL rather than it being you onw fmaily - harder to say 'hand on a minute!'.

PuppyMonkey · 07/08/2014 10:32

The guests clearly all got engrossed in the ceremony and/or assumed you'd be along at some point when you were ready. Your DH sounds a numpty for not making it clear what your predicament was.

But I think you all sound very chaotic not having the basic common sense to drop people off at venue and the driver park up and then walk back. Armed with a brolly of course.

PiperRose · 07/08/2014 10:33

YABU and were completely inconsiderate being late. Your husband probably got in there and became involved in the wedding of his brother and you had said you'd come in when the rain stopped. Inside he may not have heard that the rain hadn't stopped, maybe he thought that your DC had become a bit fractious and you had decided to stay outside, maybe he didn't even notice you hadn't come in because he had other things to focus on.

Whatever the reason you only have yourself to blame.

An aside I'm now screaming "I'M MELTING!" at every opportunity.

Original poster
BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 10:37

And the church, for this couple/family was the formal, get it over and done with part - but that's another thread.

OP posts:
adeucalione · 07/08/2014 10:37

I'm surprised you said you'd follow on once the rain stopped, given that you were already late.

But, as that's what you said you'd do, I don't think you can criticise people for taking you at your word.

Did you at any point think 'oh crap this rain isn't stopping and the ceremony must be underway by now, I'd better make a dash for it/drive closer'?

I just can't get my head around a grown woman waiting to be rescued, particularly when the focus of the day was quite rightly elsewhere.

andsmile · 07/08/2014 10:40

LTB?

Dumpylump · 07/08/2014 10:41

Couldn't you have driven the car closer yourself?
I'm gong to assume not, as that's what any other sane person would've done.

Fattyfattyyumyum · 07/08/2014 10:41

Do your children have some kind of health condition that causes them to melt in rain?

If the mother of my bridesmaid made her miss the ceremony because it was raining I would be very unhappy!!

YAB vvvv U

Beeyump · 07/08/2014 10:45

Why is that 'another thread'? It doesn't sound interesting enough to warrant another one. But then, I have just read alll of this one about not wanting to get rained on.

Blu · 07/08/2014 10:45

How did you all come to be running late, given the important roles in the ceremony? I would have wanted to be there 40 mins early. What caused the delay?

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