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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset - wedding guest related.

186 replies

BunnyPotter · 07/08/2014 08:41

Yesterday we were at a wedding of BIL and his partner. DS (2 yrs) and DD (1yr) were page boy and bridesmaid - not the only ones. DH and DSIL were witnesses.

It was in France so first civil ceremony, then church. The civil was important, not just bureaucracy.

So, DH and kids, DSIL and her husband who was taking photos for the ceremony and DMIL and DFIL and I all arrive together. We're running late. It starts raining and we've got to walk about 500 metres to get to the ceremony. Everybody had umbrellas, apart from DH and I (didn't have any with us as when we packed to leave, it was supposed to be sunny). Everyone was standing outside, with umbrellas or under the lid of the boot sheltering. I realised the time and that they would be really late if they didn't leave then, so said I'd wait with DD (no rain cover for buggy) until it stopped raining then come up. DH hesitated, the rest turned and went.

Up until here, I have no problem.

By the time they arrived at the registry office (equivalent) the rain was harder and it was clear that it wasn't about to stop any time soon.

I ended up staying in the car with DD for the whole ceremony. There was absolutely no way we could come without coats or umbrellas.

I think that it would have been considerate to ask someone in the extended family to nip down with some umbrellas so we could join, when it was clear that the rain wasn't going to stop. They'd have missed 10 mins max of the ceremony if they'd come when DH etc arrived. They did ask someone in extended family (DH couldn't leave after the ceremony apparently) to come after the ceremony had finished.

So WIBU to be a bit upset at being left in the car? DH says I volunteered, so how did they know I didn't want to be in the car Confused and I think that having driven 10 hours to get here with two young children, it was obvious that sitting in the car alone with DD wasn't my plan.

OP posts:
ThatsNotWhatISaid · 07/08/2014 10:46

YABU

I would have just got wet. I think YABU to be annoyed at other people for not coming back to get you. Did you have any other clothes with you? Or anything that you could have thrown over you to protect you from the rain a little. A blanket or a car mat or...I dunno, there must have been something! Confused

MrsMikeDelfino · 07/08/2014 10:47

I'm lost. (Admittedly doesn't take much...)
So half of you could make a run for it, but the other half had to sit in the car and miss the ceremony. Why didn't you just make a dash for it as well?! Confused
I'm assuming it wasn't acid rain that burned on skin contact, or that you're not related to the Wicked Witch and would have screamed "I'm melting!" if water droplets landed on you.
It's only rain, get a grip and run in! Hardly worth missing a wedding for! You're crackers. Sorry.

noblegiraffe · 07/08/2014 10:54

How could you find someone to carry your DS but not your DD? Why didn't you share someone else's umbrella seeing as everyone else had one?

It seems completely inexplicable that in a situation with lots of people and lots of umbrellas, 1 person and a baby had to be left behind.

MrsMikeDelfino · 07/08/2014 10:55

It seems that none of you would be bothered being stuck in the car? It was supposed to be for about 10 mins - when they left it looked like it would stop soon. Very shortly after they left it was clear it wouldn't.

YOU chose to sit skulking in the car for the entire ceremony! If I was at that wedding I would have thought you absolutely barking to be sat sulking in the car over rain (torrential or not.)
Why the hell couldn't you just make a run for it?! You can't seriously expect someone to come back out to get you to 'dry safety' when everyone else has managed! Not to mention the fact that the ceremony could have started and they would have missed important parts themselves to 'rescue' you!
Was your DD in the car who couldn't get wet the bridesmaid? If I was the bride, even as the least Bridezilla person ever, I would be bloody FUMING that my bridesmaid had gone over a bit of water.

middlings · 07/08/2014 10:56

If it was a small town, and you say you're in the middle of nowwhere, presumably you could have figured out pretty easily where the Mairie was. Why didn't you start the engine and see if you could have got closer?!

It sounds like everyone else got caught up in the important task of the day, the wedding, and expected that you would be able to figure out how to get there yourself!

(I'm leaving out the fact that having a 1yo bridesmaid is ridiculous. You can't be a bridesmaid at the age of one. And I say that as a mother of a 2 year old and a nearly one year old.)

Sorry OP, I'm with those who say it was your responsibility to sort yourself out. But then I'm Irish so never go anywhere without an umbrella and a pair of sunglasses!

magpiegin · 07/08/2014 10:57

I do feel sorry for your BIL. Imagine the whole family showing up late, and your SIL and niece didn't even bother because it was raining. Getting married is nerve wracking enough without worrying that your family can't even make it on time

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/08/2014 10:59

I would have thought that someone would have thought "oh it's still raining really heavily, perhaps I should dash back with an umbrella".

Quite surprising they didn't. I know the day wasn't about the op but presumably the bride would have preferred that her bridesmaid didn't look like she'd been for a dip in a pool for the photo's.

As for roasting the op for not having an umbrella/change of clothes, really? None of you have been caught out by sudden changes in weather?

AttentionSeekingFantasist · 07/08/2014 11:00

I think it is bad luck, and one of those things.

I was going to say exactly what Blu said at 10:27:35. You're not at all U to be upset and disappointed that the day went wrong, but I don't think it's anyone's fault. Do your best to forget it.

Branleuse · 07/08/2014 11:00

did it get better for the reception or was that a washout too?

noblegiraffe · 07/08/2014 11:04

But the people who might have noticed that it was still raining (probably not if they were indoors) were in the middle of a wedding! You can't just nip out of a wedding.

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 07/08/2014 11:05

I don't understand this thread at all.

I don't want to be mean but both you and your DH sound a bit hapless. He should have run back for you with a borrowed umbrella. Since he didn't, I would just have got wet. Or driven up, cheekily parked the car and then run down to move it after the ceremony.

I think being there was important enough to be worth getting wet for.

MostWicked · 07/08/2014 11:09

At what point DURING the ceremony, should "someone" have realised that the rain hadn't stopped and you were stranded and in need of rescue?
And why should anyone, including your DH, be expected to leave the ceremony for 15 minutes, to go and get you from the car?
They were probably expecting you to appear through the door any minute.

I understand why you are upset, but you should be kicking yourself, not anyone else.

MidniteScribbler · 07/08/2014 11:11

Really MN, I'm disappointed in you all. Not one person has pointed out that the OP seems, quite frankly, a bit wet to sit back and wait for rescue. Pun intended, of course.

Viviennemary · 07/08/2014 11:16

I can see why you are annoyed. But just to sit in the car because of a bit of rain. Could you not have asked somebody if you could share their umbrella. Or your DH could have borrowed an umbrella and come back for you like somebody else suggested. People probably weren't focussing on you but they were a bit thoughtless I agree. But you were being a bit petty by staying in the car. Though I might have done the same as you if I was in a mood about the whole thing!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/08/2014 11:16

I was going to say that you were being unreasonable, OP, but have changed my mind. I know what French weather is like and how changeable/severe it can be.

If anything, your FIL contributed to this madness by stopping off for cheese when it looks like you were all already running behind. As he decided to do that, and as it started to downpour when you arrived, it would have been logical for everybody but the drivers to be dropped off at the registry office. The drivers would go and park, everybody else would go in and drivers would return with brollies...

Absolutely no drama. I feel for your daughter and also a bit for you as you'll probably get it in the neck (maybe silently) from the family but it's nonsense to suggest that you take your shoes off - even anticipating that some mad relative would have a towel in their bag to dry your feet off - and how old is your daughter? Light enough to run with? So that would have been both of you bedraggled; ok - not a big deal for you as you would have been drying off sitting down but your daughter - a bridesmaid. I don't believe anybody who says that they'd be happy to let their daughter be part of the wedding looking bedraggled, I just don't.

Your FIL is a cheese-hound and it's HIS fault if anybody asks... Grin

Salmotrutta · 07/08/2014 11:16

I have to pint out something completely irrelevant here...

Substances do not melt in water.

They dissolve ...

As you were.

Salmotrutta · 07/08/2014 11:17

And "stopping off for cheese" is absolute comedy gold.

Mrsjayy · 07/08/2014 11:18

All I can think is what a bloody waste of journey how did the rest of the day go I cant imagine you are anybodies favourite person atm the 10 hour journey back is going to be frosty.

Lonecatwithkitten · 07/08/2014 11:18

I am amazed your still upset today. There was a miscommunication it happens fine to be grumpy for a few minutes at the time. But really life is too short to still be fed up the next day.
I would have and have run for it in torrential rain in France.
In all probability they were not aware that it was still raining so much as they were focusing on the important people for the day.

adeucalione · 07/08/2014 11:22

I'm also a bit disappointed with the lack of weather related puns.

I thought they would've been pouring in.

AgentProvocateur · 07/08/2014 11:27

Are you soluble, OP?

middlings · 07/08/2014 11:28

adeucalione - very good Grin

CheeseToastie123 · 07/08/2014 11:39

I went to a wedding a couple of years back when the heavens opened. A 20 minute trot was needed - so it happened. I may as well have swum, I was able to wring out my knickers when I was able to dash to the loo to repair the damage. I lived, dried out quicker than you would think, and had a great day watching two people I love get married - because what in earth else would you do?

CheeseToastie123 · 07/08/2014 11:41

Mmmmmmm, cheese...

tobiasfunke · 07/08/2014 11:47

I think you are getting a hard time on here. It wasn't a dash to the other side of the carpark. It was a 7 minute walk/run without any protection for her or a one year old in torrential rain. They were both going to be totally drenched . The 1 year old couldn't sit for 40 minutes soaked to the skin and would probably have been screaming at that point and have to be taken out.
It wasn't Op's fault they were late it was her FIL's. She asked to be dropped off and was told (wrongly) she couldn't. So she drove 10 hours with 2 small kids and not one of the adults in the church could go and get her and the bridesmaid even if the ceremony had started. I would be fucked off as well. On the other hand wedding ceremonies are boring as fuck so I'd probably have been happier in the car.